woots~

tired like mad.. juz now went for lush practise for chingay.. whee~ ash wil be joining with us as well ^^ so happy sia~ wasted that shir and jyun could not join.. and of cos wasted that emi cannot join also =( but nvm la.. soon man~ my dearest emi wil be back XD i wann jian fei la =( rahh~ fed up sia~ @#$%^

anyway lush practise schedule is out lol~

sat 21oct 5pm esplanade
sun 22oct 3pm esplanade
wed 25oct 3pm esplanade
fri 27oct 3pm esplanade (overnight)

shiok hor.. see the "overnight" faint~ somemore hor.. sat 28th is halloween lei! =( wanna go party.. i got no time to prepare my costume sia.. =( maybe wil do abit of editing her and there on my previous one.. thn 29th is the com liao -.- i CONFIRM not enough rest one lol~ but i wanna do my best la.. cannot freak out anymore~

and gonna prove to the idiot that say "i pulled lush down" lalala~ go and die.. i dun care bout u.. u're nothing but juz a dirt in my eyes.. =p lucky today learn 3 song of 4 le XD happy sia.. am very very sure of 1 song.. 2 more to familiarise and ard 1 more to go~ woohoo~ lush's gonna bring the stage down that day man~ XD

ppl.. come come support us ok! omg~ my very first comp with lush XD wahaha~ i siao liao.. gd nite~

was surfing online and happened to come across these phones! mad one.. singapore cannot find de sia!!! and i LOVE THEM! X( so unfair sia! rahh~~~

nokia 6265i.. i fucking love this phone i swear! it's like 6280 but nicer! much nicer! X(





nokia 5200.. cute hor?! lol! look like toy sia! but super cute if got pink i swear i'll love it.. but i tink the camera not gd.. 6265i stil the best XD



3250!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but this is 3250 sister lol~ 3250 Xpressmusic.. nice rite! silver lei! waliew~ XD and it can support up to 2GB MMC sia! the normal one onli support up to 1GB..

i happened to juz read his blog and saw alot of things i tink i shudnt see.. ya i noe it's the past already i shudnt tink so much anymore.. but thn again.. he's juz making me feel so "tied" cant i go club? and i go club not when he's free.. i did not neglect him, throw him aside and go club ok.. i went club when he's busy.. no time for me.. dun i need my entertainment as well? dun i need frens?

if he tinks my world shud be 100% onli him.. i'm sorry i cant do that.. neither do i wan his world to be 100% onli me! come on la.. this is reality.. we need frens.. we need peers.. i too am human and am afraid of loneliness.. but it seems he cant see this! he always say he understand.. sound nice.. be nice..

but i cant stand goin to clubs having to worry "wat if he not happy" i cannot stand it! damn it.. it's not as if i go club and hook up guys or go ard fucking guys up.. i too dun get myself so drunk that i cant even recognise myself.. i go club to dance.. listen music.. relax.. hang ard with frens.. wat's wrong with that?!

and wat's so fucking wrong with him?! why cant i stay and watch felix battle? why cant i watch bboys battle? fyi i've been watching them way before i noe u ok!

"i wan a gf. so that i can shower my love and all on.
i no wanna be a father yet, to nag and scold and also at the same time shower my love on."

i dun wan anyone to nag me.. not even my mum nag me.. who else got the rights to nag at me? this is my life.. my choice of living.. no one controls it except me.. especially when u're my bf.. being my bf for like 3months.. u stil dun understand me?! having a r/s that lasted 5yrs or so, u cant understand how human change? u cant noe how to deal with situations?

i cant believe it.. i cant believe the guy i'm with now nags me like fuck.. why has he change so much? he wasnt liddat before.. i swear! some says "maybe he too stress with his work that's y start to be possesive over u and start to control u without knowing himself" WTF?! thn wat can i do?! let him control my life thru?! i dun wan! i dun wanna be controlled.. i wan, need and crave for freedom..

i thot this r/s wil be a free one.. one that trust is absolute.. one that is matured.. or at least a guy that understands wat i've been goin thru and will go thru cos he had been thru.. am i wrong? is this r/s reali not wat i expected? possesive.. something i used to be as well.. but i HATE it.. i dun wanna be a bird that's caught up in a cage..

"u say u know ur own limits. but do u know when is the limit to losing me?"

thn do u noe when is the limit to losing ME?! i dun control u.. i let u have ultimate freedom.. i give u space.. i even force myself to adapt to ur "no-time-to-meet-so-often" kinda r/s.. what else more u wan? so u expect me to be at home or school whenever u're not with me? i cant go out? i cant club? when u got no time to entertain me, leave it to my frens! dun make me suffer being alone at home.. caught in that bloody cold room of mine..

i need freedom.. i need frens.. dun try to caged me up juz because u're sress at work.. dun try to control my life or my mind for i am leading my life.. like u've said i'm a frenly person.. yes.. i am.. tat's y i need more frens and hang out with.. i hate and am afraid of loneliness.. so pls give me the freedom and space i deserve..

i'm starting to forget the meaning of the rainbow on our msn nick.. it was meant to be a promise from u to me to make me happy no matter wat.. but i can say.. i'm not happy when u're naggin and controlling me liddat.. i'm not happy when u're like 75% negative in life.. i'm not happy when u always say "it's fuck up.." i'm not happy when u get al stressed up and get over possesive over me.. if u tink this is making me happy, u're wrong.. pls tink in my shoe..

it's not as if i'm perfectly fine if i lose u.. it's not as if i dun wan u anymore.. but it's juz i dun wish to be controlled.. i wish for a free life.. i wish for a 100% understanding bf.. i wish for absolute trust.. but why are things changing it's path now? not onli i'm disturbed by it.. i'm sad.. disappointed.. tired..

losing grip..

i am missing him =(
lots!
i miss u
i miss u
i miss u
i miss u
i miss u
i miss u
i miss u
i miss u
i miss u
i miss u
i miss u
i miss u
i miss u
i miss u
i miss u
i miss u
i miss u
i miss u
i miss u
i miss u
i miss u
i miss u
i miss u
i miss u

24 misses for every hour of missing him..
my dearest..

hopefully he's ok..

may the sickness go away..

misses and onli misses..

hurrr i miss him =(

my dearie went melaka le.. sadded =( but he'll be back tml so stil ok.. lucky one day onli.. wanted to meet him for a nice dinner either ytd or tml.. but thn ytd got lush practise.. thn tml i dunno where and how he's coming back =\ so nvm lo.. wait for him at home ba.. today i very guai stay home rest.. (cos ytd and thurs play to much =X)

it's been long since i club for consecutive 2 days ZzZzzz.. but i no wan again man.. siao one.. ytd was cos of the bboy comp.. end up we miss the show cos i was late due to the lush practise.. end up juz club.. thn got ppl diss jc and kelvin.. so zhenwei go battle them.. woohoo~ i was damn happy la! lol~ thn the 3 of them al battle!

indeed ar.. they might not be very very gd.. but thn i realise that the oipponent is BFC and SFB ppl lol! they're nice la.. very very frenly =) i'm juz so happy that they took the first step to a deeper knowledge into the bboy scene ^^ i'm the manager? HUH!! lol! funny la.. thn khai from SFB came and ask them to join the comp! lol~ no nid me to persuade them le..

so they'll be joining next week ^^ and if i'm not wrong, hazrul they al also sia lol!!! lai liao lai liao~! XD i'm sure dearie wil be proud of them.. juz like he was proud of nelly they al when they join PSC comp.. ^^ they're al his student and he's always trying to help them so much.. wahh i feel so happy sia~ but can see them damn gan jiong la lol~ they're gonna bia like mad this week le ^^ while i wil bia my chingay with lush whee~

ytd learn 1 and 1/2 choreo lol~ nice sia! and easier thn last time de choreo.. the hardest is stil the one VIP used for girls nation.. tat one mad one lol~ but i got a feeling ar.. the other 3 songs wil be much harder ZzZzzz.. die le lo~ lol~ but i can do it! whee~ 2 more weeks for me~ 1 more weeks for them! wahahaha~ i kisiao le.. i go rest le buaibuai~

DEAR I MISSH U ALOT!!!!!! X(

my wonderful nite turned not as wonderful with his reply.. hais..

i thot he will understand..

disappointed..

i am juz a 19 yr old girl who likes freedom and likes to play..

i like to hangout with my fren..

i like my current lifestyle..

i will change one day..

but not now.. cos i admit.. i'm stil playful..

ya i admit it's partly my fault for not resisting the temptation to stay later..

for that i'm sorry..

but pls noe i'm stil very playful..

i noe my own limits..

i thot u would understand..
but i'm wrong.. hais

hmm actually i'm juz bored lol~ so here i am to blog.. anyway.. i had alot of thots ytd.. on different things in life.. one main thing that i will blog about now, is bout love.. relationships.. this is actually wat i realised thru out these years of seeing and experiencing thru BGRs.. so ya here it goes.. anyway is juz my personal thots la.. nothing to do with anyone here or anything else =)

i realised that.. or rather most of us realised that there's a "get-together season" and a "break up season".. and i juz thot that it might have something to do with the 4 seasons.. chun (spring) xia (summer) qiu (autumn) and dong (winter)..

during spring, it's the beginning of the year.. and if u realise, many relationship starts ard there.. i feel that maybe it's the beginning of the year.. everyone wish to have everything new.. start afresh.. thus in a gd mood, easily fall in love.. and also.. beginning of a new year.. means beginning of new school term, new workforce (for some).. new circle of frens.. thus meeting more new people..

summer.. it's the season of fun.. relax.. enjoy life.. many couples will go out and have fun, relax.. it's when the relationship is at it's maximum "fun" stage.. and also.. many knows that the "honeymoon" period in a r/s is about 3-4months or 5months for some.. thus after the 4months of spring had pass, this is the peak of the sweetness in a r/s..

autumn.. it's the season where leaves starts to fall.. flowers wilt.. and it's the time when couples start their quarrels.. or maybe not as sweet as ever.. and it's the lower part of a year.. and that's when many gets so tired of working, studying.. stress over exams, projects.. these causes one to feel moody easily.. and of cos.. when ur the other half is the one u turn to the most, u'll complain to him watever unpleasant things happened.. and thus more and more unhappy things build up..

winter.. it's the season when snow falls.. weather turns cold.. and many couples start breaking up.. for my case, ppl ard me is liddat la.. but if ur frens are not liddat thn they're not in this range that i'm talking about.. ard the end of the year, many couples break up ard me.. many quarrels and many many unhappy incidents..

and so.. the circle goes round.. make sense? i dunno.. but i certainly hope not.. who dun wish to have a stable happy r/s? who dun wish to have no quarrels and no disagreements? but thn.. it's hard.. well.. tat's why we always have to go thru so damn many failed r/s to learn every lil thing about being in a r/s before we meet the right person.. but i learnt one thing as well.. not everything that we've learnt previously, can be applied to the cureent person u're with.. cos everyone's different..

example.. few of my ex are the type that when they get angry, they wan me to keep quiet and juz leave them alone.. but now my dearest bf now is not that type at all.. like i've said.. each individual is different.. thus handling r/s takes alot of time and patience.. when ur patience runs out.. tat's the end.. in fact i believe that every r/s can work out one.. there's no "hopeless le la" or "this is the end we cannot go on anymore".. these are onli excuses made up for "i'm tired i wan to give up".. makes sense?

ppl always says.. "cherish watever u have rite now before they're gone.." i got this sentence from naruto.. "everythin thing with form eventually fades away" i noe it's juz a anime.. but it makes sense rite? it's true that everythin with form does fade away.. even rocks.. even water.. of cos.. humans.. once in a while, i'll imagine i lost my parents.. once in a while, i'll imagine i lost my frens.. the lost i meant here is death.. not juz quarrels or fights.. but deaths..

wat's so scary bout death? in fact.. i am not scared of death.. it's the effects on me, the effects on my frens and ppl ard me that i'm scared of.. loneliness.. tat's the scary thing.. we al have to learn to cherish before we regret.. this is one thing that's very very true in life.. well.. i guess i'm done with my nonsensical rant here.. haha.. but think it thru la.. talks of life ^^ heh~

god wil make a way for every darkness we face..
he died on the cross for our very sake..
thus he wil never forsake us..
nor wil i forsake him ^^