Melody of my Life..

the curse of a shooting star..

everything has ended.. ya i've lost him.. one guy i lvoed with al my heart.. due to a mistake i did in the past.. it seems he cannot accept it.. oh well.. i was totally unwilling to let go.. but i keep reminding myself.. that when u love someone, it's all about him being happy.. that's all.. so since he's happier without me.. i'll chose to let go.. pain? yes! it hurts like crazy! but i'll endure it.. i've learnt.. that seeing the one u love smiling, is the happiest thing that can ever happen..


i once chosen to give up everything for him.. to even give up dance cos i noe i cant survive long if i dance too much due to some personal reason.. i juz wished for a life, peacefully with him.. i noe maybe it's too fairytale.. but stil tat was one of my last wish.. but it seems that the chance of it coming true is like tinier thn a bacteria.. thus i've made a decision that i once made again.. and this time it's gonna be for real.. whether ,where i'll be or wat i become, depends on this.. close frens wil noe..

but peeps dun worry.. i'll write a entry bout this before the day this big thing happen.. remember to check my bloggy often! =) al i can say now is.. i wish everyone happy.. show me ur smile! if not i'll hate u! sorry to al those have been hurt by me.. be in frens or ex.. i didnt mean to =\ i was too naive and didnt noe wat does the word "cherish" reali means.. i guess the saying "one regrets when it's too late" reali makes sense.. now i juz wish to cherish everyone ard me while i stil can.. i wish to see everyone smile while i stil can..

even if i were to close my eyes for good, be it now or 50 yrs down the road, i was those ard me to smile n not tears.. that's wat i promise myself when my grand daddy passed away few yrs back.. tat was his last wish.. and that's mine too ^^ i can remember how me and sii keep talking bout those "wat if i die tml" things.. haha~ it wasnt nonsense! reali it's true we never noe when we'll be gone.. so it's always better to talk bout it with someone who can "help" u if u reali are gone.. my blog have dunno 8723659263592numbers of post regarding deaths.. they truly werent nonsense alrite! it's juz i dun wish to regret not done anything if i reali were gone =\

i wont admit i'm not scared by the word "death".. i wont deny that i fear leaving this world so early.. but sometimes, life is all destined.. i'm juz thankful i've found him before i left.. even the happiness were short.. but i'm stil thankful there werent any unhappiness when we were tgt.. stil this sentence rings in me.. it's a sentence in the lyrics of jay chou's song 退后.. here it goes..
"最美的爱情回忆里待续" beautiful isnt it? =) ya i noe it's a way of self- consoling.. but stil.. memories are forever.. the rest maybe fantasy but stil.. it's a wish a dream =)

someone once told me.. "i dun wish to see u shed tears cos of him.. because when u do, deep in ur heart u stil wish for him" well.. maybe it's true.. but for me now.. i dun have anymore wish or dreams le.. everything seem so blurr.. i dun even noe if i'll survive tonite! haha~ well life is unpredictable =) ok i may stil have dreams.. but not wishes anymore ba.. dun dare to wish le.. sigh~

oh ya.. why do i name this post the curse of a shooting star? haha~ those who reads my blog since the very FIRST post wil noe ba.. wat's a shooting star? something that comes and go very quickly, something that grants u wishes, something that travels ard hoping to find a place where it belongs but gets burn and perish before they even noe it.. that's juz me dun u tink so?! i've always been putting others infront of me.. i've always been making ppl smile and hides al my emoness here in my blog.. this is the onli place where i'm truly me~ well.. who understands me? haha~ not even mummy =\ many says i'm too nice a person.. oh well.. maybe.. like i've said.. i lived a life of a shooting star.. bringing along the curse of prishing once a wish is granted.. and never to find where i truly belongs..

i remembered i once went for this prophercy thingy in church by pastor cecil.. he says god wants me to do more missions (as in volunteery works to poor countries or watever) as my destiny was to become a missionary.. i was thn sent to laos for a mission.. thou i never thot i would be chosen as a missionary.. but maybe i stil thank god for givin me a soft heart and deep compassion.. i rather have al these and always get hurt.. thn to have none of these and hurt others.. at least i feel that my life is lived fully =) bringing blessing to each and every individual is al i wish for.. hanging smiles on them and thn leave silently.. i'm not trying to act wei da or wat.. but stil it's truly something i like doing..

wah very long nv blog so long le haha~ so naggy eh? =X forgive me alrites? keke~ afterall i stil thank god for this life.. i stil thank god for everyone i've met.. every laughter every tears is something i'll bring along with me.. every face.. every memory.. i believe god have been merciful enuff to me le.. after all the sins i've done in my younger days.. i thank god i'm stil standing strong here =) for now.. juz promise me whoever u maybe.. that u'll smile alrite? life is cruel.. but face it! and the sun wil shine one day =)

look at the stars cos that's where my soul wil be
feel the sea cos that's where my ashes wil be
touch ur heart cos that's where i wil always be
gdbye baby..