Melody of my Life..

i doubt i'm rank no. 1 in his heart at all..
why do i say so?
he choose to go meet his friends to slack at lan at BEDOK instead of coming down to boonlay to accompany.. his excuse were no money take cab.. hmm i wont is bedok nearer to woodlands thn boonaly? ha~ he meet them almost everyday and yet on my off day he choose to find them again. wat bullshit is this? i can choose to club i can choose to pub i can choose to movie with my frens.. but i chose to acc him on my one and onli off day.. even if it's just to stay home and rot.. in the end? he stil left me alone at home.. i guess i'm not important at all.. he flares up at my mom when she did something not so nice to him.. hmm ok i understand that she can be irritating at times but still i feel he shudn't do that ba.. it's not very nice to disrespect ur bf/gf's mom isnt it? he told me he's goin to XG in the first place and changed it to 23.. after me knowing that nobody else was at 23, he said it doesnt matter where he goes.. oic.. now i noe le.. wherever ur bf/gf goes it doesnt reali matters to know.. so next time i tink there isnt a need for him to noe where i am ba.. his msn personal msg was "ABCDEFHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ <3" there's a missing G.. G stands for? G-I-N-A it's someone used to be his gan gf.. ha~ i confronted him on this and guess his reply.. "long ago this was already there i nv change nia" OH? it was there ONLY after we got tgt.. so means? he's flirting with her? HA-HA-HA! so wat if she knows i'm his gf? cant they flirt? he keeps saying i'm flirting with my audi cpl create4u.. hmm~ i guess in the room i'm playing, hans and noob was ard ba.. they can be very gd witness if we did flirt ornt :) even if i'm flirting.. wat can happen? he's like way way at australia? he's not even a singaporean so he doesnt come sg at all.. btw he's getting married soon too.. and wat about that GINA? she's right here is damn sg and they're meeting almost every single day while I AM AT WORK! woots~ how nice? who knows they might even did things behind my back? i felt that this r/s is full of lies.. nothing else but lies.. everything i'm kept in the dark til i find out myself.. seriously.. i'm tired.. i'm tired of quarrels i'm tired of lies.. i'm tired to find things out myself and i'm seriously very very drained.. why cant he put himself in my shoes? to him, i might be just throwing temper, being jealous over something that doesnt exist.. but HELLO~ i'm a girl.. i need security.. i need someone there for me.. not someone that spend more time with his frens (including that fking G) thn me.. ya ppl might say "u all stay tgt le day day see each other wont sian meh.. let him meet his frens ma" CORRECT! we're staying tgt.. but how much time we really have for one another? almost zero.. i reach home at 9am, he's aslp.. so i went to slp.. i wakes up at 6pm and have to prepare for work.. when i'm at work, he's with his frens.. and the circle goes round.. SO LET ME ASK.. HOW MUCH FKING TIME DO WE HAVE TGT?! NONE! so dun fking tink that we stay tgt and we're spending alot of time tgt.. we dun even have a proper dating day.. we dun even have time to say "iloveu" we dun even have time to play game or watch movies tgt! fk my off day! why not i just work 7days a week?! sometimes i reali tink i shud just stay single at this point of my life since i have no time for my bf.. his G might do a better job thn me.. and also my frens are spending more time with me.. why? cos they made the effort to come down to bl to acc me.. at least for 1 or 2 hours.. i'm happy and i thank them for that.. some even stayed til morning just to acc me.. so who exactly is my bf? i dunno~

failure
i failed as a gf.