"不必再拥抱时感觉忐忑，失去后比拥有踏实了"

能够勇敢的唱这首歌吗？



"不必再拥抱时感觉忐忑，失去后比拥有踏实了"
我不希望有机会唱它。。

希望你能遵守你的承诺
11.13.16

梦一场

i like to post songs which represents my feelings so here goes..

 

梦一场

我们都曾经寂寞而给对方承诺

我们都因为折磨而厌倦了生活

只是这样的日子 同样的方式

还要多久

我们改变了态度而接纳了对方

我们委屈了自己成全谁的梦想

只是这样的日子 还剩下多少

已不重要

时常想起过去的温存

它让我在夜里不会冷

你说一个人的美丽是认真

两个人能在一起是缘份

早知道是这样 像梦一场

我才不会把爱都放在同一个地方

我能原谅 你的荒唐

荒唐的是我没有办法遗忘

早知道是这样 如梦一场

我又何必把泪都锁在自己的眼眶

让你去疯 让你去狂

让你在没有我的地方坚强

时常想起过去的温存

它让我在夜里不会冷

你说一个人的美丽是认真

两个人能在一起是缘份

早知道是这样 像梦一场

我才不会把爱都放在同一个地方

我能原谅 你的荒唐

荒唐的是我没有办法遗忘

早知道是这样 如梦一场

我又何必把泪都锁在自己的眼眶

让你去疯 让你去狂

让你在没有我的地方坚强

让我在没有你的地方疗伤

our love makes me feel like a dream. so beautiful yet so unreal.. i am insecure.. i cant help it. how i wish it's not and won't be a dream.. too much uncertainty, too much unknown.. i dunno how long i can handle this. if it's reali just a dream, please wake me up soonest. i'm slowly being drained.. super drained....

-MYDL

Your Choice

am getting a lil emotional and feel like hitting a few keys here on my dusty blog. so here goes a very personal message from yours truly to general guys out there. i'm not saying ALL guys.. but generally..

If you realised that your girl is getting more and more beautiful each day, give urself a pat. You’ve done a good job. If you realized that your girl is getting more and more frail or ugly each day, give urself a slap. Cos you’re the reason behind it all. No matter how beautiful a girl is born, without happiness, they turned into a depressed person eventually. And at the same time, no matter how ugly a girl is born, when they meet the one who truly appreciates them and brings happiness into their lives, they bloom into a beautiful flower that doesn’t wither.

Do yourself and everyone a favour, stop crushing hearts if you’re not sure that she’s the one. Stop sugar coating everything and than suddenly throw her alone while you go hunt for your next or “better” target, keeping her as your spare. Girls are not toys or tools for you to pleasure yourself. We’re human with flesh and blood too. If you cant make her the one and only, than don’t even step into her life. We’re selfish creature. We do not share. We maybe silly but we’re definitely not stupid. We know too much, but it’s cos of this stupid thing call “love” we chose to be silly. Many times, many of us knows perfectly too well that we stand too little in your heart. We just kept mum about it simply because we love you and hoped for a miracle that one fine day, we'll finally get your full attention. Do not take it for granted.

Make your choice, to have a beautiful girl who would do almost anything for you, or a crushed heart which bleeds everyday.

i'm not a blogger or someone famous. i'm just a normal person and i'm pretty sadden by the mystery of the MH370. I have a prayer and i wish whoever that comes across this blog wil join me in it as the bible says "For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst." - Matthew 18:20

Dear Lord, 

As many are still worried and feeling lost over the mystery of the MH370 flight which went missing on 8 March 2014, I pray that you will give them strength and be their guide. Let them not be dismay and let them not stray for you are always with them. 

 May your wings protect the 239 precious child of yours whose status are unknown to the world now. Many are clinging to a thin string of hope for miracle. and many still believes they will return. Let this not be a war of religion nor nationality nor race but let this be the unity of the human race. 

We are all your child be it we're believer in you or not, I just pray that your mercy will befall upon all those who are involved. May your angels watch over them and bring peace upon them. Let this be a incident to allow the world to witness your glory and not the ones of satan. Let this misery be over soon and i pray for peace and joy for the ones who are feeling lost now.

I pray that you will grant the authorities the wisdom and let them solve this mystery asap. many countries have played a part in assisting to search and rescue those that went missing. let this effort not be in vain but let them be joybringers who will bring good news and joy back to those empty hearts.

I pray for your protection over those involved in the search and rescue as well that they will be safe and guided by your light. I pray sincerely that everything will turn out fine and that your name be glorify. Let there be hope and let your miracle work. 

 In Jesus' most precious name I pray. 
Amen

Happy Birthday to my Dear daddy Jesus!

It was another special X'mas i had.. a xmas without alcohol, without nightlife spots.. no hardcore partying, no drunkness.. just a nice BBQ / gathering at gib's cuz's place.. it was a beautiful house and i'm thankful that we're invited. it was a simple gathering and we played games and had BBQ. But i love simple christmases :) spending time with your loved ones and remembering what christmas is all about.. sweetness! After all the fun and laughters, gifts and parties.. it's time to remember how and why we have christmas.. It's the dear birthday of my saviour Jesus Christ. The day he came to die for us. the day God show us his perfect love. I thank you dear Jesus, for bringing me into this world, for creating me in your likeness, for loving me no matter how broken i am, and for blessing me with wonderful people in my life. This day, I urge that the world will not forget the true meaning of Christmas. I pray that more will come and see the light. I pray that I will be a blessings to those I met and I will be your vessel to spread your gospel. Help me to do good and glorify your name. Help me to place you first more than anything or anyone in my life. Help me to keep my eyes on you firmly and nothing wavers me. Your beautiful promise to us will always be remembered and you are my precious Jesus, Precious Love. Thank you God, for sending your one and only son to die for us and to save us from slavery. I pray that on this day mankinds will be delivered and more will come to see Jesus' face. More will come to witness the beauty of your grace and more hearts will be touched and healed by your amazing grace. Hallelujah! Happy birthday my Dear Daddy Jesus! xoxo

happy w simplicity

Love it so much when my boy is planning for his career:) and of cos, love it so much when he accompany me the entire day even aft he's so tired frm reservist and still acc my idiotic frens :) appreciate damn much. And oh i love playin funrun with him at home wahaha! Quality time spent tgt <3 happy="" me="" p="">

happy birthday my dearest brother

just realised that it's my brother's birthday..

dear khim chuan kor.. happy 27th birthday..
it's been 11 yrs since u left us..
hope u've find ur peace..
thanks for always watching over us..
miss u much as always.

with love n misses
ur mei always.. me

thankful forever more

i'm so so so sooooo thankful to the Lord my God that my love has come back into my life!
ytd was such a happy day for me!
so happy that i can hold him once again.
so happy that i can kiss him once again.
so happy that i can just simply hug him and spent the night with him again.
and so freaking happy that i can have him in my life again!

it's 6th july.. birthday of one of the most important guy in my life.
and it was the happiest day of my life now!

hereby, i wanna wish my once forever love, a happy birthday.
thou things have ended for us, it has turned me into a woman who learned how to love and wat to cherish.
our chapter ended and my new chapter have begin.

and i wanna wish myself and my now and forever love, a happy relationship and forever lasting one.

wat's past has past, wat's important now is, we cherish one another.
i've let go of a guy whom will stayed with me no matter wat.
i've let him down alot of times.
not cherishing him and bullied him.
but now i wanna hold onto this love like i have never done before.
i wanna love like i have never love before.
i wanna be the woman behind him now and forever.
i wanna cherish this one chance that i am given.
i wanna just.. love..

thank u god, thank u my love, for giving us one chance again.
i will cherish it and give my best.

i love you
CK

熟悉却又陌生

when our hands crossed
when our eyes met
when we had our dinner tgt

all seems so familiar yet so different now..

how i yearn for time to turn back its hands..

sigh..

For you

Tonnes of tears were shed in the making of this video
But it's my way of missing you

The lyrics sings it all..
For you, My love

answer to my heart..

after seeing so many ppl come and go, after seeing so many ppl giving up on me..
u're the only person that have proven that u've never left..
each time i feel lost, messed up and hurt, the first name and face i tink of is u..
i didnt realised, that it is u that i ever needed.
it's been a yr plus since i left u, but u're stil the one that have never ever given up on me.
i've realised that afterall, u're stil the reason i cannot go into a r/s anymore..
i've been unknowingly waiting..
awaiting for u to ask me to be yours again..
but, it seems, it'll nv happen again..

曾经，我是那么的幸福。。

perhaps.. it's time i accept the fact and move on..

i miss u so..

my once forever love..

i didnt noe he can be so heartless..

thank u mr asshole.

i loved.. he didnt..

started my journey-to-recovery session with fellow ppl who cared.. was reali heart broken yet angered when i saw the scene. he can blame me all he wants.. he's no where better. come on. i'm not a idiot. i can feel too. seeing her pics at his place. not good.. seeing her pic on his fb.. not good either.. seeing him with her.. HA! bam~ it hit my limit. all these while have been blaming myself so much for watever happened.. ppl who knew told me i wasnt at fault. he's the one who didnt want to give me a status, not even a dating status. he's the one who kept hurting me by leaving and abandoning me. he's the one that made me all tired of being led on yet no status at all. sometimes, a man gotta do wat a man should do. dun leave the girl dangling if you dun love her. it hurts. it drains us off totally. when they ask "do u still love him?" my ans was "yes" i'm v firm about it. yes i'm a idiot despite being hurt so many times, being abandoned so many times.. i stil love him. dun ask me why.. perhaps i owe him in my previous life. sis ask why am i always so in-confident whenever we mention bout us. i dunno.. perhaps i always tink i'm nt good enough for him. afterall, i have always been loving him and places him on top of my priority list. have been tinking alot recently.. he never loved me. perhaps he did.. but i believe one wouldnt let go of someone if they have truly loved. and in just 5 mths, he had let go of me umpteen times.. and the scene i saw. it was fated. i swear it woke me up finally.i was al along, just a spare tyre. it's ok.. i have no guilt in this entire r/s.. i will just live my life as it is.. it's a mess to be cleared. it was a wrong move to have confessed to him. if i hadnt frm the very beginning, we would stil have been real good frens. now its all ruined. should have just keep the memories there. beautiful frenship. i'm tired.. and drained from all the emo thoughts. he left.. just let him go, iko.. it's all over..

it still hurts a hell lot..
perhaps it wil never heal..
just.. let it be..

asthma attacked after a good 20 years..
eyes swell like goldfish..
i cried too hard..

was hoping i could get drunk and concussed this entire weekend so i dun have to tink of anything. but i guess, it isnt tat easy uh? apparently, the more i wanna get drunk, the harder it is.

i've smoked more thn a pack, near 2, onli today..
i was having some wines, beers and wines..
but.. why am i stil nt drunk???

cried my hearts out while playing some worship songs.. knelt down n pray. for things to work out watever it is. sincerely asked for God's guidance and healing to come over my heart now. like RIGHT NOW!

i dun wanna wry anyone so i've been all smiley and acted happy. i'm not that strong u noe?


sudden feeling of being all alone..
sudden feeling of i'm forsaken..
sudden missing u..

p/s: all these breaks my heart. u mentioned that i can lay down my strong front infront of u. but now? sigh..

Nobody knows it but me

A beautiful and sad song which sang my heart out totally..

All we'd ever need - Lady Antebellum



Boy it's been all this time
And I can't get you off my mind
And nobody knows it but me

I stare at your photograph
Still sleep in the shirt you left
And nobody knows it but me

Everyday I wipe my tears away
So many nights I've prayed for you to say

I should've been chasing you
I should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me
I should've said all the things that I kept inside of me
And maybe I could've made you believe
That what we had was all we'd ever need

My friends think I'm moving on
But the truth is I'm not that strong
And nobody knows it but me

And I've kept all the words you said
In a box underneath my bed
And nobody knows it but me

But if you're happy I'll get through somehow
But the truth is that I've been screaming out

I should've been chasing you
I should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me
I should've said all the things that I kept inside of me
And maybe I could've made you believe
That what we had was all we'd ever need

I should've been chasing you
You should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me
Oh you should've said all the things
That I kept inside of me
And maybe you could've made me believe
That what we had girl
Oh that what we had, what we had
It was all we'd ever need
It was all we'd ever need 

Nobody knows it but me.. sigh.. :(

peaceful

spent a unexpected night and day with him.
hmm.. everything seems normal and just smooth..
i didnt noe how to react, i didnt now how to handle.
but i guess things just goes as it is.
each time i tink of our rs.. i find it reali amusing..
from stranger, to colleague, to fren, to crush, to lover, to i dunno wat are we now..
a short 4mths but so many things happened.
i used to cant reali be myself infront of him.
i had this very uptight feeling when i was with him (dun ask me why i got no idea)
and it was til ytd, i realise i can reali just be myself when i was with him.
just slp in funny position i like, remove my make up show my naked face..
i just dun have to put on any act.
perhaps, i was reali tired too.. just dunno how to handle our rs and dun wanna handle anymore.
well.. today was a exceptional surprise..
usua;;y aft his place, i'd just go home on my own n thn that's it..
today, he sent me home and before that, we went to eat at bedok reservior this wawawa bistro..
dun like the idea that he doesnt wanna eat and drink beer when drives.
wat's worst, he noe i dun like him drinking especially when he's on medication and drives..
YET he stil does it. well.. i dun wanna say anything. i'm in no position anyway.
it's his life :)

out of these 4 mths, other thn my lovely bfast day, today is one wonderful day i had with him. thou the feeling is very different, but i felt peaceful, calm.. perhaps we shud just let things stay this way. i like n enjoyed his company.. totally. and i dun wanna ask for anything alr. this is enough :)

:)

gotten my result today for my accounting and management.. i screamed when i got a credit for accounting and distinction for management.. i was super happy and gina and jie was like "siao zhar bor!" i got super excited and wanted to share the excitement with u.. thn i realise.. it's too late.. yup.. i've lost u officially. just feel that we shouldnt taint our beautiful memories. just leave it as beautiful as it is. that'll do..

曾经在乎天长地久，如今只能满足曾经拥有.. 爱过了，痛过了，不想再吵了.. 让我们之间就只有那些美丽的回忆吧.. 别再去伤害我们只剩下唯一美好的东西了，好吗？ 真的很累了..
 

distract..

been trying very hard to act happy and distract myself from the pains..
met up with croy n yaggy for some sc time at starbucks..
well.. couldnt reali focus on game.. when they talk, i always was drifting away..
randomly, a fren text me "cheer up".. nearly cried :(
i know i have lost him..
but i'm stil awaitin for a miracle that he can contact me again..
it's such a small issue yet i've lost him..
i find it pretty ridiculous..
and i dun understand how can he just cut off all contacts just like that..
dun he miss me too?
are our memories that worthless to him?
i dunno.. i'm lost..

sigh..
thankfully, weekend's over.. just bury myself in work ba..
hais..

i miss u.

emptiness

woke up first thing, check my phone for his msges or calls.. no it didnt happen today.. felt a sudden sadness as i was reminded that i've lost him. cried a little, force myself back to slp again.. had a beautiful dream with him back to me again. doing things i've always wanted to do with him, going places i've always wanted to go with him. woke up again, feeling total emptiness. said a little prayer for my miracle and forces myself back to slp. finally woke up this timing and am in total emptiness once again.

told sis that i feel very lonely and sad. i need to talk to someone. but who? sigh. i miss his voice so much.. i miss his text so much.. i miss him so much. reali wish he could turn back to me again. reali wish to have him in my arms again. reali wish to be able to be doted by him again. reali wish.. i can be his girl again. he mention before he doesnt need me to be supergirl, he just need me to be his girl.. will this desire from him be here again? will he ever wan me again?

sigh..

flooded with sadness..

a little drunk..

i dun wanna make it look like i'm depressed to anyone who cared. so i got no place but to vent a little here. went out with fel for a little drink, been nagged at, scolded and blameed for the entire night. i know alright it's my fault for things happening now. i know that it;s my stupidity that ruinefd me. came home without being drunk as i have promised him.

feeling damn f up. have been holding my tears for the entire day. thou i broke down during one of the smk break. seeing him telling me he cares.. i was very happpy yet very sad. i lost him~~ i reali lost him this time. wanna jus bitch slap myself so much. why the fk am i doin this?! i know i'm stronger thn thiss. i dun wanna let go. not a single bit. i just feel reali lost. i;ve lost him. due to my own stupidity. God, pls tell me how i can earn him back.. i wil do any thing.. i swear i will..

this is too painful for me to bear.. i dun wanna losse him. i dun wanna die again with regrets.. i noe it's my fault. and i blame myself for being fking stupid. whyyyy?! why am i so stupid?! lord pls tell me. why?! reali screamed n cried my hearts out,. and i reali missed him. i dun wanna let him go,

he said dun make him regret turning back. i dunno wat it meant. turning back as a fren? or dun make him turning back to me previously? i dunno. but all i noe is. he meant the world to me.. my world is crushed. totally.. and now i'm crying very badly. i noe he dun wan these. he dotes on me. but.. sry baby. i cannot accept the fact that i lost u due to my own stupidity. how i wish for a chance to love him again. how i wish for a chance to be able to be there for him again. how i wish.. he's mine again.. i swear i wil never be angry at him again. i swear i will nv be a naughty girl he dislike again. just give me a miracle dear god. this is all i need.

i.... cant handle this pain.
please help...
i love u too much baby..
i will try be a happy girl for u.
but u do noe. that i cannot b truly happy ever again..
u're the reason  why i'm trying to smile and u're the reason why i'm crying..
and baby, love u a hell lot.
i wont ever walk out on u.
time wil prove and all i pray for is a chance to love him unconditionally again..
god please. i reali loved.
this is wat ur daughter wants. please dun remove it from my life.
if i ever have a chance again.. i'd give my all to just trust n love him..
i'm a fking sinner