cant help but to tear for one of our might-be-last conversation :(
knowing that he'll be gone aft tonite.. he'd be someone's :(
i'm still thankful that i was once being missed by him..
i'm still thankful that i had the chance to go thru watever we both have been thru tgt..
thou it's ridiculously short.. but i felt blissful.. at least for awhile..
i dunno how am i gonna handle this 2nd heartbreak..
but i know i'm gonna survive as time goes by..
felt so 无辜 having to be punished for someone's mistakes.. :(
but well.. it takes 2 hands to clap.. it'll be pointless if i force him into something he doesnt wants to..
perhaps we reali wan each other alot.. but without the courage to take the risk and the first leap..
everything goes down to nothing..
tonite.. i just wanna spend some nice and sweet time with him..
perhaps our last moment..
just let me indulge in it just for tonite..
i want to be greedy.. but i cant..
i must stay contented.. 


one day when u felt all alone and have no one to confide in, turn ard.. i'm always there to give u a real good hug..

it was a terrible night for me on 12 Jan 2013 :( initially everything was ok.. had lesson in the day and after that had some drinks with him, JR and qad.. was happily playing COD and drinking and singing and i dunno how the hell i can get drunk in 2 towers.. after which, i had a TERRIBLE fall at the roadside :( face was gone and some scratches on my hand and knee.. front tooth chipped and bleeding like mad.. i couldnt feel the pain as i was reali drunk.. i onli rmb pieces of wat happened.. i rmb me sitting down on the road, spitting out blood.. aft that i rmb me being in JR's van and N was grabbing onto my hands to stop me from moving, while qad was on my legs to clean my wound.. i know i was making alot of noises but i dun rmb if i did cry =\ i tink the pain will be terrible if i wasnt drunk =\ aft that i rmb they were rushing me to some clinic to see a doc.. next scene i rmb is the doc cleaning my wound.. thn we were at his place, 4 of us in the hall, and i was being forced to finish a huge bot of milk =\ milk aft beer.. hmmm not a good taste reali.. thn i felt more awake aft that alr.. the pain starts to kick in and qad cleanse my wound.. i still didnt noe how bad the injury was.. til they left and i went to the washroom.. i nearly fainted aft looking into the mirror =\ and was wondering why the hell am i being left at his place :( with this face.. this state.. omggggg :( the sleepover was nice.. at least he comforted me pretty much.. all the strokes and pats.. felt reali good.. the onli problem i was having is how to face mummy :( and also how do go work and school.. i was suppose to have ITM quiz today which contributes 20% to my final exam grade.. luckily Dr Poh says with valid medical reason i can be exempted and my final exam will weigh 70% instead of 50%.. heng ar! it felt nice spending the night (or rather day) with someone u likes.. seeing him slping soundly was a nice sight :) nv believe i can actually look at him this closely.. was tinking of the first day we met and now.. lol things reali happen unexpectedly.. it felt reali comfy to be hugged to slp by him.. and reali nice when we held hands.. thou he cant rmb lol. but still i felt happy n blissful.. he got the "i wanna dote on him" kinda look on him while he was slping.. at this point.. i gotta agree that he's reali cute.. tsk.. and when he wakes at 4, he ask me to wake him at 4.45 i was asking y ar? he say i need to take my med.. at that point, i melted totally.. no one has ever pay so much attention to my medication.. not even mummy lol.. i noe all of these is just a one time thing.. which wil never happen again.. but stil i'm thankful for being able to feel blissful aft all the shitty wounds..

another thing i gotta be thankful is C.. aft knowing i was injured, he came all the way to fetch me home and cleanse my wound for me and prepared food for me.. i felt touched.. althou our brkup was kinda bad.. he still cared for someone like me.. but i know we can never go back to the past.. too much have happened and we both have changed too much.. today he came over to buy mummy food and attend to my injury as well.. was reali touched.. his granny is in hospital and he have to run ard the hospital, his place, work and now attending to me who is not even his gf.. sigh.. i'm feeling all guilty now.. :(

God.. i'm at a very very lost situation.. please tell me what should i do.. :( and please heal my injuries soon and i pray that there would not be any scar :( i already dun have a pretty face.. pls dun make it worst :(

sigh..

today, i did one of the craziest thing i wil ever do for someone.. i was having a rather tiring week since fri as SC chalet was over the weekend.. had less thn few hours of slp each day, drink everyday, swim, play, laugh.. aft which, monday i had a long n busy day at work, i had my management lessons at nite aft that, phone call with him til 4plus? lol.. tues, i had a long day at work with onli 3hr of slp, end work, met up with ser and my qad for shopping at bugis.. went home at 11plus, did abit of my assignment and waited for him to be home safe (i tried but failed thou) fell aslp at bout 2plus.. wed, again, long day at work, and had accounting class :( reach home, brain dead but stil continued with my assignment til 1plus, texted him for awhile and KO at 2plus.. today, i told myself i wanna catch up with all the rest i needed and have a gd jog aft buying my heels.. ended up.. a bad news broke in.. he face a break up =\ i wasnt reali happy knowing that he's unhappy.. am worried that he'll be sad over it, and drink like no tml.. i understand the pain of break ups.. i noe how much we wanted someone to be there just for us in times like this.. just anyone.. thou i was reali tired, i wanted to just be there for him.. be it talk cock session, drinking session or simply listening to him.. so aft buying my heels, i rushed home, bathed and prepared to go bishan to meet him.. it was a gd chill out night.. Except tat i skipped my dinner and was having a terrible gastric :( but am glad that he isnt in a as bad shape as i thot he would be :) he had a long day.. with less thn 3 hrs of slp, off to wrk and lasted the entire shitty day til now.. kinda heartbreaking thou =\ but well well.. nth i can do except to be there for him.. just hope he will still be motivated to work harder and strive for his own good :) hopefully he'll be ok :) argh.... it's gonna be a shitty day tml :( gotta wake at 6.30 and i'm stil awake! damn!! gotta hit the sack! gdnite my lonely world :')

p/s : 可以做最爱你的朋友，这样就可以了。。希望你幸福。。 晚安 <3 p="p">

apparently he's still not well.. sigh.. worst is i can no longer nag at him..

just hope he can take care of himself.. which i highly doubt.. so just hope the gf wil be sensible enough to do the job..

it's saddening when my concern becomes a bother to ppl i care for.. tsk..

it hurts alot when that sentence was made..

call me petty..

yes i am! when it concerns ppl i cared for especially when it comes to health..

sigh...

ok i shud wash my hands off him alr.. time to stop everything..

onli 1 word to describe my feelings today..

hais............... :(

have u ever fall for someone, declared u likes him.. things were better thn expected.. suddenly overnight, he's attached.. :(

it felt like a billion knife just pierced through my heart..

it was.. terrible..

was expecting his name to flash on my phone the entire day.. keep checking n checking n checking.. of cos.. it nv happen.. missed him terribly much.. thou i was prepared for the outcome.. but i didnt wanna face it.. i noe i have to.. but.. hais :(

how can it hurt so much when i'm alr prepared???

suddenly.. all our CNY plans.. gone.. our drinking session.. gone.. all the beautiful dreams.. gone..

there's someone now.. he no longer needs a listening ear from me.. no longer needs someone to acc him on the phone while travelling.. no longer needs someone to share his happiness with.. it's time i take my leave..

there's a thousand million words i wanna say to him.. a thousand million emotions is overwhelming within me.. but there's nothing i can do now..

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh i need a gd loud cry :(

Where's my half?

Madly in love with this song currently..

thou it somehow makes me feel reali reali lonely =\

sigh..

still a gd song for a gd cry :')



一半
喝酒的伴 一起看电影的伴
早午晚餐的那个伴
朋友不能留得太晚 明天要上班

唱K的伴 一起去旅行的伴
听懂我的笑话的伴
我的生活 只差那个人就美满

快乐剩一人分享 快乐就只剩一半
喝一碗汤 心怎么都不够暖
这张被单 这张睡床
再舒服都觉得太宽

没人分享 幸福就只剩一半
就算把日子都填满
节日却提醒我孤单

没有想法 有想法又能怎样
只能写部落格整晚
几个留言安慰不了 心里的遗憾

没有负担 原来也是种负担
自由多得让人心慌
你羡慕我 那要不要跟我交换

快乐剩一人分享 快乐就只剩一半
喝一碗汤 心怎么都不够暖
这张被单 这张睡床
再舒服都觉得太宽

没人分享 幸福就只剩一半
别来提醒 我多孤单
快乐剩一人分享 快乐就只剩一半

喝一碗汤 心怎么都不够暖
这张被单 这张睡床
再舒服都觉得太宽

没人分享 幸福就只剩一半
就算把日子都填满
没人知道我多孤单

it's a painful night for me.. totally.. :( firstly was someone whom i called a fren whom i confided in during my breakup.. listened to him and slowly healed myself optimisticly.. someone whom i'll miss if i didnt see him for like more thn a month or so (as a fren or brother).. and just cos of some unknown reason, he chased me out of the fking place where i used to hang out (aft closing hours).. the place where always will accomodate to my timings and likings..

i dunno but i feel sad.. it's like, firstly, i dun frequent there much as often as i used to be, secondly, it's where i call my darts home.. HOME is a very strong word i use.. perhaps to anyone of u it doesnt matter.. but to a homeless person like me, it means alot..

but watever.. i was just purely pissed with that.. wat's worst is below.. :(

i gotta admit that i had a crush on someone recently.. call it eyecandy, or infatuation admirer, i dun reali care.. but somehow or somewhat, he's been running thru my mind ALOTT :( when i wakes up, i tink of him, before i goes to bed, he's there on my mind.. argh...... i feel fucked.. :(

especially when i gotta know that he actually got someone that he is seeing :( arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh heart breaking like totally :( and best part.. i dunno why the fk am i doing.. always trying to be a NICE person :( trying to patch things up between them.. it ALWAYS happen on me :( it breaks my heart to see a "原本可以成功的爱情" turns into dust.. even if it's on someone i fancy.. but at the same time.. my heart hurts a thousand million times :( sigh.. confessing my love is NOT right at this timing when i got to know all these.. but not confessing.. i feel that i'm doin a suicide here :( omg... i wanna strip myself off all emotions :( so that i will never ever feel this way again.. i wanna run from reality.. as far as i can.. argh................. fk............ just die alr iko :(