woots.. kinda tired physically after dance pract with VIP at esply.. didnt do much thou =X mr vic was rather emo wor.. hmm reminds me of myself ytd lol =X but i felt real good today =) it's like the day after a heavy storm la =X haha~ like so fresh now ^^ was listening to non emo songs whole day haha~ once i hear emo songs i skip track lalala~ lol!

indeed wat my jiemei nikz say is rite ar.. do something about it la! emo also no use.. haha~ yeap yeap true true.. but jiemei, u noe when one's reallllll emo, nothin gets into the head at that point of time? =X so muz when the dark clouds clear.. haha~ thn everythin reflects le =) have been planning how to use my pay *yay* it's coming!!! wahaha~ but hor i realise it's like 200 over nia -.-

haolian simi sai?!?! rahh~ aiyo 2 weeks nia lei.. mai hiam liao la~ hehe~ and the most suay thing is that i receive my bill liao =((( 90bucks lei sian dabian! @!#$%^& so half my pay wil be eaten by that and left 100? hurhur~ thn confirm club, 50 gone.. =( thn left 50?!?!! how?!?! omg~ buy a pair of jeans and POOF no more =(.. i'm gonna be dry for another month.. hurhurhurhurhur~~

nvm! perk myself up and bia for another month to get my 400 or 500! HUR! dun care! GAMBATE!!!!! XD and next month i'm gonna get my dance gear, my new shoe.. and hopefully a new phone for mummy =( i see her so kelian.. the phone wil out of tune one =( thou it's cute at times ar =X but very kelian la.. so wil try to get a new phone for her.. maybe wil kup with her bf :D

anyway was talking to vic abit trying to cheer him up =) and at the same time reflecting on wat happen to me ytd and before.. i used to be a super emo type of person, i used to not take care of my body at all, i used to juz dance bochup my leg brekaing or my hand tearing apart.. and i realise it's al these lil lil mistakes of mine that is bringing me down =
emo, see la! emo somemore and i lost a mr perfect =( most of u noe who i'm talking about yea? haha~ emo made me wash my face with tears for dunno how many nites in my entire life.. waste my time ar! but somehow being emo is stil my freelance job lol =X ok nvm LAME~

didnt take care, ya la! bitch sia me~ my stupid back injury keeps coming on and off and it seriously affects my dance.. cant split cant even walk properly at times =( and now my knee, my ankle.. CUI LIAO! hurhurhurhur~~~ super sad sia~ =( and when i bochup juz dance, i sometimes dun even noe i do correct thing ornt.. now my body so damn used to the "wrong" way of dancing, it's damn hard for me to get back the "right" way of dancing =(

ok i wont get emo al over again =X

anyway i was so happy i'm in lush.. =) today they got pract also ma.. thn they were asking me "why u nv join monkey business?!" i say i dunno la.. of cos with a sad face =\ thn mell they al say "nvm.. after that ok?" haha al my emo was over nothing thou =) i'm not forsaken! whee~ so happy la.. it's al the lil things that matters to me =) thank god i have such wonderful crew and frens.. VIP's my darlings too for sure ^^ working hard tgt, laugh and tear tgt.. so happy ^^ and also I MISS EMI!!! wah see her today so happy haha~ hopefully can dance tgt again ba.. waiting for that day to come still =) ok i'm off.. buai buai~ keep smiling wor ^^

gettin rather emo now =\ over alot of stuff actually.. firstly.. i read my dearest eqa's blog.. and i seriously think it's damn sad for such a stupid accident to happen =( but thn again.. saw a few of her pics recently.. i tink actually she's lucky enuff.. cos her pretty face isnt much much affected.. she's so pretty la.. =) and when i saw her blog she said that her bf (i tink) sms her this "walk with pride.. you'll always be a eye candy in my eyes" i teared.. =X

i mean it's so touching!!! and ya i gotta agree.. we humans must walk with pride.. no matter wat happen, no matter how ugly we're (i dun tink anyone's ugly in anyway).. juz had supper with jie, he said i super no confidence and keep asking me to have more confidence.. haha.. oh well.. guess when u're lousy in almost everythin, u wont have any confidence to move on in life ba.. and also after ur pride has been trampled on umpteen of times.. how to have confidence?

thn felt emo over another thing as well.. regarding my dance ba.. wont say too much thou.. but it all boils down to me myself not being good enuff.. =( how to improve? hai.. i wish i'm a born dancer.. =( i wish my family supports me in dance.. i wish i'm better.. or at least as good as them..
am i even fit to be in lush?
=(

when during supper, chatted with jie alot haha.. chat about many things ar.. ex la, love la, family, frens.. blahh~ he ask me "thn u dun wan look for bf now meh?" haha gd question thou.. oh well.. my reply is "no" cos i told him.. i'm tired le ba.. and wat's more, i dun even seem to understand myself anymore now.. my wall is up and tough.. it blocks love from goin out and love from coming in as well wor.. how to love? haha.. i also dunno anymore.. i cant seem to feel..

i'm slowly dun understand myself anymore.. haha.. why am i the way i am now? haha.. i have no idea.. wat is love to me? wat is frens to me? wat is this life i'm leading? wat do i exactly wan? so wat if i grad from poly 2years later? wat job am i gonna get? how about my dream to go japan? i dun seem to be doin anything about them.. hai.. life's in a big mess wor..

the 5 C i wish for..
confidence.. (to perform watever that's given to me at my best state)
chance.. (to be expose to the industry, world and to prove my work)
courage.. (to live my life proudly)
cash.. (to improve myself as a dancer, person and as a girl)
companion.. (to help me along whenever i'm down)

haven been online alot recently.. haven been contacting few of my close frens recently.. due to many things.. have to work.. have to go sch.. and of cos.. i wan a break from everythin =\ the pass 2weeks or so were terrible for me.. been washin my face with tears.. had enuff of it.. went for club rather alot too.. life's in a big mess.. but somehow somewhat.. this period of rest for me is great.. emerge myself in work.. emerge myself with everythin i'm doin now.. is the best way for me to get off.. sometimes we have to be cold blooded to certain ppl and even to ourselves.. go thru this period of sufferring and we'll be fine soon.. Fish leong de song fen shou kuai le.. confirm al of u heard before.. there's a sentence that mean "bid goodbye to the wrong one thn can unite with the right one.." ya true.. thou it's a period of emptiness now.. but have to let go since we never could agree.. ok i'm off.. bye

yawns~

today didnt go sch =X lalala~ shit la.. i promise ong chin huat i'll go de siak =\ mati liao.. ok anyway, went to VIP's practise.. but before that, was mixing abit of songs at home.. wanted to wake up at 2pm, watch a few nice nice episode of bleach and goong.. end up -.- have to mix song.. RAHHS~ ok nvm.. worst is!!! I CANT MIX!!! X( it's like shit la! dabian u noe?! DABIAN!!! X(

i listen le i wan to faint sia! =( how how how?!?! die le la.. end up have to go to fareast to sign the contract with the organiser for countdown.. wtf rite?! still need contract -.- scared we run away ar.. lol! so anyway, the ppl are confirm le.. VIP wil be me, shir, jyun, ash and fei dancing.. =D and today we learn abit of the song passion, and ran thru the old steps le =) was initialy quite fed up =
it's like when learning passion, i felt so damn left out =( no one teach me! =( reali is i ask also no one answer that kind lo.. damn sad la.. thn wat's the point of me goin sia =\ i jiatao dun wan learn liao.. sit down slack.. hai.. but after awhile ok le la.. moodswing i guess.. recently my moodswing waas quite bad.. and i'm very easily irritated and easily angered lei.. how come siak =\ scary.. even when i work, i also super entertain that kind =\ sometimes even wil give black face or stone there =\ hurr~

ok nvm... after that, wahh~ alot of suay thing happen.. initialy was suppose to meet sii go MOS.. end up she always nv pick up my call and super late reply my sms.. i was damn angry in the first place.. cos it's like.. she went in.. i thot we're suppose to go in tgt.. =\ and til like 10.30 thn she ask me "where r u" -.- and the invite can onli enter before 11.. HELLO~ who wont angry upon hearing ur fren went in first when u guys are suppose to go tgt??

ok nvm.. after that i didnt wan to go le.. cos super no mood liao =\ thn ash got her fren to sign me in =) ok la.. stil abit sian sian.. but thn juz go lo.. was ok la.. was very boring in the first place.. the music SUCKS la!!! X( thn me, ash and her frens were super slack lol~ dance abit, slack, dance abit, slack.. haha! alot of despo guys sia =
got this guy damn funny, he wanted to dance with me.. so when i was dancing facing the inner side of the circle we created, he stood behind me trying to hold my waist.. =\ i thn like stare at him abit abit, hint him to "GO AWAY!" but he stil stay *nabeis* thn i jitao stand there dun wan to move.. thn he stil continue!!! *fucking nabeis* thn i damn pissed, i turn and stare at him directly in his face lol!!!! thn he siam.. ma de! dunno how to zi dong one siak @#$%^&*

thn.. saw vic and he dance with sii.. lol.. thn wah lol! when i was at the side, got a guy came.. standing SUPER politely, like when a waiter serving u, hands both put infront, with a WIDE smile.. saying "wo ke yi gen ni tiao wu ma?" (can i dance with u?) wah i jitao dunno how to react and reali feel like laughing like siao =X like super noob la! lol!!! =X and he reali super polite lol!!!! thn i was like "shit la! how how how!??!?!?!" lol! but no one ard to help me so i say "orh" lol!

but hor!!! funny thing is..... we onli dance less thn 1minute lol!!!! and we were standing not close AT ALL.. thn vic pulled me away le lol!!! *thank god he saved me* lol!!! so we al dance in group =) thn juz dance le lo lol! after awhile saw BFC.. thn they open circle lol! thn i stand at the side watch ma.. quite far away la.. thn hor!!!!!! wah buay tahan!

got this guy, cam eup to me say "my fren have been lookin for u the whole nite.. he thinks you're reali cute.. can you dance with him just once?" WTF?!?!?!? lol! my reaction was, i turn to sii wanted to ask her.. cos i THOT the guy is referring to her lol! that's the usual case ma.. no meh? lol!! thn before i reach si, i tink again.. so i ask the guy repeat wat he say lol =X thn he say again thn i "HUH?!" lol =X thn he say they have been following me =X thn he even show where i stood, where i walk to blahh blahh blahh! wah jitao SCARY!!!!! =\ i was STALKED at MOS! lol

damn funny.. how come guys al weird weird one.. today, kana one despo, one super polite lil boy, and a group of stalker!! wtf?! but luckily nothing happen la.. HENG ar! thanks to mr vic for helping haha =D and also kim and his frens abit help help also if see something wrong.. =) last part of the day at MOS was good =) too happening to be not good liao lol! so many weird thing somemore all happen tgt one!! lol! i siam one, the other come -.- faint..

i guess i wont be goin to sch later lol =X tired la! somemore math =\ GONE~ somemore got work at nite =\ hurrr.. dying le la.. dreadful life =( anyway gotta treat myself nicer haha =) gonna love myself more more more! pamper! i'm a girl after all.. =) been hanging out with guys too much off my life =\ in pri sch was joey and gang, sec sch was the 7 bro, and now in poly the funny bboys in my sch -.- jiuming.. how can i be known as a girl liddat?!?!? raahhhh! if any guys are reading.. please note that miss iko is a GIRL!!! =( treat me more like a girl pls =( i may be very chor lor.. but i got my gentle points one ok =( i'll be grateful if u juz treat me more like a girl.. :D

ok gotta go rest soon le.. tired ar~~~ anyway mr maroon say he saw me at MOS.. but never call me cos he scared i dun recognise him -.- lol! cute la~ ok reali gtg.. nitey~ *hugs* ZzZzZzZzzzz..

i aint wanna be super hot..
i aint wanna be super cute..
i aint wanna be super pretty..
i juz wanna be a cheerful me with a lil bit of everything..
just me..

damn super tired @_@ juz came home from work =\ but it seems that i'm kinda enjoying my workt here ehh lol! today seems to pass faster thn 2 days ago.. and of cos i seems more "blend in" le haha! =) ppl there are nice la.. and woohoo~ can bring hp along when we work sia lol! didnt noe til today -.- but cannot openly use la..

finally got a few ppl can talk to one le =) got xiao jie, penny, and this guy i dunno his name =X he's a cook la.. so we dun get to talk muxh but juz now he go "eat snake" at sake bar lol! he dirnk sia! free!!! FREE!!! X( why liddat one! lol! there reali abit overly good le lei =\ pay so high.. so slack.. thou work there like work in palace la -.-

reali sia.. imagine have to kneel down to serve in 2 rooms.. thn must walk small steps, wear the uniform like palace maids -.- and say al the jap jap thing -.- but fun la.. new life haha! =) and finally after 3 days of work, i got my punch card -.- like FINALLY!! lol! ok i'm damn tired now.. gonna watch 1 or 2 ep of bleach thn settle some dance stuff thn KO! tml got school! whee~ ok i'm gonna be good and go to sch everyday *i try* =X

damn super tired @_@ juz came home from work =\ but it seems that i'm kinda enjoying my workt here ehh lol! today seems to pass faster thn 2 days ago.. and of cos i seems more "blend in" le haha! =) ppl there are nice la.. and woohoo~ can bring hp along when we work sia lol! didnt noe til today -.- but cannot openly use la..

finally got a few ppl can talk to one le =) got xiao jie, penny, and this guy i dunno his name =X he's a cook la.. so we dun get to talk muxh but juz now he go "eat snake" at sake bar lol! he dirnk sia! free!!! FREE!!! X( why liddat one! lol! there reali abit overly good le lei =\ pay so high.. so slack.. thou work there like work in palace la -.-

reali sia.. imagine have to kneel down to serve in 2 rooms.. thn must walk small steps, wear the uniform like palace maids -.- and say al the jap jap thing -.- but fun la.. new life haha! =) and finally after 3 days of work, i got my punch card -.- like FINALLY!! lol! ok i'm damn tired now.. gonna watch 1 or 2 ep of bleach thn settle some dance stuff thn KO! tml got school! whee~ ok i'm gonna be good and go to sch everyday *i try* =X

ah lalala~ so bored now in class -.- anyway had a nice nice gd rest ytd lol~ more of like coma =X i was watchin bleach.. half way i'm sooo tired and my eyelids are so heavy that i walk to my bed and KO =D lol! mummy say i look like walking zobie -.- and while sleeping she keep disturbing me lol! ok for those who dunno, we sleep tgt =D sweet hor?? hehehee~

thn i woke up at 5am -.- go toilet pee thn back to slp again lol! at first i thot i was late for sch.. thn i see the clock was like 5 onli -.- so i slp back haha.. and when i woke up at 7 .30 for sch, i felt SUPER ^^ like reali super recharged la lol!!! i promise i'll try my best not to skip sch le.n now's the time for me to buck up on my studies and earn money as well.. thou the job is hard for me to adapt to but thn no choice la $$$$$

i'm stil trying to fix my blog html -.- bear with me awhile k.. hehe.. i juz love this layout but the code got prob la =( stupid html! X( anyway later gotta work siansssssss.. after sch, go home change.. thn off to work.. i MUST get my concession man.. before i die =\ yeap yeap.. wil be back home at bout 11 ba.. thurs mos? i dunno sia =\ JY ask me sat.. sii ask me thurs.. wtf?! =\ of cos i wil go with sii la =X but thurs lei.. fri my mathhhhhhhh it's a dreaddddddddddd.. X(

oh well.. shall see ba.. tertiary fling on thurs.. shud be quite fun ba.. juz dun get al the underage lil kids there can liao.. waste space waste time.. sians.. go 3rd meeting le.. buaizz..