In a fucking angry fucking fed up fucking vulgar mood..

wat is this bullshit about trusting or not?! damn.. when u say u trust mi, thn TRUST me for heaven's sake! wat's this stupid thing "i trust u but i dun trust them" wtf??? so now i have to suffer for u not trusting them? being pissed here? it's reali wtf la.. so wat if one day they tell me "i like u" so wat?!?! i'll juz "orh ok lo thn?" thn wat else?! kaos.. the thot of it makes me like goin crazy now la.. knn! had a fucking bad day.. fucking bad starting.. fucking bad ending.. i swear whoever fucking is right infront of me now i see buay song i'll slam the fucking face straight down.. cb! i dunno wat's wrong with him today also la.. or rather the person with something is me lor.. but i dun care la.. stupid PMS is killing me now and the stupid tiredness is making me mad la.. wah reali feel like just shouting and screaming like a mad person now.. ah fuck everything la.. tml better that bryan quk or the fucking cheena dun pissed me off if not he or she'll be the sacrifise for this month i swear!!!

fucking cb better dun step on my tail or i'll kill anyone no matter who u are.. fuckers!

ahhh~ happy 3rd month to me and my dearie!! ^^

sososo many ups and downs lol~ but thn we're stil surviving ^^ whee~! our love is 3months and stil counting ^^ ytd went to town with dearie.. had dinner at steakhouse at cine.. thn went to watch movie "rob-b-hood".. NICE SIA!!!!! XD damn nice show lol! funny and touching! and the baby damn cute!!!!!! XD

i wonder next time my baby wil so cute ma lol =X but my baby's eyes confirm nice lol =X cos my eyes i like hehehe! not exactly la.. my eyes troublesome.. but fierce i like wahaha~ anyway our date was a short one but i'm very happy.. cos nothing unhappy happen and aiya we're juz very very happy la lol =X

but now.. in class, i'm fucking sian.. but nvm.. wil blog about it later.. =)

TIRED @_@

ok anyway, went to cube today with dearie and gang to watch the comp.. i can onli say.. it's a very very nice battle! ^^ dearie's crew won against hellboyz (1) and BFC won against hellboyz (2).. sad thing that both hellboyz crew lose.. but thn i can say.. my impression of them changed a whole big lot! they were nicer and frenly in battle.. at least they're not so beng anymore which is a very very gd thing ^^

thn the 2 winning teams got free beer ZzZzZzz.. and is reali ALOT of beer.. mad one! thn got this 2guy.. 1 from hellboyz.. and the other one name yat.. who is a dancer aint a bboy.. came and cheers with me.. OMG! bottoms up! siao one! one big mug of beer lei!!! B-E-E-R!!! X( lol! but ok la.. they are very nice =) got to chat with yat quite alot.. lol

and he's from urban vive.. i tink i spell correctly ba =X but ya i heard of them b4 nong nong ago ^^ and he say he heard my name nong ago also siak!!! lol! he say he ask ppl who's dancing blah blah.. thn ppl say al the names thn "the chinese girl iko" lol!!! -.- but he's very nice ^^ see! al dancers are nice hehe! including me wor =X

oh ya.. and he told me he need chinese girls dancer for his crew.. so i guess i wil recommend shir and jyun.. cos i tink ar.. they would like to dance with a malay crew as well.. but of cos not forgetting VIP la!! lol! wah.. thn would be real cool sia! XD but thn stil.. have to talk to them see wat's their opinion first.. =) juz a recommendation thou..

oh! have to say this! i swear! i promise! i guarantee! i will NEVER gei kiang again!!!! X( i act smart til my lil toe suffered like mad today =( cos i wore my tight high cut sneakers out today =( cos i wan to look different from other days ma.. juz try try not wearing my skateshoe but change to high cut sneakers.. end up.. less thn 2hours, my lil toe start to pain le =( thn i tahan.. cos i thot shud be ok..

thn til me and dearie were at raffles mrt there walking towards boat quy.. WALAO! i bth liao! thn i wore my high cut in a super lose manner -.- til i have to drag it in order to walk lol! thn we walk ard hoping to find some place that sells shoes.. almost got slippers lol! but thn club no slippers allow ma =( so walk ard find again..

find very very long lei!!! =( til we were at liang court, suddenly i saw a ray of light! and there's my savior.. i place that sells SHOES!!!!! XD so i bought my sch shoe which i wore back in sec days lol! the sleese velcro one.. skateshoe as well la.. but this time aint a skateshoe and aint sleese.. it's some chapalang brand lol and onli $15.90 XD wheee~ so lucky.. and it looks exactly the same as my sleese sch shoe lol!! wanted to get black.. but no my size =( so got the white one lo..

from thn on, iko lives happily ever after with her new shoe for the nite ^^ lol! reali siak! so shiok.. my lil toe was like RED and i reali mean RED~! poor thing =( thank god i found my savior ^^ thn we went cube le lo.. hehe~ after cube we went to mac makan, thn went to wait for NR home.. basket! my NR we waited for 1hr.. NO BUS CAME! &*(*^%$#@ so i reali fed up liao i took cab home =( $18.60!!!! my allowance for 2days!! hurhur! half my jeans! 1/3 of my converse sneakers!!! X(

nvm la.. siansations.. i go slp le.. tired le! gd nitey~ a happy day with a happy beginning and a beautiful ending~

happy me~

wahh very very tired sia! wat a super long day -.- had nap.. haha.. can u imagine?! me?! having nap?! lol! =X but is a accident nap la lol~ was watchin naruto thn suddenly i'm dreaming le.. lol.. thn when i wake up i continue watch cos my lappie was on my lap and i'm lying down on my bed lol!! thn i watch le i tink "eh how come i catch no ball sia?!" lol! thn i realise i miss one big chunk zzzzzzz

anyway i forgot to do my RJ sia lol! but submitted thru email juz now.. mad one! my RJ is mad mad mad! it's about math la.. but is SIAO ONE!!! i've never done a RJ tat need to do research one.. and i never had to use my brain to do a RJ.. kaos! ok anyway naruto.. haha.. i'm at episode 105 le! whee~ fast rite.. wahaha! actually dunnow at to blog bout.. but juz noe that my whole body's aching like MAD! lol!

cos of ytd gin's class ZzZz.. shiok thou hehe~ thn today nua whole day.. thn go home straight after sch.. lol~ i'm so looking forward to chingay and countdown la XD woohoo~ mix some song in class.. stil abit buang ar =X but i'll try again tml.. hehe.. tml's lesson slack la.. lol~ (i hope) hehe~ ok gonna post my MAD RJ here.. haha~ actually i also anyhow bomb one.. lol =X nvm la.. anyhow better thn nv do rite? lol~

RJ:This distribution is called Poisson distribution. Find out for me what is and let me know how it is related to our problem.

I only have a little bit idea on what today’s lesson is about.. I know it has got to do with probability and the (1-1/n)^n (I forgot what it is called I lost my notes as my com got hang) so I try my best to link this thing up and to see if my understanding of the poisson distribution is right or not..

From researching on net, this is the definition that I found for Poisson distribution.

It expresses the probability of a NUMBER OF EVENTS occurring in a FIXED period of time if these events occur with a known average rate, and are independent of the time since the last event.

And this is what I found as well.. and I guess that lambda is the (1-1/n)^n..
The Poisson distribution is determined by one parameter, lambda. The distribution function for the Poisson distribution is

f(x) = exp(-1*lambda) lambda^x / x!
also can write as
P(x) = µx · e-µ ÷ x!

-λ is a positive real number, equal to the expected number of occurrences that occur during the given interval. For instance, if the events occur on average every 4 minutes, and you are interested in the number of events occurring in a 10 minute interval, you would use as model a Poisson distribution with λ = 2.5.

so I guess that the relation between Poisson distribution and today’s problem is more of the way to find the probability. Eg. For today’s case, to find the probability of number of the fishes that can be caught by 1 patron in 1hour.

siao rite?!?!?!?! kaos! @#$%^&* took quite fast to finish it thou lol =X anyway goin to orhorh again le.. very pig today lol =X good nite! oh oh oh! and tml's lantern fest.. whee~ dunno goin where thou.. but am goin to CUBE with dearie to see some comp.. okie dokie.. reali gonna koonz liao.. gd nite!

i have no reason to feel sad..
cos my life's rather complete..
i wil stop dwelling and
stop wishing things would be like last time..
cos.. u've changed..
i'm gonna move on with what i have now..
a gd bf.. gd crews.. gd frens..
cherish more thn ever..

woots! sasuke is making me mad lol!!! XD ok nvm bout tat.. anyway.. am super super tired today =\ relai is the ZzzZzz type lol!! super late for sch.. but thn ya stil made it for the stupid UT and i copied answer from lifen.. ok not copy but REFER lol =X aiya no big deal.. haha~ thn went to HHIG lo.. see them break.. wah the gym area very fuck sia.. the "security" sooooo tight -.- no speaker.. as if we wil steal the speaker siao! lol!

the girl sya til like we wil steal liddat -.- boliao la! thn me and rey keep bitching about her lol! =X true ma.. even if we were to steal la.. it's so damn big -.- thn when we walk ard in RP or rather walk out of RP the security guard wont see meh?!?! lol! siao one sia! see how long they can last lo.. mad one..

anyway practise a LITTLE BIT on my lines and leg muscles while waiting for them.. thn after that went for movie with dearie ^^ watched john tucker must die.. funny la!! lol!! but abit touching =) thn have been thinkin bout stuffs al day long -.- lol! time for self evaluation as well =) well.. indeed, i've grown alot.. and am getting better at handling things.. =) at least to the majority ba =)

one can never satisfy needs of everyone yea? =) i've done my best.. i did my part as a fren.. as a advisor.. the rest is beyond my job.. and i believe God is in control =) she dun take me as a fren anymore? haha.. so be it.. thn i'll take al the "emotive words" said in the past as nonsense thn.. ppl tend to let their heart rule their mind.. well.. even me =X but i'm learning =)

another thing i have to learn.. is to noe how to draw a VERY CLEAR line between work, and personal.. i'm rather ok with it already.. but there's stil much more to learn.. ppl ask me.. "u sad over it?" "u regret?" my answer is nope.. cos i drew the clear line as a fren and as a partner in work.. but if the other party doesnt, it's kinda pointless to get sad or regret over it yea? =)

we wil move on.. there's nothin such as "i cant do with u" cos no one cannot do without anyone.. we come to this world alone.. we leave alone.. it's al within our control and God's control.. ya.. indeed it's rather sad to noe that my thoughts were being wrongly predicted.. that i dun even treat her as a fren.. that i dun even care.. oh well.. everyone noes.. tat's juz me.. i separate work and personal feelings.. and i did say "no hard feelings and not a personal attack"

other thn being misunderstood, there's nothing else i regret or am upset over.. so ya.. i tink i did the rite thing.. i was juz stating facts and my own true feelings.. "true frens make u sees ur flaws while fake frens hides them for u" i guess tat's al i can say.. maybe when she's more clear headed, she'll understand my point.. and maybe she wont misunderstand them.. oh well.. live goes on =) gonna have a busy busy busy weeks from now on! or even MONTHS! woohoo~

there's chingay, there's countdown.. wahh~ mad liao mad liao~ countdown 3 item somemore! faint! tink i wont be joining lush for countdown.. cos i tink i wil die on the stage lol!! =X tat'll be 5 items in total! siao! lol! training training training! gambate~!

i believe u wil read this.. or maybe not.. but i wil juz write it here..
maybe there's misunderstanding.. u might have interpreted my points wrongly.. or even my tones.. cos it's msn somehow.. and indeed, i'm not gd at words.. at all.. i've already tried my best to let u not misunderstand it and trying hard to not let u feel tat it's a demoralising thing from me to u.. but i guess it's stil misinterpreted.. al i can say is.. i stil haven give up on u.. and i will not give up on anyone.. the crew's open to al.. have a break tink bout it and decide when u're ready.. no one wil give up on u except urself now.. we chose to believe in u and to help u.. but it's al up to u now.. take care~

i dun dance for the sake of individual fame nor money.. but for the sake of the feelings being on stage with each and every one of u and my passion..

had a very emotive day lol~ or rather.. feel alot today.. gd and bad.. at first heard some rather saddening news from VIP.. wont say it much.. but thn ya it did bring me to the bottom once again.. =\ another person "giviing up" the dream.. the passion.. ya indeed.. everyone's different.. how we priorities things in our life.. well.. maybe her passion is not as strong as anyone one of us.. there's nothin else we can do for her anymore.. like wat another says.. "we've did our best"

and i suddenly thot.. "i have been to nice and soft to her.. i've always "protect" her from criticism.. til now she cant accept them.. lil lil setbacks, lil lil stress and POOF the passion's half dead.." ya la.. i noe la "every individual is diff" ok lo.. she noe wat she wants in life can le.. juz dun regret anythin like how she regretted giving up once..

thn after awhile..

tapa: iko u can come for practise today?

me: huh? for?

tapa: practise for PA comp.. you're in..

me: chingay?!?!

tapa: yup.. chingay

that gave brings back my smile for the day =) chingay from VIP is declined.. but chingay from lush is back once again! haha~ and the best part is.. from lush, 14ppl are joining!! lol! fun rite?!?! woohoo~ 14!!! i tink the whole of lush joining lol! looking forward to it =)

and settled some countdown thingy woth ann.. =) so i guess almost everythin is done =) next is to confirm the ppl for the performance =) which i tink is mostly settled haha~ sometimes i was wondering.. "why am i working so hard? why do i have to do everythin? why do i have to alias with organisers, why do i have to mix songs, why do i have to worry for every individual, why do i always have to be the one motivating them?"

but thn.. if i dun do it, who wil? at least this time round it's much better.. they're somehow helping themselves and me as well ^^ when i feel very very disappointed, they're there to cheer me on.. thanks ppl esp to shir ^^ i guess al of us have grown.. even myself =) i admit i do make mistakes here and there.. and u ppl helped me along the way =) *appreciates*

also had quite abit of emo in me thinking bout stuffs between me and dearie.. gd and bad.. first i thot bout our future.. wil al the quarrels gonna be like this forever? =\ wil we reali be able to accept one another as who we are.. i dun like it when he over stress himself.. but at the same time, he also dun like it when i'm too stubborn =X alot alot..

but yet again, i feel that i'm one of the luckiest girl to have him ^^ showered in love everyday, and someone who's there for me when i need him.. al this is enuff.. =) dear.. i dun nid a life of luxury.. i dun nid a guy who's damn successful in life or watever.. *juz enuff to keep us alive can le* i juz need u to love me the way i am.. may the days ahead be as the same as now.. but minus the quarrels yea? lol~ hugss..

i'm happy with my life..
i'm lucky to be in LUSH..
i'm lucky to have VIP..
i'm lucky to be with him..
i'm content..

am wacthing a documentary show now.. it's about some volunteer helping old ppl who're dying soon.. suddenly i felt that.. life is so pathetic.. we live.. we fought for success when we're young.. we do al we can to reach our passion.. we do our best.. we stress.. we cry.. but.. when were nearing death.. life seems like nothing.. it's juz like.. "why are we fighting so hard to live now?"

i feel very sad for those old ppl who dun have anyone to "send" them off.. i see this scene where they place the ashes rite inside the rows where is not visible at all.. i see this another scene where the ashes were thrown into the sea.. i suddenly feel.. "isnt there anyone that wil come and pray to them?" "are they reali so lonely in this world?"

it's kinda sad thou.. to noe that.. one day.. even i might not have anyone to send me off.. not being emo here.. but tat's the fact.. death is rather scary.. it makes us feel helpless.. hopeless.. and it's reali the end.. the end of al the sufferings we go thru in life.. the end of watever we've built in live.. so why do we live?

hais.. i dunno.. but i felt that.. life is nothing.. seeing ppl ard me stress over work.. stress over every other things.. it made me felt "why the fuck are u so stress for when u noe 're gonna die one day?" well.. maybe i'm not mature enuff to tink.. but tat's wat i feel at least for now.. i see no point making ourselves suffer in order to be the best.. but yet again.. there's this saying "we onli live once.. made it a worthy one" well.. juz let myself learn as my "deadline" is approaching ba..

i dun understand..