my dear complain that i didnt update my blog lol~ so here i am to blog =) anyway this 2 days i slack at home so no diff from bloggin ornt.. patch things up with the guys and ya ineed msn kills -.- msn alos made us misunderstood each other.. nabei.. suddenly i wish to go back to those days without computer.. but nah i dun wanna go back cos i wil start complaining about no com la.. i wan use net la blahh blahh blahh~

heard from my jiemei nikz.. that we got chingay workshop after 12th.. omg izit?! jiuming ar.. i can sense it's gonna be a busy month for me lol~ no.. busy few months~ cos if i not wrong we'll have to perform for the actual chingay itself which is in feb -.-

oh and lush is goin out for hari raya on 18th ^^ guess it's gonna be fun man.. we're gonna dress up like them and TRY to be like them haha~ it's a gd and fun way of learning one another's culture yea? guess my culture faci will be damn happy if she noes this.. but nah she's not gonna noe lol~ we're gonna find black baju man.. HOW TO FIND?!?! X( my malay frens are damn limited la.. zzzzzzz

gotten my deathnote anime ep 1-4 down on dvd le.. so shiok la.. watch al at one go XD and am gonna convert my Stand up! into smaller files thn can burn.. sian -.- thn after that, my com wil have much more space le! whee!!! XD found the show that mummy's looking for as well.. haha.. gd la.. but hopefully someone wil seed it.. if not tink no nid to dl le -.- and chewing on the chewy gum which dear bought for me ^^ been chewing on it for very long le.. lol~ siao liao..

oh ya.. and my lappie's very retarded recently.. my msn is damn lag and my internet sometimes cant even open a page.. sickening la.. rahh~ ok i go sian le.. lol~ gd nite!

i wish this period of busy schedule of him wil pass faster..
missing those days we were out on date..
missing those days where we go slack in town..
missing every moment with him..
missing u..

taken granted once again.. ha.. how nice.. not once not twice.. but umpteen times.. why is it that always when i'm helping someone, when the person needs help.. thn they'll come "iko.. can help me..." but when i'm not needed, not even a sms nor call.. let alone msn.. are humans reali so selfish? self centered? where's all the true frenship? they're onli seen truly when one met with danger isnt it? when al my frens met with danger, i'm always there.. when they needed help.. i'm always there.. but when i met with danger.. who's there for me?

isnt frenship a two way thing? but why am i facing it alone now? i am no dogs trying to tag along it's owner.. i am no charity machines to help u with ur chores.. i am a human.. with flesh and blood and feelings.. i need frens too.. not onli anyone of u out there.. i need true frens.. ppl who understand me and protects me as a true frens.. not those with fake lips fake words.. fake smile and fake intentions.. why do i feel lonely? why do i feel frenless? parts and parcel of life? i guess..

seeing people giving up on themselves yet i cant do anything is the worst.. the end of the world is when i myself dunno how to communicate the message to them.. i'm bad at words.. i noe.. and i'm bad at controlling my temper.. especially with ppl who dunno how to control theirs.. am i sure i wanna be a instructor one day? pastor cecil says God's plan for me has something to do with the children ministry.. can i do that? am i fit for it? i doubt so.. i cant even help ppl ard me.. how am i to be able to help ppl whom i'm not related to?

i've always felt taken granted when helping these guys.. i noe this day wil come.. either they give up on themselves or me giving up due to miscommunication.. i knew it and i expected it.. but why am i so foolish to continue throwing myself deeper? continue helping them? why am i always so stupid? and why the fuck is this enthusiasm in me in helping ppl? what's so gd about helping others? what benefit do i get? nothing.. even the frenship is fake.. do they befriend me because of my network of frens? because of my ability to bring them intot he scene? thn.. wat's the point of me being a fren that helps?

seeing them being so slack worries me alot.. because i "manages" them.. but wat can i do? it's their life.. they decides.. i shouldnt even have ask them to join watever comps.. i shouldnt even have helped in the first place.. quarrelling with my bf so many times over them? what's the point? what's the point of me getting sad and emo over this when they themselves are hack caring? and even someone being so childish? hais.. it's ok.. treat it as a burden down.. one climbs higher after a fall yea? ppl who took me granted.. wil have their time one day too..

getting damn emotional recently..
wat's wrong with me?
hais..

A dandelion is a weed. It is a pretty weed.

People don’t like to have weeds in their garden, no matter how pretty the weeds are. People trample on the weeds they encounter sprawling in their paths. People normally get to appreciate a dandelion when they realize that it can be blown after they make their wishes on it. They think, eventually they will get their wishes as soon as the remnant of the flower reaches the sky. Then, they forget about the pretty weed as if it never existed.

As the dandelion gets carried off by the wind, it says a prayer only God can hear.“Lord Almighty, please let me reach the heavens so as to fulfil the wish cast upon me. Make your angels let me glide along their wings for I am too weak to fly alone. Please tell a cloud to transport me in Your arms for by that time I get too high, I might be too tired to carry on. When I reach You, Father God, only then I am certain I could die in perpetual bliss.”

A beautiful article which i happen to come by while doing research on dandelion.. i somehow feel it's not as lowly as a weed.. but neither is it a flower nor a grass.. that's y i had a hard time finding it.. anyway it's a weed... but God has seen and understand it's "suffering" of being dislike by humans, God gave it beautiful yellow petals and even after death, it became a "wish making" plant.. it is rumoured that when u blow off the wilted dandelion's fluff after making a wish, when it reaches the sky, the angels will receive them and it will come true..

what a beautiful tale for huma to accept dandelion ehh? but sadly.. like the article says.. soon, humans will then forget the existence of dandelion.. anyway, i've found this another article as well on a christian webby.. i will paste some parts here while if u guys wan can go check it out yea? =) it's a beautiful piece of writing..


Dandelions are no respecter of persons. They adorn the yards of the rich and show their yellow glory around the hovels of the poor. They delight to grow in the cemetery or in the garden of the Prince. They flourish in the woods where no one can observe them, or they show their smiling faces right near your front steps though they certainly will be dug up at the first opportunity. How persistent they are. How quickly they develop. They are up in the morning before you are. They blossom and go to seed and seed your neighbor's lawn while you are trying to make up your mind whether to dig them out yourself or hire someone else to do it. They are the first to bloom in the Spring and the last to be discouraged in the Fall.

If the grass in your front yard is two inches high the dandelion will grow three inches. If you should neglect to cut the lawn and the grass grows five inches long the dandelion will grow six inches high and smile at the sun. If you should be on a vacation and the grass should grow ten inches long, then that persistent, "not to be whipped" dandelion will grow eleven inches tall and stick up its nose at the passing throng. It simply will not be downed. It rises above "its circumstances." It will not be outdone by its neighbors. It has an ambition to get somewhere and it gets.

The dandelion is not easily discouraged. It does not wilt with sorrow because it has to bloom behind the barn. It does not hide its face with shame because it cannot be on the front lawn of the courthouse. It does the bidding of its Maker happily and beautifully, whether it is in an obscure place or in a very prominent garden.

http://www.wholesomewords.org/etexts/wilson/strang01.html

new skin!!! XD i LOVE this skin ALOT! i actually stole inspiration from the helen the baby fox's official website hehe =X but i love it so damn much la! =X i lvoe HELEN (the fox) hehe..

HELEN THE BABY FOX!

i can onli say i give FULL marks to this show!!! after quill and windstruck, i've NEVER cried so badly for any show.. omg la! it's damn touching! it's about this lil boy who meet this baby fox.. and the worst thing is, the fox had brain damage due to unknown reason.. no one can cures her.. not even vet from some university..

the fox cant see, cant hear, cant smell and cant call out.. but the lil boy didnt give up on her and kept believing in her and helped her.. and alot alot came la.. it's juz fucking touching and teaches one not to give up no matter wat happens.. the sad thing is helen died =( she survived only 3 weeks after the lil boy found her..

i cried like mad i can say.. and now my eyes totally swollen -.- thanks my dear for buying me the vcd XD *muack* it's a show i'll never regret searching til i die for lol =X all animals lovers Must WATCH!!!! the storyline is better thn quill.. but the touching parts is about the same la.. it's just TOUCHING!!! and sad.. =( omg i tink i better go slp soon lol =X i'm beginning to go maad over helen le lol =X gd nite!

Did this test which my fren send me.. i'm juz being truthful when i answer them and the purple lines are the comments from myself to the analysis..

You are a person who is keeping things to yourself.
yes.. very true..

Any friends that came along, you will accept and trust them completely.
yes.. cos i tink it's tiring to have doubts..

What you want in your life is half fullfilled.
huh.. wat do i wan in my life? =\ i dunno.. love? dance? frens? family? half fulfilled? i guess not even abit..

You are weak in your life and tends to be fragile.
ya i am fragile.. very.. that's y i have to protect myself with walls which no one can climbs..

You have an average sex drive.
i tink i dun even have any.. remember one test i took "you're a dead fish".. i'm not shy of it.. it's ok.. i rather not having sex in my entire life.. what's so gd about them.. yuck

You have a few good friends in your life.
ya.. used to have alot.. but oh well..

Your last relationship is good and it's still fresh in your heart.
oh with K? yea it was a gd one.. no nice ending but it isnt fresh la. juz that memories can never be forgotten.. especially when u gave ur all.. yet in exchange gotten bruised al over..

Even when your partner is around you, you will flirt around with others.
i heard about this.. i ask zw they al whether am i considered flirting.. cos i always hang out with them.. they say abit la.. but i can say i dunno it.. and i dun tink it's flirting

You get a high ego.
ya very true

A humble personality is in you.
i dunno is it considered humble or no confidence.. but ya i got no confidence and i guess thus i have to be humble..

You get average bond with your friends.
?? i dun understand this anyway.. juz noe that me and my frens dun have unhappy bonds..

Your partner is pure and good in your heart.
good yes.. pure.. abit no.. a pure person dun pursues things which he is pursuing.. i pure person wont complain as much.. a pure person is neutral..

Your partner is a very homely and humble person.
homely yes.. humble abit.. he had reach the age of being a homely guy.. humble? at times.. when he sees something reali impressive he'll be humble to praise them if not.. he'll go "it's F up" again..

You will go to your friends whenever you are met with problems.
yes.. this is truer thn the truths of the world.. friends are closer to me thn my family and even my bf.. i dunno why but yes.. this is me..

the best song that describes my feelings now.. a christian song.. but seriously nice..

Jaci Velasquez - lay it down

I’ve been looking ‘til my eyes are tired of looking
Listening ‘til my ears are numb from listening
Praying ‘til my knees are sore from kneeling
On the bedroom floor

I know that You know that my heart is aching
I’m running out of tears and my will is breaking
I don’t think that I can carry
The burden of it anymore

All of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are slowly slipping through my folded hands

Chorus
So I’m gonna lay it down
I’m gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do
Everything I am depends on You

And if the sun don’t come back up
I know Your love will be enough
I’m gonna let it be, I’m gonna let it go
I’m gonna lay it down

I’ve been walking through this world like I’m barely living
Buried in the doubt of this hole I’ve been digging
But You’re pulling me out and I’m finally breathing
In the open air

This room may be dark but I’m finally seeing
There’s a new ray of hope and now I’m believing
That the past is the past and the future’s beginning to look brighter now

'Cause all of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are safe and secure when I place them in Your hands

-God pls help me.. show me what is it installed for me..-
-i will rest in you God..-
-i need a break..-
-life has been too hype for me..-