Where do i actually belong?

2011-07-20T22:49:00.000+08:00

i miss u.. so much :(

sigh.

2011-07-18T23:38:00.002+08:00

was having a rather bad day today :( woke up to a sudden empty feeling and was kinda pissed off at work due to someone. thn tummy didnt acted good today too :( was kinda negative in my brain in watever i do. sigh~ but suddenly came across this song via darling xuemin 幸福事小. it was a reali nice song. not very catchy but the lyrics is so damn nice. happiness is actually a very small and simple thing isnt it? this song tells it all. will i ever find my own 幸福? :\ kinda having a bad feeling over it since i've hit my 24 and heading to my mid 20s :( all i wanted was just a simple r/s. having someone to lean on and to grow with. indeed it's true.. 幸福来得不简单，但幸福本生是件很简单的事。我搞不懂，为什么那么简单的事却离我那么的遥远 :( 天使们，维纳斯女神。。你们把我遗忘了吗？ :(

sigh~

2011-06-27T22:47:00.003+08:00

hmm.. dust have been lying somewhere here for pretty long :x time for a little hitting of the keys on this dead space. life has been pretty ok so far since the last post :3 have been totally shutting myself off from the "love love" thingy to stop myself from hurting myself deeper :\ and have been focusing on working and earning money. but recently kinda came across a few lessons in life that i shouldnt shut myself out totally and shouldnt be TOO firm on the stand that money is SO important :\ but the thing is.. in my situation, how can it be not important? sigh. recently contacted back few frens from my longggggggggg ago past lol! am so glad we're in contact again after decades! miss all of them so much! xD after contacting back, we chatted bout pasts, silly things we did back thn, silly thinkings all of us were having lol~ was reali cute. and honestly i miss those days so much :( those were the days when we were all so naive, so innocent and so pure. sigh~ gone were the days as we grow older :( i wanna feel that feeling again! i wanna be who i was :( have been hearing this song 猜不透 by ding dang quite often recently and am reali loving this song sooooo much! the lyrics.. omg! >< every single sentence kinda hit real hard on me for my past r/s. this song came too late! LOL! it would have been a real good song for "recovery" during those times :\ but anyway just to share it :)

丁噹 - 猜不透

作詞：黃婷作曲：林邁可

猜不透
你最近時好時壞的沈默
我也不想去追問太多
讓試探為彼此的心上了鎖

猜不透
相處會比分開還寂寞
兩個人都只是得過且過
無法感受每次觸摸是真的是熱的

如果忽遠忽近的灑脫
是你要的自由
那我寧願回到一個人生活

如果忽冷忽熱的溫柔
是你的藉口
那我寧願對你從沒認真過

猜不透
相處會比分開還寂寞
兩個人都只是得過且過
無法感受每次觸摸是真的是熱的

如果忽遠忽近的灑脫
是你要的自由
那我寧願回到一個人生活

如果忽冷忽熱的溫柔
是你的藉口
那我寧願對你從沒認真過

如果忽遠忽近的灑脫
是你要的自由
那我寧願回到一個人生活

如果忽冷忽熱的溫柔
是你的藉口
那我寧願對你從沒認真過

到底這感覺誰對誰錯
我已不想追究
越是在乎的人越是猜不透

this song speaks the mystery of guys and girls in a r/s..

we'll always be left trying to understand wat each other wants but we'll never get it..

those who do, congrats! :)

2011-01-22T07:47:00.001+08:00

WHY?!

2011-01-16T23:52:00.002+08:00

ahh.. been so long since i hit the buttons here :x hehe.. life has been a big roller coaster for me recently.. yr 2010 ended peacefully for me thou. wanted to party but couldnt reali get into the mood =\ on the very last day of 2010 i decided to let go of someone which i held too tightly on. afterall.. it's pointless to hold on anymore isnt it? i admit i do still misses him.. but well.. the him that i miss was someone in the past alr. he's no longer mine and no longer give a damn about my life. it's actually amazing how someone can love one so much and thn changed in one nite. this is one thing i'll never understand i guess.. but also thanks to his heartlessness, i met my love.. yea i noe i kinda sound like a bitch who can let go of a old r/s and get into a new one so soon.. a new chapter begins unknowingly and it was indeed a big surprise for me. i admit this r/s is a "too-fast-too-furious" r/s.. me n baby onli known each other for about a week or so and there we are, walking down the path of being "us" :) for the first few days, i did doubt the whole r/s was a mistake. i did tink of "aiya just play along la". but now, i'm pretty sure that i truly love him. in fact, i was shock.. he made me ignore Mr J's call. baby took away memories of "him". baby amazingly made me willing to truly love unconditionally once again. but this 2 weeks of being tgt, was reali a terrible ride for me =\ waking up to see another girl msging him "dear and muacks". goin out to drink knowing that the entire nite i'm hearing his ex gf's name. knowing that he got drunk and spill "i made the wrong choice" to someone he fell for before me. i thot i was strong enough to handle the first 2. althou i was seriously struggling with myself.. but i just wanted to make this r/s work.. i told myself and even told baby that i would act blind and deaf and just tink that i'm his one and onli one =\ well.. i guess i reached my limit when the 3rd incident happened =\ i burst out last nite. i let out all my emotions and cried terribly. but i'm glad baby did not choose to run.. we talked about all issues and i'm very very touched and glad when baby showed me wat he sent to them stating that he made his choice on me. i stopped crying and thn continued with tears of joy.. it meant so damn much to me. i was actually prepared for a negative outcome the moment i chose to confront him =\ i was prepared to let him fly. to let him go.. but he turned my world ard with his response :) althou one of the girl is seriously making me very very pissed off. but i told myself i dun wan to hate ppl. i do not wan to allow myself to turn love into hate. i just wan our r/s to stay pure. i do not wan any regrets. i'm stil trying to control thou =\ i dun hate the other girls. truthfully.. they're great girls and very very nice ppl. just that bitch alone. got bf alr stil wan underground with someone attached. fking throw girls pride and face. grr! >< i just hope baby's stand would be firm and hope everything he did is not just "for show". i know it's gonna take sometime for me to trust baby again. and it's gonna take sometime for my ache to go away. but i'm willing to go through it. i do not wanna let go without even trying anymore. i wanna make this r/s last. infact i wanna make this r/s my very last. thou it's stil early to judge.. but it's reali been so long since i last felt this way and willing to love unconditionally again. baby's not perfect.. infact if were to compare, alot other guys are better. but it's just magical when love happens isnt it? :) in my eyes, he's good enough. lets hope he wont let me down :)

it's the first time i'm holding onto a r/s so tightly despite he betrayed me.
will true love overcome betrayal?
will true love touched one's heart?
does true love even exist?

watever it is, baby iloveu :) and a huge thank you for making me ur choice *loves*

2010-12-22T02:06:00.002+08:00

i need to get these off my head before i can seriously slp well.

Work

i dunno wanna say FML at work or wat.. i'm seriously underpaid and overworked.. i need more motivation to work! grr.. pls... give me more motivation? ><

Family

my mum never seem to believe watever i said until someone else tells her that i'm speaing the truth. why ar? i reali dun understand. and wat's best... she listens to her bf way more thn me. when i complained that she love her bf more thn me she scolded me.. but wat are her actions showing? laughs.

today is my dad's bday. i just sent a happy birthday and he replied a ty. is he disappointed or wat? lol. today is a day i dread most in my life. sigh. why cant i have a nice and warm family? :(

Friends

it seems i'm holding too tightly to this frenship i found. a forbidden frenship? hmm i dun reali noe lol. i wont blame my guy fren's gf for disliking me talk to their bf IF we're behaving too intimately.. but the fact is.. a "HEY!" also kena kp? wth? ._. not once alr.. this is happening quite frequently ard me nowadays. i've chose to gave up 2 frenship over this.. i wont hesitate to drop more frenship cos of this reason especially if the guy wei le this come and say me. a very epic example..

fren A : eh iko my gf using my acc dun pm me. i kena kp alr sia
me : i nv pm u? i onli in fam say "xxxxxx sia!"
fren A : aiya just dun talk to me there la
me : fine

nice reply uh? lol. it mean nth to me losing someone like u as a fren :)

Love

this is one topic i dun ever wanna tink about. but it just keeps repeating in my head times and times again to the extent that i'm so numb of it. everyday counting our monthsary.. wat's the point? LOL. everyday tinking "wat wil i be doing now if we're not where we are today". wat's the point again? LOL. why am i a cancer? why am i a emotional person? i dun wanna be. in my next life, i'll wanna be a taurus, aries or even capri. a much more "undreamy" horoscope. argh FML.

ok summary for this post? MY - LIFE - SUCKS.

nites

2010-10-17T14:25:00.001+08:00

独白:你知道吗?
没有你的日子我有多想你
关喆-想你的夜

分手那天我看着你走远

所有承诺化成了句点

独自守在空荡的房间

爱与痛在我心里纠缠

我们的爱走到了今天

是不是我太自私了一点

如果爱可以重来

我会为你放弃一切

想你的夜

多希望你能在我身边

不知道你心里还能否为我改变

想你的夜

求你让我再爱你一遍

让爱再回到原点

:(

2010-10-08T23:49:00.002+08:00

i wanna laugh the way i am born to laugh.. i wanna be the way i'm born to be.. i'm someone that cannot brings u happiness.. sorry.. but i need a true man who canprotect me from all odds.. i need a true man who can keep to his promises.. i need a true man.. to love me the way i needed..

2010-10-01T22:05:00.002+08:00

it seems that he'll never understand the feeling of waiting for someone's call or sms every single day.. keep checking my phone every few min for 24 hr a day and for everyday.. the feeling.. sucks. he's busy.. ok it's reali so hard to get 2 min of his time a day to sms me? dropping me a msg in the morning when he wakes, go work reach home.. is that hard? sigh.. when he's with his frens he dun even care about me too. not a single msg. not a single call.. i can sms him the whole day but get not a single reply. i dunno why isit that hard.. i'm the world to him? action speaks louder :) i reali went speechless after few days of waiting. all i get this few days are a 1min duration call to tell me he's goin out. and a nudge on msn when i was slping. tat's all. nt even a single thing else. so he always complain i dun care for him enough, dun spend much time with him and dun give him much attention.. is he taking revenge now on me? by doing all these back to me? oh well.. he succeeded. my heart sank to the lowest part of the world. speechless.. reali speechless.. i dunno wanna say that i'm angry or sad.. disappointed.. very disappointed.. i'm gonna bury myself in work thn since this is the case.. dun complain about r/s drifting apart thn.. i alone doing all the waiting wont keep a r/s tgt and wont help the r/s grow stronger.. i'm a girl that needs care and concerns too. a sms isnt that hard isit? sigh.. tml gonna work full shift to help out in stock taking at the same time earn more. not gonna wish for any weekend meetups or watsoever alr. tired.. very tired.. gd nite world.

i feel lonely..
very lonely..

2010-09-28T00:08:00.002+08:00

sigh.. i'm suddenly flooded with the thoughts of travelling again :( i wish to go japan or korea or even taiwan :( and i wish to spend a white christmas one fine yr. when can it come true? sigh.. i was looking at fares to japan and taiwan on jetstar. they aren't anywhere near cheap :( back and forth will cost bout 800 plus just the tickets alone. booking hotels wil be another bomb. i dun mind not shopping nor playing. i just wanna spend a white xmas.. sigh. when wil it actually come true? i guess i'll need at least 5k to go there if i'm gonna include playing and shopping. and of cos to bring my mum there if possible and of cos with bf. i need a good get away :( maybe i could plan for next yr's christmas ba. i noe i have to save for house n stuffs but i reali wanna have a white xmas :( how i wish i can win some lottery or lucky draw with tickets to these places :( tinking back on my days in korea reali made me sooooooooooo missing the place. i didnts play much but i'm seriously missing the atmosphere and the life pace there. it's so nice! the weather the ppl the everything! although communication seriously broke down D: i miss the bbq and the cooling weather at nite when i walk down the hotel to the 7-11. i miss the cheappppp tibits there! :x oh well.. i miss korea :( but i wan japan this time!! T.T when can my wish come true? i promise myself i will travel to japan at least once every yr when my financial and house settles down. i promise i wil give myself nice xmas and nice bday if everything goes well :D ok i'm self consoling T.T but oh well.. JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU!!!

2010-09-18T21:19:00.002+08:00

i'm beginning to look at the ppl ard me with a different view.

i honestly tink no one truly wants me to be happy. ppl ard me are all fking selfish. before i go into that. i wanna define my meaning of "truly want someone to be happy". by saying that, u should not try to change what the person likes, do, habits etc.. by saying that u wouldnt find things to quarrel with him/her no matter how big the issue is. adults dun quarrel. adults negotiate and talk things through. by saying that, you'd give everything, do everything to make the person smile. you'd love without conditions. you wont expect anything in return for what u've done.

but hell no. those whom i thought love me, wants the best for me.. are all not tinking that way at all. if they truly wants me to smile they'd keep their comments to themselves. they dunno by their casual comments it'll hurt me alot? i dun voice out doesnt mean i'm fine. i just dun wanna make things ugly. but selfish as they are they mentioned "why would i wan those i love be to happy when i'm not even happy?" oh wow. what a selfish line. do i even have to care so much for their feelings anymore? always keeping things to myself when i dun feel happy. to all my frens and my mum.. i dun like you all to comment on my r/s. i dun like u al to comment on my bf. i dun like u all to even comment on anything i like. wanna comment? can. a casual remark wil do to my ears. not in somewhere the whole world would see. i dun like to hear "i dun like him" because it hurts alot. he is what i chose and what i like. so why do u even have to comment if u like him ornt? he's not ur bf. he's mine.

i also dun like it when the one love of my life kept finding things to quarrel with me. he says i'm selfish i'm ignorant and i'm a failed gf. i admit i'm not perfect. but do u have to rub salt into my wound? is that the way of loving someone? if they're just harsh words, shouldnt an apology be done after things have cooled? i dunno.. but he sound as if he love me so much and i'm everything to him. but is it really true? if that's the case shouldnt he just wan me to smile every single day of my life? thn why pick things to quarrel? he agreed with loving unconditionally. but he's totally not doing that. if one truly love unconditionally, one wont find things to quarrel. because u wont even be able to find things to quarrel over. compromising is good. but i tink i've compromised too much. i'm no longer myself. where is the iko that's always on and happy? where's the bubbly me? where's the me that cares about all my frens and bf and family's feelings? i dun tink i'm selfish here. everytime keeping things to myself. unhappy also keep inside. to avoid quarrels i kept them in. i never dared to voice out cos i was afraid to lose anyone. nv dared to voice out cos i was afraid to hurt anyone. but now what i see is them all being selfish?

i dunno about what is true frenship, true love, true kinship anymore. i feel so lost now that everything happened just like that and i'm the one that get affected the most. losing a sister losing a bf. i noe this sister hasnt been very happy about any of my bf. none of them she liked. and none of them like her too. but i just wanted to keep things in place so i just accepted both side's words and kept them to myself. i dun wan any conflicts but ppl say 子是包不住火的.. indeed so true. this conflict reali shot out today. and indeed i'm the one that get hurt the most. if she truly wan me to be happy why'd she comment on all my bf so negatively? she dunno that it'll scare them away? seeing me breaking up reali make her happy? bringing me down with "there's no true love in this world" makes her happy? i dunno anymore if she reali care for me or just being selfishly trying to make me like her.

i tink i'm tired of accepting everyone for who they are and trying to make myself fit into everyone's life. i cannot do it. i'm not as strong as i thought. i guess it'll be best if i'm all alone. at least i dun have to face quarrels. at least i dun have to worry the roller coaster ride in my life. monotonous life is ok for me. i just wan peace. now who reali do care for me? no one :) i'm better off alone.

2010-09-12T19:25:00.003+08:00

it's reali funny sometimes. the moment my fb status changed to "single" all the flies comes flocking by. even old flames whom i use to love alot and rejected me alot came by. reali wondering wat humans are tinking sometimes. i dunno.. but when i see the way they're talking to me now reali makes me wanna laugh. i used to give up everything for him and got myself so down n broken over him. now he came back? wat does he wan? reali ironic. but one thing i'm sure. it's all in the past. i wont even take a glance at him. it's too late isnt it? lol~ trying to grab hold of me now that i'm single. i reali dun tink it'll work. it onli make me wanna laugh reali hard lol. and seeing those guys that can show me sooooooo much concerns i dunno wanna say a "thank u for ur concern" or "stop being so fake" lol. it's like~ there's always a motive. truly lost faith in guys alr. they can be so damn nice and treat u like their world in the beginning but after awhile things wil definitely change. beautiful things dun last :) anyway the guy that i mentioned. is currently a big joke in my life. seeing that he's trying alot of ways to get me. but i'm sry i no longer feel anything for u. u gave it up not me. u totally tarnished me and break me into pieces. now u wanna glue everything back? sry i cant do it :) gd frens we shall be and i hope i get the respect. another thing i'm rather confused over.. to change for someone for a beautiful future isit reali that hard? =\ i'm posting the question to myself too. hais. i detest my past and my lifestyle. when i truly get the ans, it might all be too late. oh well.. wat belongs to me wil belong to me one day :) i'm not all fine but i will be better. i no longer wanna feign a fake smile anymore. it's tiring. just let me be alone for awhile til i can smile again. i'm very touch to all my frens who truly cared. my brother being so bothered by my things even on his bday. truly thankful :) sms from my more thn 10 yr sister. reali appreciate. and not forgetting rena and gina for caring no matter wat happened. last and not least, my dearest mum who have been very worried since she got the news. but i'm proud to say i'm doin gd infront of her. even if i'm feigning.. i just wan her to be happy.

i honestly stil love u.
sigh

2010-08-22T04:21:00.003+08:00

Just wanna share a song and a movie with anyone souls here. i dun care even if there isnt cos i just wanna keep a record of this show which i believe is PERFECT :) it's simply too amazing how a movie can portray so well the bondings in life. fatherly love, motherly love, brotherly and sister love. and of cos.. the love between a master and her dog. the bond they share is incomparable. a dog is truly a man's best fren. they're the ones that accepts us fully for who we are. dogs dun care if we're rich or poor, they dun care if we're beautiful or ugly, as long as we give them our heart, they'd love us more thn we love them. it's amazing how these creatures are much more wonderful thn humans sometimes. i'm ashame to be a human after witnessing so many true dog stories. and this shows somehow reminded me of my poor dawa who was set free by my mum few yrs back =\ hais. in the show the little girl fought so hard to get back mari but i did not do anything when dawa was gone. i hate myself for not having the courage to fight for wat i wanted. hais. i hope he's doing well thou.. dawa i miss u :(

and here's the ending song for it. very nice :)

dun ever call a dog, a lowly creature for we humans are much worst thn them.

2010-08-11T16:37:00.002+08:00

have been feeling reali reali down ytd and today. was kinda thinking what on earth i've done to deserve this kind of life i'm having. no house, no money, no job, no life. why am i such a useless person living in this world wasting it's resources? sometimes i feel i'm much worst thn some beggers out there. at least they go out and beg for money. i dun even try to earn a living or make my life works. and he's totally not helping at all. throwing tantrums cos i neglect him and stuff. it's getting on my nerves actually. what do u expect me to do when i got totally NOTHING to do at home? of cos i find ways to entertain myself by anime-ing or gaming. and there i have a unhappy bf. i guess in the first place i shouldnt even have stayed over at his place. now he's so used to it he throws tantrums when we're seperated. he urges me to find a flat asap. but hello where can we get the money? i also noe find a flat i also wan to stay tgt. but reality is cruel! and wat's best, i'm been finding the flat for the past few days and he's not helping. i dun like this feeling at all. it feels back to those days when i'm desperate for a house and i'm all alone. i broke down once and nearly broke down twice. i thank god for making me stronger thn before thus saving myself from this very scary emotional blow. i reali am reaching my limit soon. i cannot stand someone throwing tantrums at me. i cannot stand having to take all these stress and load alone. it's F up! i'm giving up. i'm just goin to stop looking for a flat, stay at this single rm that we rented and just find a job and screw my life. life's been a fking bitch that reali reali makes me sick. had enough of all these. people gets spoilt, people gets all the luxury they have. i dun. but i'm not asking for them either. al i ask for it leniency in life so that i could fking survive. a place i call home. ppl i call families. that's just the simple life i wan. i dun see why it's so hard. argh FMLFMLFMLFMLFMLTTM!

2010-06-30T08:42:00.003+08:00

It's been awhile since i last post. alot of ups and downs have happened for the past 3 months since i was away from my blog. Apr 17th, i've found my love. someone whom made me felt so special. Everything goes smoothly, sweet, nice, simple.. work at MBS was nice too. very fascinating and very nice new frens. but May 20th, i officially lost my job as a dealer thanks to CRA. i got no idea why they fail me and appealing is STILL in progress. after that, it's a nice long rest for a month with bf. started looking for job like crazy cos think of my house rent, tink of mum, tink of my future with bf. and now, got a job and signing the agreement this friday at Tangs as a CS. Just had a tiff with bf over some issues. to him, i'm a irresponsible, selfish gamer gf who totally dun tink of his feelings at all. to me, i'm just being who i am. i was bored stiffen at home. audi acc got banned, started mapling and kinda get hook without knowing. and bf snapped. wanted to go get some rest now but brain is filled with rights and wrongs. trying to find out why things can turn like this so suddenly. he dun like to express himself, or rather, he dun reali noe how to express himself. and so do i. maybe even worst on my part. i'm not use to saying "ily" anymore. i'm not use to being all sweet and mushy anymore. wondering where have that part of me gone to. sigh. decided to shift home so as not to piss him further. a lesson i learnt from stanley in sec sch when he n his ex gf had a tiff. "separation might not be a bad thing in a r/s. being separated helps both to realise how much place they stand in each others' heart. if by being separated, and you doesnt miss that someone as much, it simply means u're not in love." his r/s was reconciled by a short separation. but anyway.. yup, i'm packing my stuffs now. kinda emo but oh well, i'm a 23 yr old adult that shud not waste time on being emo anymore :) just a short story to share...

Girl A : Why must there be quarrels in a r/s?

Girl B : Well, love in not the power of everything in this universe. Afterall, humans are selfish creatures. We come alone and leave alone. We live for ourselves and we die for ourselves.

Girl A : But isnt there a saying "love overcomes all"?

Girl B : sometimes it does. But most of the time it doesnt. in this cruel society we live in, with all the stress and this fast pace, we're not allowed to waste time on being all lovey dovey. And also, Love does not consist of only happiness and laughters. It consist a high percentage of anger and sadness as well.

Girl A : But.. why?! when you love someone, dont you just wan the person to smile and be the happiest person on earth? and when the someone is with you, arent u the happiest person as well?

Girl B : yup. but reality are stil reality. the world still spins no matter wat happen. humans comes with emotions and humans are very weak against stress. humans hates things which make them in the losing spot and thus, anger or sadness sets in. human tends to do things without using their tiny brain and regret in the end.

Girl A : But to me i still believe that true love overcomes all.

Girl B : True love only happens when both human totally accepted one another's way of living and handling things. It's very rare. in fact, i'd say it has extinct.

Girl A : Well, if you believe, it'll come to you one day :)

Girl B : I'm starting to stop believing..

which person is having the right definition of love? Girl A who is a die hard lover? or Girl B who stop believing in love? btw sry for the lousy story, this story was in my confuse mind. i dunno which is right now. i wan to trust and believe. but i was proven wrong. so wrong right in my face. talking about marriage without realising all this? it hurts.. thank god i did not jump right into it. i know i dun wanna lose him. but if being tgt makes him unhappy, i rather let go. i'm not good at expressing myself. which ended up confusing myself and having unnecessary ups and downs. oh well. nearly 3month.. our dreams, our future, are they crushed? hmm.. or there wasnt even "us" to begin with? lost~

it's torturous.
you think i like this life?
No i dun..
But u'd never understand.
you didnt even try..

2010-04-07T14:37:00.002+08:00

i tend to laugh at my own life alot. tinking back on how wonderful my life was when i was a kid. with a perfect family, backgrounds, financial status.. having everything i wanted.. a well brought up little girl.. within one night, everything turns to ashes.. am missing my very first and biggest dream of being a pianist when alvin shared with me a piece by Yiruma. the song's "Kiss the rain" it's reali reali nice.. it's heartwrenching tinking that my piano dreams went down the drain thanks to my parent's failed marriage. it pains me to see other's performing on the stage so wonderfully and yet i can onli be a audience. it hurts each time i watch a concert wonderfully performed in my face.. it hurts when i cannot be the one there. musical concerts always leaves me in tears. always i'm tinking.. if i were to continued my music lessons since thn til now.. i might be a very very different person. i might be a well tempered girl who's demure and much liked by everyone else. not this ah lian (whom everyone tinks i am). it's funny how and why everytime i act so damn positive yet i'm all about negativity. haha~ wat rights do i have to preach on ppl's life? it's easy to portray a happy image.. but it's definitely very and i mean VERY VERY lonely in the inside when no one truly understands. having to hide away all my negativity and live like any happy girl is not a easy job. but al i wan is ppl ard me to feel happy. i like it when ppl see me they smile. i wouldnt mind even if they teases me as long it brings a smile on them. thus i guess i've formed this habit of acting all so positive ba. well.. the world stil spins even when we're down.. nth i can do but to accept fate as they comes :) oh well.. God i need strength.. the strength to live with this smile everyday.. the strength to hide my loneliness and unhappiness which was stolen from me. i need u once again.. i'm on a low batt already.. :(

i wish to just cry my hearts out just like a little girl..
the pains.. the pasts.. the darkness..
where's my happiness that was stolen since young?
would u pls return to me? :(

2010-04-06T11:02:00.002+08:00

i took the courage and ended our less thn a month's r/s.. another chapter in my life has ended. it was a short but good chapter.. he's a nice guy.. it's just he's not wat i needed and wanted. had a chat with mummy and she's very oppose of our r/s.. she said this as her reason "of cos i wish u'll get someone who love me more thn i do. someone who dotes on u and pamper u.. give u the happiness which me n ur dad couldnt give." her tears dropped as she mentioned this.. it breaks my heart. she said i'm very 委屈.. of cos i do feel unhappy.. but i wont say he didnt give me any happiness at all.. perhaps time doesnt allow according to him. but oh well.. i guess every individual is different ba :) our ways of behaving, our ways of showing our love to someone.. there's no one at fault in this broken r/s.. it's plainly due to our characteristic that doesnt suit at all.. i'm thankful that he's nice enough to respect my decision. hopefully we could stil be good frens :) wishes him all the best in everything esp his roulette assesment.

well.. guess alot of u wil tink i'm so gonna cry die myself over this again rite? lol~ yea i did cry but at least i noe.. we're not meant to be and accepted the fact :) i'm griefing over the end of a r/s.. not over anything. i believe i did not lose him as a fren and that's the most impt isnt it :) dun worry all my darlings.. iko is definitely alot stronger now after all the storms i've been thru ^^ i kinda admire myself for the way i handle this r/s actually lol :x no matter wat.. i just wanna be the happy iko as always and be a strong girl for mummy :) work work work is at priority now! yay yay! 1 assesment cleared now 1 more major game to go! wish me luck peeps <3

thanks you, sorry..
and goodbye..

2010-04-04T09:55:00.003+08:00

am kinda in a lost situation now haha. just when i thot i've found someone who'd treat me like a lil princess.. everything turns out to be the opposite.. it's nearly 1 month and the issue is stil goin on.. him not giving me enough attention and the bochup attitude.. it's turning me very off.. most of our conversation are non-qualitied.. cant even spend a sweet honeymoon tgt.. tink bout it.. how long have i lost the "honeymoon" feeling? been years =.= the real last time that i felt love was i tink a yr ago? lol~ if this continues, i'll slowly forget bout the feeling of being love and loving someone ._. i dun blame him for not spending much time with me but at least be a little more sweet whenever we can be tgt? is it reali that hard to be sweet to ur own love one? i dun understand.. having no time is not a good reason for neglecting ur other half.. there are always other alternatives to make up for it.. i get nothing. and he expects me to be a strong girl who's independent.. yes i am independent but as a girl, i'd love to live in my fantasy at times.. wat wrong is it? ._. which girl on earth doesnt wish to be pampered and dote on by their own bf? which girl doesnt wan to be cared for and honeyed-words to? infact which GUY doesnt wan either? it's the same! humans yearn for love.. wat creates love? attentions, care, concerns, understandings, communications and alot more factors.. he tinks that small issues are not worth mentioning adn we shudnt be wasting time on them. but seriously.. small issues are the built up of the whole picture isnt it? a small piece of puzzle is impt to the entire art piece. be it major or minor.. it's all tgt impt. he just dun see the importance of maintaining a r/s.. told him once told him twice.. nth is being done and all he says is "i got no time!" wth =.= i'm not expecting him to spend more time physically with me.. just the emotional side. i'm not even filled to the bit emotionally. he uses words like "u're weird", "u're hard to please" and he claims that we shud talk over it and find a solution.. we did talk.. but any solutions? no! he cant get my points and he's not giving in any step. so how the hell are we gonna have effective communication? i dun get it at all.. alot of ppl is telling me no matter how tired u are, u'll be able to dig time for ur love ones. i'm sick til now and he didnt even show any concern.. even my frens are showing me much more concern than he do when he's the one i'm suppose to be closest to now. i dunno anymore how to continue this r.s.. i bet he dun even feel that there's a problem with our r/s from the beginning til i mention it lol. perhaps he alr treat this r/s like a marriage.. something that doesnt need so much maintainence and is 100% durable.. but sry.. my r/s needs alot of maintainence. i do not wish to feel like a married old cpl that's so dead when we're just dating. i wanna enjoy every part of our dating process the way every r/s shud be. he mentioned that i'm the weirdest gf he had.. likewise for me.. he's the weirdest bf i had too! no idea his way of loving is which method.. i totally dun feel it at all.. this reminds me of a sentence from the song 最近.. "你想要的我卻不能夠給你我全部，我能給的卻又不是你想要擁有的".. it's so like me n one of my ex bf Mr.M but i'm in his position ba lol~ oh well.. perhaps it'll be best if we remain as frens :) i'm always a good fren with libras and from the start i noe that libras are not good lovers for me lol. and now it's tested and proven to be oh-so-true..

p/s: ur insincerity have totally killed my feelings.. ur not trying to understand attitude have killed me totally..

2010-03-15T12:27:00.003+08:00

alrite a little update here since today's my wonderful off day and i'm waiting for my nails to be dried :) hmm tink i'll start with the good news first? tsk~ firstly, on the 10 march 2010, i've gotten myself a new audi cpl who'll appreciate my time and wont MIA from me ._. anyway i've also learnt not to take virtual world too seriously too :) but i have to admit i stil couldnt forget c4u =\ well no matter wat it's 2 bloody yrs! even longer thn my real life longest r/s ._. blah anyway it's over :)

another thing is on the very same day, i've found my new love, baby kiera *shy* to those who dunno, he's my fellow colleague at work whom i noe before the orientation hehe. it's amusing when both ur bf and u are dealers LOL! 80% of our topic is bout work, 10% is on movies and another 10% is on random stuffs ._. interesting r/s ehh? never like any of the ones i've experienced LOL~ well not as lovey dovey, not as overly sweet and passionate as any other r/s but stability is wat i'm looking at now :) i wan a long term stable bf not a short termed, passionate and suddenly gone bf.. of cos i hope he'll be the one :)

training have almost come to an end for blackjack and i'm starting on baccarat once my assesment which is this week ends =\ pls pray for me X( am very anxious over it =\ everythin's good at training and this is seriously the most fun job i ever had :D have alot of good frens and am enjoying every moment. but one thing ar, i tink i'm seriously falling sick soon x.x been having flu for past 2 days and sore throat for bout a week.. feeling very slpy and energy-less at work which i never ever had felt before ever since training start. felt very drained and i dunno why x.x

ok last but not least.. the bad news =\ i wished i dun have to mention this in my blog but oh well.. my dearest fren Annie from my sec sch, passed away on 11 march 2010. it was overly sudden for all of us to take it. she MIA-ed for 1 or 2 yrs and suddenly we got a call saying she's gone. it was due to bone cancer (i dunno the proper name for it) she had been having symptoms of it since sec sch. but all doc said nth was found out til 2009 when she was alr in stage 3 of bone cancer. i'm not very sure of the story but all i noe is.. Annie was one of my best friend in sec sch since sec 1. we were both in netball and went thru terrible trainings tgt. while chatting with shiqi and zhenyun bout our netball training 10yrs ago, it was heartwrenching when the flashbacks occurs :( it felt terrible looking at her photo and offering josssticks to our dearest fren. all of us haven met for quite awhile and yet we've gathered over this.. it reali sucks. tears filled our eyes and i believe all our hearts were broken. it's very very painful to see a fren gone. someone whom we've known for 10 yrs. when her mum told us how she behave during her last few days, it breaks our heart even further but we were not allowed to cry. her mum is VERY strong and in return she consoled us. lol~ i reali look up to her wonderful mum. very very strong woman. her mum's wish is that we'll celebrate Annie's bday on 27 may for her at mandai. so i guess we'll be there ba. i seriously dunno how to sing happy birthday happily that day =\ but i'll try my best. for my best fren for my frens. reali felt that we shud cherish every single soul that's ard us now be it ur frens, love ones, family or even enemies. it's all precious gifts from god. dun wait til it's too late..

p/s: i waited too long.. annie mentioned "meet up soon" bout few months ago and i didnt take it seriously.. draggin and draggin.. now this meet up wil never be fulfilled. regrets lingered in my heart.. always..

May the Blessings of God be with you and ur family..
In Loving Memory..
Annie Lim Pei Xian

2010-03-02T08:07:00.002+08:00

boo!it's been bout a week since my training at MBS started and i swear everythin is SO FUN!!! xD i'm in team 54 and my trainer's myla (idk how to spell) and ricky :D both very nice and i tink ricky cannot tahan my nonsense LOL he's slowly becoming as nonsensical as me :x til now we've learnt bout chips and a tiny bit on cards and i'm alr having terribly cramped hands :( my left pinky got a tiny blister thanks to riffling of cards and mid finger joints got blueblack on both side thanks to chips :( but time passes fasta nd it's fun working there :D today's my off day and wanted to sort some notes for everyone but ended up i couldnt compile much of it so gave up :x and i audi and dota whole day :x hehehe~ 1 whole week nv game fr 24hr today game le very shiok :x and i got my new cpl alr ;luv mr OGA aka tiko tsktsk~ hopefully this time wont have any hiccups ba ._. hmm wat else to update.. actually nth much recently just the training part ba. wil go into more details if i got more time :D goin dota now! wheee <3

2010-02-26T10:28:00.003+08:00

A song i'm damn in love with..

Teardrops on my Guitar - Taylor Swift

Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
What I want and I need
And everything that we should be

I'll bet she's beautiful
That girl he talks about
And she's got everything
That I have to live without

Drew talks to me
I laugh 'cause it's just so funny
I can't even see
Anyone when he's with me

He says he's so in love
He's finally got it right
I wonder if he knows
He's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

Drew walks by me
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be

She better hold him tight
Give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes
And know she's lucky 'cause

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

So I drive home alone
As I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight

'Cuz he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

He's the time taken up but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see..

And also this next song..

White Horse - Taylor Swift

Say you're sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
And I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on
And days drag on
Stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known

[Chorus]
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your White Horse, to come around.

Baby I was naive,
Got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
I had so many dreams
About you and me
Happy endings
Now I know

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one to sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

Here you are your knees
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm sooo sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappears now
Now its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late
To catch me now

i'm not your princess.
This aint a fairytale (:
Bid goodbye.

2010-02-22T04:15:00.003+08:00

it's funny how after a smoke i wanted to change the song on my win player and realise that it was the song Beautiful by CHC singers and i choose to hear it while hitting a few keys here :)

okeis anyways, am feeling a little bit on the down side today =\ but afterall i'm fine i guess.. was quite shocking to see him and i seriously dunno why my heartbeat stopped for at least 3 seconds when i saw him. i was totally frozen for 3secs and after that my heartbeat raced like mad =\ i swear i dunno why =\ kinda hmm i would say it's terrible feeling. for a moment i thot i was dying lol =\ anyway nice seeing him early in the morning :) went home at bout 11plus in the morning after tonning at XG ytd with qin ai de, max, fly and randy.

Qin ai de came over to my place to slp cos today's Andy's wedding chalet too so we planned to head straight there after a short rest at my place. but i guess things turned out kinda bad =\ Qin ai de found out some stuffs which were not supposed to be known. it wasnt any wrongdoings i swear but still i noe it'll hurt her. sigh~ i shudnt have that silly idea that time :( she told me she gotta head home cos some stuff happened and when she left she texted me thn i noe bout it. oh well.. at least we got it settled :) this is the first time ever, i was SO DAMN afriad of losing someone dear to me =\ tears gushed out when we were texting one another. it was a white lie but i guess if i were in her spot i will feel equally bad as well ba *i'm so sorry* i ever lost few dear ones in the past and it changed my life entirely. that time, i dun even have the chance to experience the feeling of Fear of losing. it happened all too fast. guess we were too young to even talk bout it back thn. but oh well.. this time i'm thankful that qin ai de could cool her head off and we managed to have a little chat and cleared the misunderstanding. i felt totally drained after that D: it's like.. after a big war? *terrible*

after that on the way to XG to meet the guys to head over to Andy's chalet, i suddenly had this thought.. "lotsa things are happening with XR now and all of us are cracking our brains and reali trying to help one another. but it didnt drained me at all.. but this incident with Qin ai de reali killed me totally.. i felt totally drained." I guess i reali cant lose any of my dear ones anymore =\ the incidents with XRs i see the unity within us, the loyal friends helping one another worrying for one another.. checking on one another everyday to make sure all is safe.. it reali touched me alot :) i'm thankful i'm part of them :) seriously alot of people might wanna bring XR down.. let me tell u ppl.. XRs are standing strong and wil never fall.. and do not judge us by stereotyping pls.. XRs are nice ppl loyal friends who'll never throw anyone to die. take time to understand us well and u'll realise it :) after reachin XG we cabbed down to changi for Andy's chalet.. well nothing much there.. just had dinner there and they gambled abit and that's all for the day :) Congrats to Andy and Caroline on their Big Day! *God's blessings befalls them for life!* ^^

after that just head home while the guys head to XG for few rounds of dota lol~ well was feeling kinda lonely which i dunno why either.. tsk =\ and this i also realised that loneliness isnt about whether you have company ornt.. it's all within the heart. You can have a BIG bunch of frens with u physically but when ur heart is empty, loneliness stil conquers over.. kinda scary but it's true :( when home, audi for awhile and chatted with Joel and Maine for quite abit haha. details shall not be mentioned =p it's a girl's gossip! so shhh~ tsk~ after that dota-ed for 2 rounds and 1st was with Haru korkor with public players :( my first game out and i'm so gg-ed x.x ok first game.. wat u expect >=( after that loost joined me n korkor for AI session =x i'd call it raping the AIs haha =x everytime i high-ing thn gg alr. sian ._. the disadvantage of being a DR ehh :( well that's how my day ended.. started badly, proceeded lonely and ended in peace. so i guess i'll rate it an average day? haha~

hmm a little update bout my emotional world now.. i'm in a very very confused state seriously =\ A are telling me these and B are telling another.. while C seems to be there for me everytime i'm down. grrr! i'm fighting against myself :( i wan to stop all these but i tink i failed.. read somewhere on someone's blog and happen to see this sentence that hit a little bit on my head.. it says "i'm just forcing myself to give up.. why should i make myself suffer?" i kinda think that to give up, is not a choice made by the head.. it can onli be a choice when you heart tells u that it had already given up. and we cant control our heart at all.. thus this is quite a bad news eh? :( for these past few weeks or a month? i've been forcing myself to give up so damn much.. being emo, being down, acting strong and as if nth ever happened. misses but dare not contact.. bought vday choc for him yet have no courage to give it to him. sigh~ i'm reali rottenly rotten :( it hurts u noe? to force ur heart to stop loving someone.. it reali do.. but thn.. to stop loving is another way of loving the person isnt it? hais~ matters of the heart is murdering me slowly day by day :(

anyway 2 more days to my job at MBS lets hope i could get so busy (but not stress) and have no time to even tink bout these ba =\ someone told me he might be jealous that's why he's acting strange too.. i duno? i reali dun~ watever it is.. i'm leaving it to fate ba :) as for now, i choose to wait for the miracle that might or might not happen :) no harm waiting? :) be it virtually or RL i'm waiting :) hoping everything could turn out fine :) but these days it seems we've been talking in RL alot more :) but of cos virtually and mobilly alot lesser :( but oh well.. nothing i can do yea? i'm glad we could stil be friends after watever that happened.

p/s: i need to sort out my feelings too. i totally dun understand wat is going on anymore. i'm lost reali reali lost :( i need a shoulder to lie on i need a hug to comfort me i need to cry my lungs out. i need to.. wat's going on in ur head my dear? wat exactly is going on? :(

i reali miss u alot. :(

2010-02-19T05:38:00.002+08:00

lol cant stand some ppl who cant face the facts. onli noe how to delete tags, delete everything that's against herself and frame everything on others. everything bad that happens to her is all XR's fault? omg~ assumption pig :D anyway she's just a kid by turning to her dad / police when things dun go her way :) cant get things done yourself? just a pampered rich kid. why not lock urself at home everyday since u cant even face the society? omg~ cant believe such ppl reali exist.. just wanna rant alittle bit :) one day suddenly die on the street also dunno why lol~

2010-02-18T02:45:00.000+08:00

see for yourself :)

2010-02-16T12:21:00.003+08:00

i'm proud to say i won max in a dota AI match! AHAHAHA!!!

i'm a happy girl today :) dun ask me why hehe~
thank you <3

-Post editted due to the dog cpl which barks like nobody's business when i mention nth here in my blog. tsk-

2010-02-15T18:31:00.003+08:00

Happy CNY and Valentines' =\

The weekends were kinda so-so for me. went to xg on sat after reunion dinner with mummy at gran's place. Reunion dinner was not bad.. uncle Eddie came over too so got to meet my couz Tasya. Am kinda shock how tall she is alr and i swear she n Travis are both ultra hyper kids x.x had dinner and chatted abit with uncle and aunties and gran. and went over to XG at bout 11plus. Jim, wt, wj, jon, pang, rick and bird were there. but i didnt play alot thou. me n qin ai de played abit and went over to meet hua to go hougang find joel. well didnt get to see her thou. guess she might be aslp. so the 3 of us went to chat at some voiddeck bout lotsa stuffs. kinda sucky to be the start of new year and vday =\ lotsa r/s problems haunting everyone. sigh~

and ytd i onli slept 3 hours and thn gotta wakey to head to gran's place for bai nian. my eyes are reali @.@ but oh well~ it's cny D: got into my pretty dress and i wore heels! tsk tsk! =x when at gran's place chatted with couz sarah and claryl alot. this is the very first time in my entire life i felt i have cousins LOL =x every yr i just kept shut and sat at one corner emo. this yr felt exceptionally good :D gerald was away in japan so couldnt see him this yr. royston left early too :( so onli the 3 of us and the rest of the younger ones. it felt good chatting with them so much. and clar's a sweetie to offer to make a japanese sandal for me :D anyway uncle willy say he wants to open a child care and ba principal so he rehearsed while taking care of the younger ones. so cute la! LOL! they were watching some disney thingy on laptop imagine 6kids of age 3 - 7 were trying to squeeze on 1 computer chair LOL. and when sarah went to off the com cos aunt eileen start to nag, their faces were all :( :( and more :( LOL! super super cute!

after that aunt eileen granted them more time to use the lappy so when we on again all of them chiong to the seats again OMG cute die! xD thn we skype with gerald abit and oh i chatted with issac! lol! my couz whom we never even said hi for 23 yrs of my life ._. he's working at Attica as a bartender omg~ and amazingly how many things we can actually chat on LOL! and granduncle kept asking when's my turn to get married x.x i just mention "hi unc did u see my bf standing ard here? no right? no bf how to get married?!" thn everyone say "aiya very fast one la" ._. and the marriage topic went non-stop x.x but oh well i guess this yrs a good CNY for me :D i finally felt the existence in the family~ tsk~ stayed ard til evening and head back home. was super super tired~

rion thn text me out for movie *not bad i got a date!* but ended up didnt go lol dun ask me why =\ and des texted too. also didnt go =x not bad luh at least i'm stil wanted in the market LOL =x but rejected all these dates and chose to went out with a fren of mine to chat over a cup of coffee and had mac for supper at tamp mall :) chatted bout lotsa random stuffs. from sec life to our uniform grp experience, to working exprience, to ghost stories ._. to matters of the heart. poor fren of mine, has a gf but yet couldnt spend vday tgt =\ he kept thank me for accompanying and chatting with him. tsk~ crazy~ wat are frens for man :) i needed a company too to just chat and not someone whom have other intentions on this special yet peaceful day :) never spent a vday as a single for years alr lol~ this yr.. kinda special ba :) but afterall it's all good :) didnt felt happy but didnt felt sad either. with the company of my fren, i didnt feel lonely too :) thank God for a wonderful and peaceful day :) wishes all loved ones be filled with happiness and blessings overflow! <3

Peace fills me on this exceptionally lonely day (:

2010-02-09T01:48:00.002+08:00

I've ended the 1yr 6month cpling r/s with him today. it hurts. it reali do. but i guess it'll be pointless since everytime he took it for granted that i'll wait for him and keep giving me empty promises. everytime ppl ask me "eh iko who's ur cpl ar never see before one." it felt like a knife stabbed into my heart. each time i see ppl LP, wedding, mega with nice grats for LP and stuff, my heart turned sour. does he noe? no~ alot of ppl envy my eggyolk ring but do they noe tat i on the other hand envy them for having low lvl rings but a wonderful cpl by their side? during LP, i have to find ppl to help me login and play. even the success of LP meant nth to me already. of cos, tinking back on the past.. how we met quarrelling like some big enemies, for a yr or so til we both MIA form one another's life, and met again on the morning of 4th sep 2008.. how i got "conned" to be his cpl, how angry i was and everyday gave him attitude and demanded him to say 101 things to make me smile and cheer me up. i remembered the day he propose, i told him no way. because i was actually his noob acc cpl.. and i said i onli wan to wedding with main acc. and immediately he broke up with ikki. i was quite shock actually. i never wedding before and that was my first. stil remember my shivering hands at yishun chambers while playing the wedding license. it was scarily scary! we manage to pass at first try (: things have been real sweet since thn. when i was feeling very down one day, he found a way to get acash and bought me a wonderful set of clothes just to cheer me up. btw he's in aussie so there's almost no way to get acash (: he reali was a wonderful cpl who once made me felt reali loved even we're just frens. he's the reason i'm so into audi. he's the reason i'm who i am today. when i was down, he was there for me. but.. i reali hate it when he break his promise over and over again. and each time just solve it with a "sorry" and get it over. it suck.. it reali suck to be having to wait for someone for months and months and he appeared and went missing again. it suck even more to noe that i'm just a spare tyre for him. sigh~ well.. things have ended now and i guess bringing up the past wont do anyone good (: so just to wish him happiness and blessings. and thanks for being a wonderful cpl (:

i chose it.
Gdbye.
Once My Love.
040908 - 080210

2010-02-03T22:04:00.002+08:00

my tears burnt my pillow once again. things have gotten out of hand i guess. i guess i've just created an illusion for me to fall into and now the illusion bubble have burst. time to wake up ba. am gonna force myself to accept the fact and pack up my feelings for my new life awaiting. i'm goin into my mourning period for awhile now. maybe the best way is stil the old way. i need to forget my life for a little while (: it's clear how things wil end. maybe i deserve better. maybe i dun deserve him. which ever the way is. this is it (:

p/s: thanks for everything up til now. u've been sweet. thou things have change and u've change. i've awaken too (: this is wat u wan isnt it? i'll make it happen (:

i'll force myself.

2010-01-29T07:57:00.001+08:00

Nuff said (:

感情最忌讳的就是认真，一旦有人认真了，游戏也结束了 (:

simply done (:

2010-01-28T03:46:00.003+08:00

Am having a little mind breaking moment with myself now :\ what does the kiss means? what does the actions means? all kiss have a meaning dun they? it's either "iloveyou" or "lets get it started" and the later meant no good here :\ but what is it when it's neither of them? *sigh* it feels good hugging u. it feels good to be able to throw my tantrums in ur arms. it feels good to fall asleep in ur arms. it feels good to have u stroking my head when i cant slp. it feels good to wake up seeing ur slping face rite infront of me. the urge to ask u just wat exact wat position are we in now was so strong but just couldnt force it out of my mouth. i felt happy having u with me. but it was extremely cold and painful after u left without a nice goodbye. and following ur cold smses sucks. had alot of different comments thrown to me regarding u.. some were encouraging while most were disheartening :( the urge to let go and walk away was so strong once again. this dun feel good.. reali :\ wanted to have a nice chat with u but couldnt.. u came online and went offline without saying a thing. guess u were tired. guess God's telling me to hold back my words and tink thoroughly before i speak. oh well. my heart's in a big mess. i'm breaking down :(

help :(
it's been awhile since i last cried over this.

2010-01-26T23:16:00.002+08:00

good news! MBS aka IR finally called me! and i'll be goin for a briefing and dunno wat fingerprint censor thingy and photo taking on the 11th of feb and my training starts on 23rd feb xD i cant wait! omg! have been waiting for this day for like 5 months? LOL~ it's gonna be a tough path but i guess it'll be exciting as well xD lotsa new things to learn for me especially :D and lotsa new friends to make! wheee! but kinda sad i cant train with silver and lost :( their training starts on 22nd and they're the first batch.. mine i guess cos they called me too late so have to go with the 2nd batch which starts 1 day later thn them :( i just hope we can be in the same shift thou :D at least i have some smking kakis and i wont feel too tensed =x quite scary to tink of it.. how damn busy i'll be when it starts.. how damn little time i have for my leisure and my games D: meow meow~ let's just hope everything wil be smooth for the next 9 month at least ba :D recently had been quite draining for me lol~ had been tonning at XG for the past i dunno how many days D: it was nice hanging out with frens, having laughter everyday of my life.. at least i noe.. i'm not alone :) and when ytd i'm finally stuck home, walao so lonely X( but i guess it's just parts n parcels of life? tsk~ anyways have started learning dota again LOL!! =x so blur :( had been into a few games recently lol~ when u hang out at lan too much with nth to do, i guess u'll end up trying all sorts of games lol~ well fun :) okies am gonna play a few rd of dota alr (dun expect much it's just me against AI and it's EASY somemore) roar~ gdnites and gdbyes~!

muacks

2010-01-18T02:27:00.002+08:00

hmm just got inspiration to hit somethin on my blog and sry to my none-chinese friends cos my chinese suddenly wished to be flaunt LOL =x wrote something like that in english last june for another guy so guess this time could try it in chinese hehe =x here it goes (:

想愛卻不敢愛的感覺。。有人知道嗎？身邊的朋友都覺得我們是不同世界的人。。不論是外表或性格，我們都不屬于同個世界。。年齡的差距也令人想笑。。他們問為什么我會喜歡上你，我卻回答不了口。或許是你剛好進入了我寂寞的世界吧。。你那溫柔的聲音，溫柔的關心，搖動了我不想移動的心。你讓我覺得很特別。。但我也會跟自己說或許你只是單純的以對一個朋友的好在對待我吧。當從朋友口中聽到你沒有喜歡我時，心里不知為何會有一股酸酸刺刺的感覺。。沒有你的消息時，我會感到很寂寞。看見你的名字浮現在手機銀幕上時，嘴角會不自覺的往上揚。這。。是喜歡上一個人的感覺嗎？我自己也不清楚了。真的很不想承認自己已經喜歡上你，卻又把止不住。之前你說了一個很普通的“sorry”，雖然只是很普通的一個字，但它卻讓我感到好寂寞。。為了不想再聽到那寂寞的“sorry”，我好想放棄。。過了幾天再次遇見你，好想永遠把你留在我的視線里。。永遠也不讓你離開。雖然只是一下子的有你陪伴，但我想這已足夠了。謝謝你。。我這個又傻又單純的好朋友 (:

好想好想你。。
-薇

2010-01-15T19:18:00.002+08:00

Few things to update abit bout my boring life ~.~ anyways i'm back to working at speed and today's my LAST DAY!!! woohoo~! kelvin's leaving so there isnt any need for me to stay on either so might be hopping to raining soon :D on wed had abit too much of drinks and got involve in a mini "fight" with that damn bar tender from beerbelly.. got a little push from him and now i'm with my big blue black on my knee.. damn guys who lays a finger on girls >=( anyways, realised that CNY is getting near and damn it falls on v.day ~.~ but oh well since i'm spending a single v.day this yr so it doesnt matter which day it falls on haha :3 haven gotten any idea on wat clothes to get this yr and basically.. i'm not in the mood for CNY =\ i dunno why either meow~ has been missing on catching up with frens recently thanks to my lifeless job.. spending most of my time at work if not home and sometimes at XG bedok.. kinda wasting my life away again X( MBS.. when are u guys calling me :(:(:( i wanna work a proper job and get my life goin! grrr~ oh well.. no idea wat else to hit on my keys here alr.. pray for my last day tonite at speed *amen*

2009-12-14T22:01:00.002+08:00

i need a space to rent so here i am again.. i'm seriously seriously beginning to hate my mum alot.. i hate it when she have to check my wallet sercretly every morning.. and if there's more thn 50dollars, she'll take the 50 and leave the rest for me to survive.. so i always have to survive with like 10bucks a week? nice mother i have? HA~ and now she noe that i'm working in pub, she expect me to work EVERY SINGLE DAY so i can earn more money and GIVE THE FKING MONEY TO HER.. wtf???? i got 100 buck in my wallet ytd and she took 70 of it.. wtf?! i'm so fking piss i dun wan to go work anymore.. i rather stay home play my game rot to death and have no money thn to work my life off and let her suck all my money away.. damn it.. she took the money not for anything emergency or wat.. she took it for fking MAHJONG! how the fk can i not be pissed?! and just now she ask me to give her another 50 i immediately rejected and say "i no money u wan u go take back from ur frens" she herself no money to spend already still keep lend ppl money.. trying to act hero?! LAUGH MY ASS OFF! and when i reject her she stil talk like some cbk saying "wah now someone talk got WIND already hor?" wtf?! fine i dun talk lor i dun work lor.. rot to death lor. pcb tink already damn pissed off how the fk i have this kind of mum!? fk my life!

2009-12-12T21:06:00.002+08:00

A little update of what i've been up to recently.. Have been working in a pub Speed Legend in BoatQuay for the past 3 days and seriously i'm drained~ totally dried x.x haven been drinking for 2months and suddenly straight drink 4 days in a row is no joke :( but anyway i'm hopping over to raining bar soon hehe~ aka the famous colour zone :D yup the place where i grew up LOL~ anyways another glorious thing is i've won the Expert competition in Arena (audition) on 7th dec! dun blame me for being haolian i know i am and I WAN TO BE HAOLIAN! LOL =x waited for 4 bloody years and i finally got my first medal! xD si AfiinityIvy keep say he got 3 liao ;eeks ma de HLHLHLHL! roar! i wil get more de! trust me! anyway just LP to freesia and thanks to Jim aka -Sparks- hehe~ we cleared it easily unlike the last time i played =\ mo qi mo qi ;hoho~ anywaya am gonna tag hard to LP on xmas again :D jyjy!

2009-11-08T01:34:00.004+08:00

ahh had some very nostalgic feelings in my heart so thot of writing them down here (: just went to meet up with Mr A (one of my ex if those who knows - the guy that made me felt so love).. wanna noe why i'm so crazily in love with him? he's the very first guy that made me felt so xiao nu ren and wanting to be protected by him.. he's the first guy that made me felt so secured in my entire life :) anyways.. he happened to be in my area so we just kinda catch up with one another.. lots n lots of thots went through my mind while i was with him.. one of the strongest feelings were.. "it's amazing how i can face someone which used to cause me such HUGE pain in my heart long ago.." he didnt hurt me so dun get the wrong idea.. he's just someone that i used to love sooooooo damn much that i can nearly throw away my life for lol =x someone that i think is the one that i love the most in my entire life (: well it's been more thn a yr since we broke up and it feels good meeting up again (: a whole new status as a friend feels good too :D he's someone that taught me alot about life and guided me so much.. when i went down, the first thing he say is "next time if ppl ask where u stay, just say near ave 7" this is just so him! lol~ i remember when i just shifted to woodlands, he used to bring me around and teach me how to go to yishun via mandai and stuffs liddat lol~ always a lecturer in my life :) we didnt go to anywhere specific, just driving around my area, chatting bout cars, his stereo system, his life, my life.. from the conversation i reali can feel.. Humans really do change.. we humans just wants to upgrade our life so badly dun we? i remember how he used to tell me bout his car.. how satisfying he was with it.. and now it's a whole new thing lol~ but still i feel comfortable just being around him.. oh well that's wat attracted me to him last time haha.. am glad that didnt change thou.. stil the Mr nice to chat guy :) we stop by at some ulu ulu place at changi and chatted there.. it indeed was a nice and relaxing chat which for a moment shuts all troubles outta my life.. and after awhile we just head home straight.. he called to chat while he's on his way home.. this brought back memories too man :) in the past that's wat he do also, after dropping me, call n chat til he's home.. haha~ and we talked bout our past and also my past 2 bf after him haha~ he mention that i'd hate my last bf alot due to him bastarding me.. but i said nope.. not at all.. i just take it that it's another part of my life my memories.. well no matter wat.. 2 person being able to be tgt is already a blessing isnt it? and the break up is due to both parties arent able to suit into one another's life so i guess break ups might not be that bad either :) he say i'm a very forgiving girl.. lol~ *blush* i just felt that hating someone is very tiring and i dun wan to hate :) i dun deny i did hate my last ex when we first broke up.. but after that i felt that hate is way too tiring.. i rather let love as a fren heal me thn to fill myself with hatred isnt that alot better? :) well felt good i could go outta my house for awhile just to chat with an old lover friend of mine :) am glad everything's goin fine for him too.. hope that everything will goes well for me soon too ^^

p/s: this part has nothing to do with today but i just had a beautiful nightmare last nite =\ oh well hope for the better :)

nostalgic feelings..
i do miss u as a fren too :)

2009-11-04T03:47:00.001+08:00

MAD WOMAN IKO =\

it's crazy! i dunno wth i've become.. someone that dun wan to sleep even when i'm F-king tired.. waiting everyday starring at my laptop for wthello i also dunno.. starring to see is he's online ornt.. starring to see if he's home.. waiting for my damn phone to ring hoping it will be him.. gahhhhh! wat is so wrong?! >=( i cannot let myself get so crazy over him! slap me awake pls thanks.

2009-10-31T05:16:00.003+08:00

one thing i dun like about alcohol is it makes me think alot alot alot more thn wat i should think of =\ sigh~ just heard some stuffs and i swear i dun feel good at all :( but anyway from the very beginning i noe i shouldnt even fall into this thing.. i noe perfectly well this is NOT right.. so i should be prepared for anything that comes after that.. well.. ya i'm prepared i guess =\ but does it have to be THIS painful? :( perhaps it's good to be directly straight in my face right deep into my heart thn i'll let go faster? oh well.. succeeded thn =\ sigh~ all the waits.. all the i-dun-dare-to-sleep nights.. all the i-miss-you nights.. all the hanging on yet holding back nights.. guess i have to put it to an end before i reali becomes a zombie.. guess i have to lock myself up again to wake my bloody self up again.. i'm stupid am i? ha~ oh well.. life goes on :) dun ask me if u're confuse reading this because i myself am flooded with too much thots and am sprouting rubbish here i guess.. oh well.. gd nite..

enough tears shed..
enough confused thots..
enough of me being a idiot..
jiayou :)

2009-10-07T02:14:00.002+08:00

omg la.. recently i tink i'm having emotional break downs T.T came across this video in facebook.. it's about relationship as well.. but not BGR.. it's more of a relationship between a dad and a daughter.. i hated my dad.. and i believe it takes a miracle for me to forgive him.. but i teared so badly when i heard this song and watch the vid.. sigh~ i too wish my dad could be the one who pass me to my husband in the future.. sigh~ i miss those days when i still have a perfect home :( oh well.. here's the vid and lyrics..

Daddy, You can let go now - Crystal shawanda

Wind blowing on my face
Sidewalk flying beneath my bike
A five year olds first taste
Of what freedom's really like
He was running right beside me
His hand holding on the seat
I took a deep breath and hollered
As I headed for the street

"You can let go now daddy
You can let go
Oh I think I'm ready to do this on my own
It's still a little bit scary
But I want you to know
I'll be okay now daddy
You can let go"

I was standing at the altar
Between the two loves of my life
To one I've been a daughter
To one I soon would be a wife
When the preacher asked
"Who gives this woman?"
Daddy's eyes filled up with tears
He kept holding tightly to my arm
'Til I whispered in his ear:

"You can let go now daddy
You can let go
Oh I think I'm ready to do this on my own
It's still feels a little bit scary
But I want you to know
I'll be okay now daddy
You can let go"

It was killing me
To see the strongest man I ever knew
Wasting away to nothing in that hospital room
"You know he's only hanging on for you"
That's what the night nurse said
My voice and heart were breaking
As I crawled up in his bed and said:

You can let go now daddy
You can let go
Your little girl is ready to do this on my own
Its gonna be a little bit scary
But I want you to know
I'll be okay now daddy
You can let go
You can let go

i wish to forgive..

2009-10-06T01:58:00.002+08:00

got this wonderful link on facebook.. it's a song i wanna share here.. truly touched my heart and cried like nobody's business T.T guess this is a true story.. the story's below, i'll translate it in english too :) too wonderful T.T

Lyrics - 最后一次 (Last time) the "last" here means final.. not the past ok

在我最后一次闭上眼睛之前
Before i close my eyes for the last time
我想对你说我爱你
I wish to tell you I love you
在你怀里舍不得放弃
In your arms, cant bear to give up
心里有千万语还没说给你听
Millions of words in my heart, unsaid to you
我使尽全力不想闭上眼睛
I use all my strength, doesnt wish to close my eyes
这次告别就不能再相遇
After this goodbye, never will we meet again
不能再陪你但不要忘记
I cant be with you any longer, but do not forget
你曾经答应我你会好好活下去
You promised you'll continue leading your life..

先走了去了好远的地方
I'd leave first, to a faraway place
不能再陪你看日出等不到天亮
No longer can i watch the sunrise with you, cant wait for daybreak
所有回忆抹去却并不容易
All the memories, erased, but it's not easy
生死由天决定不要太伤心
Life and death are destined, don't be too sad
在我最后一次闭上眼睛之前
Before i close my eyes for the last time
我想对你说我爱你
I wish to tell you I love you
在你怀里舍不得放弃
In your arms, cant bear to give up
心里有千万语还没说给你听
Millions of words in my heart, unsaid to you
我使尽全力不想闭上眼睛
I use all my strength, doesnt wish to close my eyes
这次告别就不能再相遇
After this goodbye, never will we meet again
不能再陪你但不要忘记
I cant be with you any longer, but do not forget
你曾经答应我你会好好活下去
You promised you'll continue leading your life..

在我最后一次闭上眼睛之前
Before i close my eyes for the last time
我想对你说我爱你
I wish to tell you I love you
在你怀里舍不得放弃
In your arms, cant bear to give up
心里有千万语还没说给你听
Millions of words in my heart, unsaid to you
我使尽全力不想闭上眼睛
I use all my strength, doesnt wish to close my eyes
这次告别就不能再相遇
After this goodbye, never will we meet again
不能再陪你但不要忘记
I cant be with you any longer, but do not forget
你曾经答应我你会好好活下去
You promised you'll continue leading your life..
我永远爱你。
I'd love you forever..

关于【lavigne 最后一次】背后故事 The Story Behind this song~

有一对感情非常好的小情侣
双方家长都非常满意对方
准备大学毕业就结婚

正当高三开学不久
学校体检
检查出那个女孩的血蛋白有异常
之后去医院检查
查出她患了一种非常罕见的隐形皮肤遗传病
这种病越严重皮肤就越嫰

就像宝宝皮肤一样
最后会因为皮肤太嫰
承受不了肌肉和血管的内压而撑裂

虽然不能医治
但那个男孩和双方家长
都要求那个女孩住院
就算不能医治也要尽量活长一点

当医生确定女孩还有不到一年的生命的时候
那个女孩好像抛开所有的恐惧似的
不再把自己关在病房里不见人
而是天天都和那个男孩和家人出去散散步看看日出日落
也就在那时她开始写日记
努力的记录已成过去的日子与所剩无几的时间

当那个女孩再写到某一次和那个男出去的时候
女孩才发觉
笔下的文字
绝大多都是她和那个男孩一起经历的事
那个男孩已经成为自己不可缺少的一部分
于是那个女孩决定留下一份礼物给那个男孩
荆莿鸟的绝唱

若干星期过去
曲作好词填好
就找朋友帮忙语录歌
已经病入膏盲的女孩
喉咙的皮肤用大力一点就会出血
但都坚持要自己唱

当U盘出来之后
那个女孩竟然要求安乐死
还说一开始就打算这么做
而且和那个男孩说要陪着她到她睡着
还说要在临睡前对那个男孩说一句话
手术关灯熄灭之后
那个男孩出来
那个女孩的妈妈把U盘给了那个男孩
那个男孩听完之后
和他妈妈说
女孩最后对他说的是：
在也不要看日出了

不过我不怕
因为是你陪着我睡着......
我爱你

因为那个女孩最喜欢就是看日出了
所以那个男孩决定要走遍可以到的地方
将每一个地方的日出都送给那个女孩

2008年年头
那个男孩在一次上山的照日出的时候
失足堕山
被人发现的时候尸体已经腐烂不堪
然而相片里面
朝阳的霞红依然充满温馨

有人说是
当时这个女生得了重病
这首歌是要给她男朋友

也有人说是
这首歌是讲述那女孩子被抛弃
在自杀前写的一首歌

也有人说是
那女生得了癌症
因为她的男友喜欢听歌和创作
在他走之前想写下一首歌
让他男友留念

也有人说是
他和他的男友很相爱
可是不幸男的生了重病
然后那位女的变写了这首歌给他
过后写了之后男的去世了
女的也跟着自杀

不过唯一能肯定的是
那女孩真的去世了

There's a very loving couple, whose both parents are very satisfied with one another, they're preparing to get married after graduating from university.

During the body check up in their 3rd year of studying, they found out that there's the girl had unusal amount of protein in her blood. She than went to the hospital for a check up and she was found suffering from a rare genetic disease - stealth skin. Her skin will slowly become very tender as the severity of the disease got worst.

It'll be just like a baby's skin, but in the end it'll be too tender to be able to support the muscles and pressure of the blood vessels.

Thou it could not be cured, the boy and the families of both, wanted the girl to stay in the hospital to prolong her life.

When the doctor confirmed that the girl had only about 1year's lifespan left, the girl seem to throw all her fears away and stop locking herself up in the room. She spent every single day with the boy and the families, out for walk, looking at sun rise and sunsets. She started writing diary to record everyday she had that will eventually pass, every single moment.

Just when she was penning down one of the times when she went out with the guy, she realised that under that pen, mostly was about she and him. She realised the guy had already became a part of her, a part that she couldn't live without. So she decided to leave a gift for him - this song.

Few weeks passed, the melody and lyrics are all done. So she got her friends to help with the recording. At this point she was already very ill, to the extent whereby the skin on her throat will bleed everytime she uses too much strength on her throat. But she still insist to sing this song all by herself.

When the song was done, the girl requested to be put to sleep. She even said she had this in mind since the beginning. She too told the guy that she wants him to be with her til she falls asleep and she had something to say to the guy before she sleep.

After the lights of the surgery went off, the guy left the room. The mother of the girl passes the song to him and after hearing it, he told her mum that she said "Don't ever see the sunrise again. But i'm not afraid, because u're with me when i go to sleep.. i love you"

Because the girl loves to see sunrise, so the guy decided that he will go to everywhere he can to gift sunrise to her.

In the beginning of 2008, The guy died as he fell while goin up a mountain to take pictures of the sunrise. When he was discovered, his body had already decomposed. But in the picture that he took, still contains the warmth of the red sun.

There are many different stories regarding this song. but the only thing that can be confirmed is that the writer of this song, is dead.. and she died when she was 17..

2009-10-04T19:23:00.002+08:00

LOL was dead boring here at work so was doin some of the quiz on fb and LOL this 2 made me smile =x pictures are edited to cover the mr someone =p

both also 88% but both are different application :D

2009-10-04T15:34:00.000+08:00

attended jie's ROM at mono ytd awwwwwwww so sweet la~ XD i wanna get married! LOL =x it's my first time witnessing a ROM and it's a reali special one at mono ok! lol~ ppl goes ard asking one another "when ur turn?" and nabeis~ it's a insult to ask me when i'm not even attach can T.T saw a few old frens and omg all reali old liao x.x when i noe this bunch i was 18? lol~ wonder who's next for it lol~ ytd was a crazy nite at st james x.x rena n frens were at fly, jie and bunch also at fly but another table, haru they all at boiler, sii at powerhouse lol~ running ge tai~ xD didnt get drunk but ultra high.. ended up ran up to mono to hide with zenn they all lol =x am super super tired now~ bored at work so came to write nonsense here hehe~ after the ROM makes me wanna fall in love again~ lol! =x but i noe the timing's not right ba.. everyone's attach!! T.T me and angela are complainin bout being in the singles' club lol~! nvm i shall hold the status of the president in the club thn ~.~ ok blog again when i'm bored~

rahh~ i'm soooooooooo missing him now :S

2009-10-02T16:15:00.002+08:00

i did a test on facebook and i seriously tink this is freaky it's almost 100% hit the bull's eye LOL~ except a few thou..

Dear Ryuiko Michya, The answers given to the questions have been shown to have a relevance to values and ideals that we hold in our personal lives. The analysis follows:

You are walking in the woods with Mr C. Mr C is the most important person in your life.
(i doubt he is the most important =.= it's just at the moment he is)

You see a rabbit. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems.
(LOL! i always dun see the urgent-ness of problems do i? =x i totally agree with this la!)

You stroke it´s head. with the animal? The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems. (passively/aggressively)
(does this means i'm on the passive side? i'm gentle afterall aint i? muehehehe)

You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your Dream House. It is a mid size cottage. The size of your dream house is representative of the size of your ambition to resolve your problems.
(i'm not a greedy person ^^ but of cos i'd wanna lead a average life or slightly above average la)

Is your dream house surrounded by a fence? You answered no. No fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You´d prefer people not to drop by unannounced.
(this is just so true~ who disagree?! come talk to me *i'll bite*)

You enter the house. You walk to the dining area and see the dining table. Chairs and flowers on table are on and around the table. If your answer did not include food, people, or flowers, then you are generally unhappy.
(so means im generally happy? since i got flowers?)

You exit the house through the back door. Lying in the grass is a cup. The cup is made of glass. . The durability of the material with which the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship with Mr C. For example, styrafoam, plastic, and paper are all disposable, styrofoam, paper and glass are not durable, and metal and plastic are durable.
(ERMMMMM~ not durable? LOL ok so it's best not to step in it ehh?)

You pick it up. Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude towards Mr C.
(i pick him up?! wth?!)

fun! LOL~~~ if u wanna noe who's Mr C, ask me personally =p NOT everyone will get the answer thou lalala~

2009-09-22T01:46:00.046+08:00

HELLO SINGAPORE!
wheeeeeee~ i'm back from my very first holiday trip without my family :D and this is the furthest i've ever been away from home~ let the pictures do the talking :D

ok this is just the plane's wing lol =x

and here we are! Korea's Incheon airport xD

You'll see this when you sit on the toilet bowl LOL

Incheon airport!

Their "7-11" :D

They reali sell things on the plane lol~

Sheraton Walkerhill~ this is where i spent my last 3nites at :D

Stylish room ehh? according to Coyl lol~

And this is my Vain spot =x this is defintiely before i put my "tools" on the tables LOL

HDB in korea! xD

Not much diff from singapore isnt it? but i swear the weather's best *love*

Their Subway station (MRT station)

Here comes the train xD

HAHAHA! FD4 in Korean LOL looks cute!

I never thot i'd ever be sitting on a subway in korea!

I truly salute to the koreans who can remember all the train routes x.x i get dizzy just by looking at it~

i've been seeing this bridge for almost everyday but i still dunno it's name lol~

it's pronounce as CHAM-SIL not JAM-SIL~

This pic is taken from a gallery whereby they feature all the famous artistes in Korea like TVXQ, Shinhwa, Rain etc etc~ and there's this interesting name LOL IKKO! HAHAHHAA! *shy*

one of the performance at Lotte world

i'm in dreamland

pardon me for the dark pictures as my camera flash isnt reali good and pardon me for blurred pics as my camera's focus also reali isnt TAT good ._.

me and stupid desmond

ok from here on, are very lousy quality pics~ i swear i wil get a camera if i travel next time :( but anyways these pics are taken on a ride which tells us the story of Sinbad~

ROARRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Lotte world :D

Hot-Air ballon rides!

nice view ehh? :D

My dream dream land! omg!! castle!!!

Pretty!!!!!!

This is wat i call DREAM-LAND!

camwhoring lol =x anyway this is NOT my shades =.= we're waiting to watch 4D show so that explains the classic shades ._.

i wanna ride this with my prince charming one day!!!! =x

the two trademarks of lotte world :D

Pupas of butterflies~

noisy cricket :D

disguting swimming crokroach ._.

walao~! not even a single english!

This is a hightech device! we were eating in a fastfood restaurant and this device will vibrate and beeps just like a phone/pager when your food is ready and thn u can collect it form the counter :D

nice streets! love these neon lighted streets **loves**

Prints on the roads lol~ i dun understand thou x.x

BBQ IS LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

sinful me! but YUMMY! xD

Korea's Bugis street xD

initially thot this is biscuit or some cracker and when i ate it, OMG it's sugar =.= it's darn sweet la!!!! and fattening T.T

ricecakes with super kawaii design! cant bear to eat it la x.x

sorry act cute =x

cheesecake =.= taste more like sponge cake

HIGH SI WO! w-inds. latest MV! my eyes got stuck on the tv =x

God, forgive me for making ur temple look like a haunted mansion T.T i promise i wil get a better camera next time ok? :(

By the road~~~ (like idiot la!)

press the button for service~ another high tech device ._.

a basket filled with potatoes~ SINFUL LA!!

i love korea cos squids are EVERYWHERE! XD grilled, dried, fried, BBq etc you name it they have it~ waalaa~

8 pieces of drumstick~ it's DRUMSTICK not DRUMLET~ for 2 of us only -______- and i ate 3 while that lousy desmond ate 1!!! dammit

this amount of food for just 2 person ._.

SQUID! **LOVES**

camwhore again =x

roadside stalls are sooooooooooo wonderful in foreign lands! and this beef hotdogs are SUPER SPICY LA! X.X

Yongin Everland! we had a hard time finding our way here =.= cab drivers for some unknown reason doesnt wanna come here x.x and lucky we took bus no. 5800 and YES! we're here! so anyone intending to go korea, remember~ to get to Yongin everland, take bus no.5800 or 1113 (without any other number at the back) from gangbyeon station ok :D

等到“生菇” (Hokkien) - wait til grow mushroom

tiny scorpions lol!

disgusting~

tuxedo yandao~ *they're soooooooo cute*

"i like to move it move it~"

awww~ so sweet **kiss kiss**

I'm a Big bad wolf! ahwooooooo! ehh sorry it's Fox =x

dumb croc i tink he got frozen~ he stayed at this position for donkey hours x.x

nice pose dude.. you're VERY flexible~

these birds are let loose n the room, and i went crazy x.x

this is wat i call B-E-A-U-T-Y

i doubt you can see wat's this~ but it's alot of butterflies flying ard :D

lion cubs are sooooooooo adorable i just wanna have one :(

donkey desmond! =x

peeping owl! caught on camera! LOLOLOL

yandao bo? :D

very very glutton monkies lol~

lion skull =\

dogs are always something that made me smileeeeeeee!

hahahaha! i see the way they walk i seriously cant hear but reali LAUGH-OUT-LOUD!

lazy sea lion~ glide his way thru LOL

poor squirrels are all caged up T.T

This is NOT a kangaroo~ it's a wallaby~

This IS a kangaroo :D

Guinea pigs! LOL shin's fave :D

Hophop bunnies bunnies hop!

This is the MOST adorable monkey i've ever ever seen! he's so tiny! and his cage is designed like a baby's cradle lol~ he's soooooooo playful xD

and this is another cutie~ he's not that playful but he love sucking his thumb! LOL

skunk!

i almost fainted while i saw this~ this is the cutest thing on earth!

Lion cub!!! super super tiny super super calm and super super cute!

he stayed calm even when the 2 baby fox are hyper running ard him playign catching LOL~

ultra hyper active baby fox x.x

here's a lazy one thou lol!

look carefully~ 2 sloth are hugged tgt hanging on the tree to sleep LOL~ best way of sleeping ;D

i thot this bird is fake til it's eyeball move ._.

european style are love~

this is a rotating house.. a very fascinating ride!

it feels like europe lol~

this is the craziest roller coaster =\ i didnt dare to take it.. it's maed from 100% WOOD and this is only HALF of it's whole track =\ my camera cant capture the whole thing~ so, imagine how dman scary it is =\

it's HALLOWEEN!

casper?

pumpkin king!

love this pic so much!

lousy camera :(

trademarks of Yongin everland :D

awwww~

Harry potter!

and it's BBQ again for our last dinner in Korea~ oh and desmond tio tok LOL~ at most it shud be bout 50k won but they charge us 90k won LOL =x

and it's chill out time at starlight lounge in the hotel located on the 16th floor :D

goodbye korea~

reach singapore at 9.20pm and overall i'm very happy with the trip :D thanks desmond for the sponsorship lol :D and i felt reali lost when we couldnt speak korean LOL~ well it's a good experience thou, very very fun :D and i tink the ppl there seriously tinks i'm a japanese LOL~ 99% of them speaks jap to me x.x which created more ? in my brain LOl~ but oh well, it's fun! xD ok and here's a list of wat i've bought :)

hahah! bought this cat ears hair clip for halloween! wheeeeeee~

gifts for some ppl :D

these are freegifts they give out when we purchase things lol~ VERY generous x.x

cute lighters lol~

and ta-da~ finally somethings for myself~ a whole set of make up! lol =x

this i heard is a famous cream in korea, BB cream~ til now it isnt tat bad and works very well as a make up base :)

my pretty pretty foundation :D

oh and souvenirs? lol~ 2 boarding pass, a casino chip, a Korea Ezlink, a ticket to Lotte world and shuttle bus schedule from the hotel LOL~ ya la call me a garang guni~ i dun care =p ok now holiday's over and i gotta get ready for my job in the casino ^^ pray hard for me! and thank god for this wonderful journey i have and safety of me~ once again thanks desmond!

2009-09-16T16:42:00.002+08:00

Heya~ it's been long since i last update =x everything had been peaceful til this 2 days and i guess shud be consider as good news ba :D firstly, i've got the dealer's job at casino! wheeee! xD will be goin down to sign the agreement next week i guess.. and another thing is tat tml i'll be heading to korea~! anyeonghaseyo! xD a very nice fren's sponsoring my trip lol TY!! ^^ come to tink of it it's the furthest place i've ever travelled and it's been 10yrs since i last took the plane! lol! am very very excited over it ^^ pray for my safety ya! :D it's a pity i couldnt go for the gathering at perry's place this fri! grrr! i wanna watch the movie my angel acted in! X( well i'll get the disc from them thn =x and couldnt go for service this sat as well =\ i'll be bringing my bible there and God, i promise i'll be good ok? xD everything has been so nice and smooth nowadays.. thanks be to God :D just read up on the job scope of a dealer and i tink the "intensive training" they mention will be SUPER intensive for me =\ firstly, i'm slow in math, secondly, i dun even play cards let alone gamble =.= i dunno the rules and i dunno wat shud i do/say LMAO~ ok let's just devote everything into God's hands ya? :D gotten some complications settled and am feeling much more at ease now :) but yet another stirring thing is goin on in my tiny brain =\ few days back i was stil worrying i might become so anti-relationship to the extent whereby i'll be left on the shelve.. and this 2 days things doesnt seem to be that way lol~ my heart's stil not cold afterall xD got the hint? if not thn forget it lol =x has been into this new anime Blood+.. it's a vampire/mystery anime.. so different from the one i watch previously lol! the previous one was Shugo Chara.. which is about this very cheerful girl that has super powers.. one is lively yet the other is so dark and intense x.x my brain is getting a real good exercise LOL~ anyways few occasions are coming up so i'm gonna get gifts from korea :D on 21st will be mummy's bday, 24th andy's, 3rd oct is jiejie's ROM n bday x.x i'm goin broke D: anyways dun miss me! =x

2009-08-26T04:43:00.003+08:00

today i had a crazy surprise =\ this very nice guy that's kinda after me place my name "iko" as a tattoo on his body =.= the moment i spotted it my mind went blank =\ it's so NONO to do it! omg~ i never agree with putting names on body as a art =\ there's always a saying whereby once u put it, the person wil leave u for sure.. just some superstitious saying la but still it isnt that nice rite~ sigh~ i ask him WHY?! he say "iko will not be with me for the rest of my life but at least this 'iko' will.." -_______- someone kill me pls.. for a moment i feel like the world's biggest sinner of my life x.x he's reali sweet.. spending all his time and money just to make me happy even if it's doing things that he doesnt like.. i've shunned him away a few times before and yet he stood still =\ he's been sacrifising reali alot for me.. sigh~ but i just cant return anything to him =\ i'm not ready for anything and i dun wanna get involve in this kinda BGR thingy for now at least.. sigh~ shoot me in the head.. thanks ppl.. gd nite x.x

this is so.....
gahhhhhhhhh~

2009-08-23T23:43:00.003+08:00

I'm not trying to be Emo here but i just happened to see my notes in facebook that i wrote quite sometime ago and i suddenly tink i'm a great writer LOL =x but reali ehh~ so much emotions was down in it and i can stil remember how damn emo i was when i wrote it.. it was named "my untold story" now i tink i should name it "emotions penned" LOL =x anyway such wonderful thing i wrote i just wanna leave it here in my blog as a memorial :) it was written for a special someone but now he's stil a special someone but not the same as that time hehe~ here it goes :)

My Untold Story..

There was once a mr someone appeared in my life out of nowhere.. just so randomly, he appeared and without knowing, i'm slowly being attracted to him.. i still remember the very first day everything started.. it was when he sat beside me at a place i shall not mention and randomly gets my msn.. i was surprise when he request for exchange of msn.. he was my eyecandy but i didnt even had the courage to smile at him.. and even after adding, we didnt chat at all..

til one fine day when i was rotting on my precious off day at bout 5am, he msn me askin me wat was i doin.. i mentioned that i just reach home and was goin to hit the sack.. he said something which made me regretted not goin to work that day.. ok certain things have to be kept secret here :) and ever since, we started chatting a little bit everyday.. and each day at work, i'll be like a idiot waiting for something to happen.. sometimes it did and sometimes it didnt.. but whenever it does, i'll be like a idiot smiling to myself.. time pass fast even when i'm not doin the usual stuffs i do..

and slowly we got closer thanks to a certain game in FB, it was kinda hard for me in the first place to learn it but soon i've got the hang of it.. and it became my motivation to logon my FB daily.. in fact, he's my motivation to check my wall and nearly everything in FB.. i wont deny there's a special something i have for him but sadly the reality aint allowing me to do anything about it..

and ever since we played that game, he'll start to slp real late.. and it somehow became my responsibility to get his ass up in the morning to work.. it didnt became a chore.. it was something i yearn to do daily.. even if it means to stay out late.. i'm not allowed to call/sms guys when i'm home.. some of u will noe the reason.. so, i've gotten another phone just for this.. i place it somewhere convenient for me to use and not being caught..

so every morning became a routine that i'll hide somewhere and start my "job" i'll hit more thn 20 to 30 miss calls just to wake him up and sometimes it reali worries me when he didnt pick it up.. firstly, i cannot stay away from my someone for too long least being caught =\ and secondly, i'm afraid i fail in waking him and him ended up being unhappy =\..

i constantly wil msg him and make sure he's awake before i could reali go to slp.. and the first thing i do when i wakie is to check that phone to see if he did reply.. sadly.. 99% of the time is a nono~ oh well.. wat do i expect? ha~ i remember there's this one time.. i brought a big smile to work.. i received his sms while i was waiting for train.. my heartbeat skipped a beat and my smile couldnt be wiped away.. and one night it was raining while i was working and his reali sweet words to ask me to tc of myself..

there's this period whereby we were getting real close just by watching a show. this period, i felt lonely no more at work. i was reali motivated to go to work and everyday seems so fun.. even on my off day was a fun nite at place i love to be.. til something happened someday.. and things revert back to wat it was before i noe him.. lonely, sad and cold.

i started to receive almost zero msges from him and never seen him since thn.. it occurs to me to totally not contact him so i wont be sad anymore, it occurs to me to stop contactin him so i wont bring troubles to his life.. it occurs to me to just leave him alone as i do not wish to be labeled as a irritant.. but i couldnt.. he's running thru my mind alot.. i miss him so.. but i guess this time i'm reali letting go.. i'll stop interfering with his life and just go on..

it hurts.. but i guess this will make him happier :) i wish to say thanks for leaving footprints in my life unknowingly.. sometimes i wish things werent the way they are now.. i've woken up from my dream and i'll move on in life.. stay happy :) dear fren..

Dedicated to you - dinosaur

2009-08-16T04:41:00.002+08:00

ahh a little update :D spent a crazy week or 2 weeks? lol~ after shifting of house immediately went to msia for club with the same old gang :D as usual, play til siao and this time rena toh before me! wahahha! so rare can! =x anyway after that was batam trip with andy :D wah i tell u~ if i went with someone who never been there, i tink i die ther already LOL~ oh~! and not to forget the day before i went batam i had my wonderful left leg crippled =.= went dbl O with rena and as usual, that damned place~ *grr* i dunno how i got myself injured thou =\ and i crippled my way to batam! LOL~! so proud of myself =x went shopping there OMG la~ the things there is cheap de lor!! scarily cheap xD but i didnt buy anything lol~ nite time went clubbing and omg it's so scary! ppl there dun drink at all~ they play drugs! =\ u see ppl shaking heads everywhere x.x and this mama san came to andy and hit on him wahahaha =x and i tink i'm a beauty at batam LOL! everyone keep coming up to me and say "u're very pretty!" geez~ shy si wo xD next day back in sg finally can rest abit and just spent my days clubbing and hanging out with rena.. ytd was like pao geitai can =.= initially went red ant at parklane, thn went powerhouse, thn went sabai~ ok not too bad but not as fun as i thot =\ and today's church! one thing i wanna say i'm REALLY proud of myself today.. i came home at bout 2pm and i took my bath and had a nap til 4pm.. 4pm i got tempted to skip church SOOOOOO much X( it's like something's telling me "nvm la skip one week wont die" and u noe this is always the start of backsliding =\ so another part of me is forcing myself to WAKE UP!!! and i dragged myself to the toilet and get prepared to go to church.. stil having my hangovers and yes! i succeeded in reaching CHC~ during praise n worship, thanks to my damn pig leg i couldnt reali get into the spiritual feel~ but i just prayed n prayed that God wil speak to me and fill me this service.. during sermon, i couldnt focus at all, keep drifting away from God's word =\ so i prayed again for strength and focus~ ok i survived thru xD after that was fellowship with angel mike, yoke pin and ivan! we had dinner at raffles city the japanese styled marche! heavenlyyyyyyyyyyy~ i wanna like eat up the whole place can?! lol =x we ate and had such wonderful fellowship and after that ivan had to leave early.. so me mike and yoke pin went to slack n chat at starbucks til bout 12am we went to joo chiat for durian with the rest of the peeps that went to the SOT grad dinner.. by that time my eyes are like 3/4 close =x damn tired but i enjoyed sharing and hearing from them :D first time i spent so long with them and it's reali fun! hearing different testimonies from them and stories inspired me alot! thank God so much i got to know these wonderful ppl :D we got this plan for a group fasting! LOL~ it's been soooo long since i last fasted! and this time we're gonna set a list of prayers pointers to work towards for our fast! hallelujah! wheeeeee~ i got a whole chunk of names i need to pray for x.x God~ help me! and of cos my pathetic pig leg :( mummy helped me rubbed and i went crazy :( so painful la! heng i nv go those sensei i tink i'll kill the sensei =\ screaming on the top of my lungs i bite my pillow so hard.. and mummy say "after this wil recover le la" MUMMY U LIED!!! roar!! more painful now nor :( lets hope miracle happen uh =\ i wanna run! i wanna dance! i wanna jump! rahhhh~ ok i'm goin mad again very tired now.. hitting the sack! gd nite peeps! with love muacks!

i wanna lead a life with you in it, Jesus

2009-08-02T01:36:00.003+08:00

with response to my dearest iBend's taggy~ here i am bloggin! lol~ ok gonna do a little update here.. i'm currently VERY busy with my house stuff.. my contrat with this current landlord is up so i was busy with finding a space to rent.. and yup thank god, i've gotten a room at tampines ^^ and YES IT'S SO GONNA BE VERY NEW TO ME! lol! i never ever stayed in the east side before other thn my e bf's place.. so i'm so gonna be a noobie noob noob~ easterner~ pls guide me ok!? will be shifting tml and need bout a day or 2 to settle down.. wednesday will be heading to malaysia for clubbing again xD i'm soooooooooo anticipating it! lol =x now seldom audi as well as i'm into this new game call Wind slayer~ those maple story lovers, u gotta try this! to me this is way better thn maple! it's player vs player's mode is damn fun but irritating at times LOL~ i'm now a lvl 32 Dark priest xD and it's max lvl now is 49 only so i'm trying to chiong chiong chiong! lol =x i'm so gonna train to be a mage once i hit lvl 49 ^^ and next weekend's gonna be batam trip for me and andy and perhaps mummy wil be taggin along ^^~ i'm so looking forward to it man! i've never been to batam and everybody noes iko loves to travel ^^V anyway just came back from family dinner with granny and all.. it's awesome to see all my little cousins all growing up! couldnt recognise few of them la omg x.x all so pretty and handsome now~ and i realise.. i'm REALI old T_T i'm the eldest grandchildren there so alot of the adults are like "iko when are u getting married?!" HELP!!! i dun even have a bf la! LOL~ and i dun wanna get married like so soon =.= for wat tying myself down?! i'll be dumb if i do that =x life still has ALOT to offer me and i'm so excited with wat'll happen to my life after i shift! i just applied for job with the new casino in singapore and i'm so gonna get my car license and save a sum of money for my little business in manicure and my cert! i'm so gonna get my diploma too! omg my life's gonna be real busy~ i dun wan a bf now ^^ i just need a companion and i guess all my frens are good companions ^^ ok i needa run n game a little bit and hit the sack.. tml's gonna be a longggggggg day for me x.x church in the morning at 7am, rush to suntec for the job fair for the casino one and thn back home to help shifting :D anyway a little note~ i'm dating! LOL =x k i'm contradicting to myself saying i do not wan a bf.. but it's just a date isnt it? :) and i'm firm that i'm gonna keep it as just-a-date now til i get a little achievement in my life and can afford time for a r/s :) ok goodie nite peeps! <3

iBend, i love u for reading lol muacks!

2009-07-26T00:31:00.002+08:00

AhHhhHhHHhhHhHhHhhhHhhHh!!!!

sorry pardon me i reali got the urge to give out a loud scream and blog watever happened today~ went to City Harvest for service today with Angel Mike and omg la he's reali sweet! he got me a new bible! i've lost mine =.= and he even tabbed it for me! OMG~ XD to get a bible is easy but to tabbed it is OMG-ly hard la! u need to get the pages out for every book in the bible and VERY nicely paste the tab on it. i doubt i can do a gd job thou =\ but anyway THANK YOU LOVE! ^^

ok service~ i tell u! i was never such a crybaby for a longgggggg time liao x.x CHC invited this Taiwan artiste name Wawa to perform us a song written by her and she wrote it for Jesus ^^ and i tell u! the song i hear liao i chui T.T she was inspired to write this song when she was facing a r/s breakdown.. and she mention one day she just was so tired that she could lift her head up and suddenly she heard a voice saying to her "Child.. i'm always here" (i translated it =x) and she felt that as long in her life, there's Jesus, it's more thn enough.. and this same sentence knocke on my head when i was at CHC last week! during last weeks' praise n worship, there's this song that only goes "More thn enough, u're" and just repeat.. isnt that so?! God.. is more thn enough for me~! look at me! i've been spending my everyday much more happier now! needless to seek things to fill my emptiness, needless to sulk everyday feeling life is useless.. and also! remember the dream that i always sees? the image whereby i'm in a empty room kneeling down while Jesus's on a stool and me reseting my head on his lap while he stroke on my head? the same image appeared while i hear this song!!!

ok anyway back to today's service.. after hearing she sang, I CRIED LA! OMG~ X( the lyrics are reali straight to the heart one =\ and her voice~ woolala too power x.x she's so gonna touch alot alot more hearts with her works ^^ and today's sermon is on the Book of Matthew chap 8 - 10 and also 1 Corinthians 11-12. i feel it's more about loving the weak and not sucking up to the riches.. sorry my ang moh not very good but i try ok!!! X( anyways, there's this sentence i like alot "We're not to come to the church asking wat the church can do for us, instead we're to come to church asking wat we can do for the church". and this sentence "reach out to the poor and lost sheeps not those with riches or the elites of the world". God wants to bring back his lost sheeps not those that are already back! and also another learning is "if there's hatred and anger in our heart, how are we going to touch the hearts of others truthfully?" i'm just summarising wat i've learnt today ok so dun expect much i've been reading my new bible for the past 1hr plus and i tink my brain is alittle overflowing now x.x

ok this post is not to nag about wat happened today but is to share how touched i was today in CHC! the songs today were good as well! and i can stil remember the words.. one of it was "unfailing love, so unreserved, because of you, i now can live.. you gave yourselves on calvary, and now i stand forever free.. my saviour rescue me!" awww~ i reali cant help but to tink that God's love is just~ OMGGGG~ XD keep feeling like tears are uncontrollable ANYTIME ok~ LOL~ too touched and hallelujah! i love Jesus ^^ i got this thing in my mind i'm trying to do.. i'm so gonna learn to love all even my enemies and forget wat is hate~ so i've been starting to pray for some of the ppl that i seriously do not like.. and hope it would help me forget the hate and learn to love the way God does :)

here's the lyrics of the song by Wawa that touched me to the max! i'll try to get it on my playlist right >>>> if my bloggy ya ^^

娃娃 - 有了你

轻轻的闭上眼，你就在我身边
你说，孩子，我永远都会与你同在
我一直不停的思念你

轻轻的点点头，你就在我身边
我说，耶稣，我要永远躺在你怀里
我要不停唱歌给你听

有了你，我再也什么都不缺
有了你，就不怕任何的攻击
有了你，生命都充满着美好
有了你，就有了再勇敢的心
有了你，耶稣~

轻轻的点点头，你就在我身边
我说，耶稣，我要永远躺在你怀里
我要不停唱歌给你听

有了你，我再也什么都不缺
有了你，就不怕任何的攻击
有了你，生命都充满着美好
有了你，就有了再勇敢的心
有了你，耶稣~

有了你，我再也什么都不缺
有了你，眼泪都会变成甜的
有了你，生命都充满了奇迹
有了你，就有了再勇敢的心
有了你，耶稣~

亲爱的，我的耶稣
我有了你
我有了你

i love u daddy *loves*

2009-07-22T21:49:00.002+08:00

ok enough about the unhappy things which happened~ to all that asked if i'm alrite.. thank you all so much (: and yes i'm perfectly fine (: dun wry little iko have moved on to a better life without him (: anyways this post is inspired by my dearest angel Mike :D his MSN nick "Pursuing simplicity = True happiness~" somehow hit something in my tiny brain..

for those that know.. my life have been reali complicated for the past erm.. 2 - 3months ever since i met him.. i used to have a very blissful life with a perfect boyfriend, a perfect job, a perfect lifestyle (abit of clubbing is perfect ok~).. but i gave all of them up the moment he step into my life.. i've let my previously bf down by giving up his love for me.. his love was unconditional.. his love was true.. so very true.. but i did not cherish it.. he's just a very simple guy.. leading a ordinary til cannot ordinary kinda lifestyle.. working 8-5 everyday on weekdays, weekends will be dating time with me or staying at home rotting day.. and my previous job a very simple customer service officer with Sony.. same thing.. working 10 - 8 everyday and weekends spending time with him.. this kinda simple life is wat i yearn for.. but i gave it up thinking that it's boring..

i thn seek for new and fun things in my life and i guess i messed it up terribly.. but i thank God for bringing me out of this now.. it's onli been 2 - 3 month.. and i've seen it all.. i never wanna go back to this kinda lifestyle again.. i'm glad he left me because i might be the one preg not preparing to crack my brain over keeping or murdering the baby.. i do not and will not allow myself to be in that stand.. never ever~ i thank God for giving me friends like Rena who could give me a hand in my career life.. am learning some business thingy from her and might work on something real soon :)

and now, i'm picking myself up once again to be someone who lead a simple life :) i'm gonna stay contented with everything that's given to me.. never to complain and never to compare.. i may not be a super model or superstar with pretty faces or figures, i may not earn big bucks like those big shots are earning.. but i believe God has his plans for me and i'm so gonna love this new life he gave :) i was once told by one of the pastor that God's plan for me is to be a missionary! my immediate reaction was "HUH?!" lol~ firstly i dun travel, secondly i believe i'm so gonna breakdown seeing the ppl there suffer how am i gonna be strong enuff to reach them x.x but oh well.. i'm leaving it to God still ^^

i wanna touch lives, i wanna change lives.. i wanna help those ard me.. but i'm just so tiny.. i need You by my side to help me and guide me.. give me the right words and right actions to show ppl ard that i reali do care.. they're not alone.. remove my bad temper and stubborness and fill me with love and compassion.. i wanna make ur will be done.. love u daddy <3

be gone all satan's temptation

2009-07-20T23:46:00.002+08:00

pls stop tinking that i'm a 3 yr old kid.. and dun bother to explain.. it disgust me to think he's actually like this.. being a father when he just broke up after 3 week?! omfg~ it seriously disgust me~ life with him are lies, lies and more lies.. even after break up? omg.. wat's the use? fking move on.. fking leave me.. i wan nth to do with u anymore.. disappear from my life ty.. stil wants me to wait for him? stil saying things like he misses me? omg~ dun make me laugh.. i must be dumb to have believe those haha! thank god i've left him.. thank god i'm not the one preg.. if not i cant imagine how my baby wil suffer.. i shud have known long ago this cheat.. he can even slp with me when he's with her! omfg! hahaha! i'm not ashame to say :) how else will he not cheat behind my back? haha~ dun take me as a kid pls.. dun try to tarnish my life with ur lies.. selfish bastard.. gd luck to him n her haha~ especially her.. hope she's clever enuff :) if not, she's just throwing a woman's face throughly lol~ sad for her.. move on :)

u disgust me

2009-07-18T13:46:00.021+08:00

Woots~ yts went for DF's outing and i guess it was VERY random LOL! we met at bugis for steamboat and head over to a pub at BQ for chilling after that~ here's some pic xD

Orange and me xD

Dragonflies and a few of us lol

wheee~

Grey from FOC, Me and Rena

Grey, orange and rena

Hani and Haru.. flash too strong le la!

Me and rena

Haru and rena

Very clever Haru.. u brought me into the darkness =.=

Hani and rena

Me, ai ren Kill and rena

dun ever try to train my waist =\

Grey, Me, Ari35 and Ai ren Kill~

the DFs~

Haru says : I'm tired laaa~

his eyes were always closed =.=

Grey and Rena

Kill and Rena

Ai rens~ x3

Grey, Rena and me~

Grey, Kill, Rena and me

His eyes are FINALLY open~

The sweet couple xD

i was trying to force a smile after the F up drink poured by Haru =\

Highlight of the nite! Truth or dare proposal from a random guy LOL!!

O.o?!

The flash is abit =\

Emotions are needed when singing~ wheeee

Camwhore time!

Ok the outing was not bad and i seriously tink its damn random.. D2D master, FOC master and member, i'm in D2D and E-NeT, plus DFs.. aiyo so luan! but stil it's fun! xD the onli regret is i got this damn tooth ache and i didnt eat much at the steamboat :( sobsob.. anyways here's the part 2 of my birthday photos at JB xD~~

Jiawei and me

Aries and me

Me and Ah wei (RARE GUEST!!)

Me and Deanmy

Me and Stephen

i hate the waiter behind me X(

Dj annoucing my name. i'm lost for words lol

The 2 random guys i know at E-net and now we're gd frens!

Deanmy says : mai la~~

i dunno wat we argued over x.x

His face so red!!!

Deanmy looks alot better when he smile rite?!

The Manager of Avenue club xD

peace! xD

walao small eye gang x.x

Deanmy, manager and me

why my face... =\

classy~~

NEVER EVER TRY THE GRAVEYARD IN MSIA! NEVER!!

cramped =\

tio spot! ma de~!

while i was gone, this is wat happen to the guys =.=

and deanmy's relaxing lol!

happy birthday to me *love*

2009-07-16T19:05:00.006+08:00

it was a wonderful 22nd bday :) initially didnt wan to celebrate as i wasnt in the mood for celebration.. so just wanted to go to msia with a few frens and perhaps just to relax and chill there.. ended up it was a happening night lol~ my day started off very well with guardian angels' surprise! i was msn-ing at home and on the phone with rena while mum came in and tell me someone's at the door with flowers.. i was like HUH?! O.o i went out and wahhh!! the flowers so nice!! i see the delievery paper to see who was it from and when i saw Your Guardian Angel i was like OMFG~ this is the first time this kinda things happen to me.. thot it onli happens in tv x.x anyway thank you angel *loves*

see! so nice!! xD pinky rose!!

**loves!!**

aww~ melts~~

doggy watches over me when angel's not ard hehe xD

This is from rion for my LAST birthday =.=

and this is from sweet cherrie! x3

Here's a little pic of ytd as msia.. haven gotten the rest from rena so just post watever i have here first hehe~

rena in BUS! LOL

Rena and Me at the stonegrill place

Deanmy and Ah wei act shy! LOL

Deanmy's HUH face with Ah wei's wth face and aries happily eating LOL

Aries happily eating his 2nd round LOL

Sry we messed up the bed before i could take photos x.x

The beautiful toilet!
Nice view! we're staying at 18th floor LOL and Naza hotel is where we stayed previously LOL
The living room~
Beautiful hotel we have~ Bluewave hotel~
if u can see 3 guys emo-ing at the balcony and rena's calling stephen haha~
Got kitchen somemore! hahaha! but no pots dunno how they expect us to cook LOL
OK i'm all set for the party nite! wheeeeeee~
Deanmy trying to murder me :(

ok the rest of the pic will be up reallllllll soon xD am so in love with this place now! The Zon revenue club~ the DJ's so cute la LOL she keep call me nicole while i told her 53825632975times i'm IKO lol!! first time reali let loose and play hard! woots~ in msia i guess not so restricted that's why ba :D afterall.. i love all of u who were there and made me a very very happy girl.. thanks lots to deanmy and rena for planning all the small small surprises! hehe~ i love u all *muacks*

2009-07-14T13:22:00.002+08:00

ytd was a very special night.. he suddenly called me and flare up with me for bringing guys up my place.. i was like wth?! how come so random.. and honestly, i did no wrong since we're no longer tgt and he's the one that got a gf first.. so i met up with rena and him.. kept quiet throughout til when we were at mac i ask him to eat cos he mention that he didnt eat at all.. sigh~ i so wanna refrain myself from looking back.. but i guess it's reali hard.. alot of things we manage to talk about regarding our r/s.. alot i wont mention here cos i dun wan anyone to get hurt.. so i'm keeping them to myselves and him.. oh well.. i thought he've been having a happy times nowadays that i'm gone.. he said the only thing is when he was with me he's suffering alot.. he dun mind staying home be my gd boy.. just that the quarrels we had were too =\.. chatted for very long and about lots of things.. i looked at him with lots of thots running thru my mind while he didnt realise.. i kept thinking.. how would things have been if we didnt quarrel at all.. if only i came to realise things earlier.. if only he could teng me slightly more and gave me more attention.. i kept asking myself would i wan him back.. of cos i would! i dun lie to myself.. but i kept reminding myself to hold on and think carefully.. cos i noe i cannot afford to have my heart broken once again.. i too feel for her.. in fact.. i pity her.. i dun wanna say much more.. we talked quite abit bout their r/s.. i kept wondering how he can so fast move onto another r/s.. feeling lonely? wanted to make me forget him? he mention his feelings never once faded.. i guess i noe wat he meant ba.. it's just the at that point of time u felt u wanna be alone and run away.. it's more of the sian feeling ba.. i asked him have he ever thot of saving our r/s ever since our break up.. he said yes.. but how come i dun even see a single action? and he even got attach and say he wan to save this r/s? i was quite pissed and i told him pls cherish and respect ur gf.. indeed i hated her but now i got no rights to hate her and i feel for her as a girl.. we're not tools.. i reali tink he needs to learn how to love and respect a girl properly.. of cos after being tgt for 2 months and now i tink back.. he did alot of improvements.. he knows how to care for me when i was sick althou stil not as much but it's effort still.. at least he knows that i'm unhappy and he'll try not to do certain things.. he tried to teng me sayang me more when in the beginning i mention to him "can u teng me more!?" i was very very thankful he once put in so much for me.. it's not about the "i love u" or watever sweet things he've done.. it's all about the sincerity and the effort he made that makes me fall for him so deeply.. he earned this love.. but he too let it go just liddat.. after the talkings ytd.. i felt he've grown.. perhaps he stil doesnt noe how to handle his own stress and make himself happy ba.. i keep telling him talk to whoever he feel comfortable.. dun carry the load alone.. we're all here for him.. i can tell there's alot running in his mind.. he's not the tak i used to be with anymore.. he's filled with sadness and worries.. and it breaks my heart alot.. the moment i decided to let him fly, was because i thot he was happy.. i thot he got wat he needed which i cant give.. but i guess i was wrong.. i'm glad he talked to me abit bout his problems regarding his job and family.. indeed i couldnt help him at all.. but at least i gave him a hug and sayang his head i hope he'll feel better.. he mention that each time we broke up, there'll always bound to have problem with his job/life.. haha! wat?! i'm a curse?! roar! and we talked bout him goin to turn himself in.. i felt happy.. it's not i wanna see him go in.. it's not i wanna lose him.. but it's reali for his own good.. i wan him to one day be able to guang ming zheng da face the world.. i dun wan him to forever be running away.. i wan him to reali be a man and face it.. when we were tgt, my thots were we could travel tgt, we could do alot of thing tgt.. but even if it's now.. at least even i'm no longer beside him, i also wish he could face things bravely.. i'll walk with him if he wants me to.. anyways.. am glad we had a gd long chat.. (:

dun let her down (:

2009-07-14T01:59:00.002+08:00

was actually watching the yu le bai fen bai relaxing on my bed.. wanting to get a good rest.. and it so happen this girl sang this song which brought tears to my eyes once again =\ i noe i promise i wont cry anymore but this song is exactly how i felt.. pls read the lyrics properly.. each time i broke up, i always felt this way.. i just wish they'll tink of me once in a while.. our memories.. everything.. here it goes :)

Christine Da'ae - Think of Me Lyrics

Think of me, think of me fondly,
when we've said goodbye.
Remember me once in a while -
please promise me you'll try.
When you find that, once again, you long
to take your heart back and be free -
if you ever find a moment,
spare a thought for me

We never said our love was evergreen,
or as unchanging as the sea -
but if you can still remember
stop and think of me . . .

Think of all the things
we've shared and seen -
don't think about the things
which might have been . . .

Think of me, think of me waking,
silent and resigned.
Imagine me, trying too hard
to put you from my mind.
Recall those days
look back on all those times,
think of the things we'll never do -
there will never be a day,
when I won't think of you . . .

RAOUL:
Can it be? Can it be Christine?
Bravo!
Long ago, it seems so long ago
How young and innocent we were...
She may not remember me,
but I remember her...

CHRISTINE:
Flowers fades,
The fruits of summer fade,
They have their seasons, so do we
but please promise me, that sometimes
you will think of me!

i wont ask for much..
just tink of me at times..

2009-07-13T11:31:00.003+08:00

had a reali enjoyable weekend.. firstly was mount faber trip with rion.. it was a beautiful experience there~ the ambience the drinks.. woots~ thou had a bad news that day regarding him n her but oh well it's the past :) from that moment on i told myself.. i need to move on.. after having few glasses of drinks me n rion rested in car to let his "high-ness" go down a little haha~ while listening to songs, Elva's 吻 was played and i cried =\ thanks to this sentence.. "你身边是否还是那个她取代我在你醒来吻你吗" =\ sigh~ now my place has been taken over by her.. but honestly i'm happy to hear that he's very happy being with them now.. seeing the pics of them being so sweet, i truly wish them all the best and hope she can love him the way he needed ba :) it's painful but ya i'm moving on :) after rion awakes from his high-ness he sent me home and acc me thru the nite :) it's very sweet of him cos i've been having terrible insomnia thou even with him ard i stil cant slp =\ but still i'm thankful for the hugs :) very very warmth~

next was msia trip with rena, deanmy, stephen and orange.. haha~ it was my first time clubbing in msia and seriously it was POWER~! xD i went in earlier with deanmy and one of his fren.. went to walk ard and deanmy got his twilight series! roar! i wan them too :( after awhile his fren left and both us head to eat at stone grill!! heavenly! omg~ and it's his treat! hehehe~ =x didnt reali have enuff slp so we headed straight to book hotel before meeting rena they all later in the nite.. i needed a place to rest la X( so we cab over from city square to naza hotel.. lol~ first time took cab in msia.. so fun xD and the uncle went on a different route and deanmy was like "walao be careful hor~" LOL~ so cute~ when reach hotel we both checked into room 705 and when i see the bed i'm like OMGGGGGGG i wanna slp! LOL =x deanmy read his twilight series while i was napping and my phone rings like nobody's business x.x at first was watching tv and he off it! roar! he say "slp la stil watch! later u faint thn u noe" lol~ so i napped a little while and at that point of time i felt safe :) something was goin thru my mind but i'm not gonna mention it here hehe =p anyways at bout 12am rena they al reached so i prepared and me n deanmy took cab to meet them at the zon.. walao ehh damn happening man! it's like whole stretch of clubs n pubs~ omfg paradise! xD thanks to deanmy who's almost a regular there he brought us to this club call revenue and so qiao so many of his frens there lol~ it's a very very nice place and ok i was drunk LOL =x the glass they gave was so small that we couldnt estimate the amount of alcohol at all x.x and stupid stephen got me a pure neat and i didnt noe i go n tah~ wakao! terrible x.x and amazingly, i couldnt remember wat happen next =\ i onli remember we were back at hotel n me n rena was stuck in toilet camwhoring for veryyyyy long lol~ the guys disturb say that we're ahem-ing inside hahahaha! and stephen mentioned that i slept halfway, woke up and chat with deanmy.. i was like WTF?! i dunno anything! couldnt recall at all! omg~ and i guess i said something wrong =\ asked deanmy but he refuses to say (as always).. roar~ and i dunno how the hell i went back to slp and next thing i noe is it's 8plus in the morning and we have to head back sg le lol~ deanmy's face were black like bao qing tian =\ hopefully it's not regarding wat i said that nite cos i seriously dunno wat i said! omg x.x we had a hard time waking rena up thou LOL~ damn cute she woke up, and jump on the bed again and cover the blanket and lai chuang LOL~ damn cute~ when she finally wakes up we head back to sg and it was raining x.x was super tired and stil feeling high.. it's like when i walk i feel like i'm flying LOL~ thn we head to my house here de coffee shop for slight breakfast and rena came to my place while stephen send the guys home :)

chatted for very long with rena at my place and it feels good to talk to her :) in the noon, we head over to her place for a swim and sauna! haha~ swimming was so cold that i dun wanna move x.x and sauna was hot to the extend that i wanna run out of the place roar! but seriously it was damn shiok~ very relaxing but the only thing is i'm feeling cooked x.x lol~ after that head out to movie with stephen at cine and we caught "the haunting of connecticut" wah nice man! i cant even eat or drink properly thanks to the scary parts =.= rena screamed! hahaha! =x damn funny~ but the show rocks.. very scary and nice and yet touching a little big :) after that we head to mac at liang court for stephen's supper and head home.. on the way home rena KO to the extent whereby her phone rings and she didnt even noe.. lol~ and after we dropped her, on the way to my home, i told stephen i wont slp dun worry i'll pei u.. end up!! hhahahaha i KO =x so paisei bout that thou hehe~ when reach home dunno how the hell i got the energy to login audi somemore lol! saw andy and ennie online so play 1 game with them and went to their rm to talk cock.. andy keep saying we bo jio so i was like u were sms-ing with rena! lol~ he say he regretted not goin hahaha~ lala~ it's a nice show la~ and i jio him for wed clubbing in JB which he say see how la =.= ok anyway i'm gonna jio for this outing..

Where: Malaysia JB The Zon
When: 15 July 09 Wednesday
Why: IT' MY BIRTHDAY!!

so ppl! come down if possible ok!!! contact me!

2009-07-11T15:57:00.002+08:00

This is specially for all the guys out there who doesnt noe how to understand a woman or treat a woman well.. this is just too true to wat a woman truly wants and needs and why we behave the way we behave.. please read with true sincerity if u reali wan to know how to love a woman properly..

1、当你爱着一个女孩子，一定要记得经常对她说：我爱你

。不管已经说过多少次，不管是她第几百次问你“你爱我吗？”当她对你说“我爱你”，你都要很真诚地说：我也爱你，不是用其他话或者觉得多余。

2、如果你不爱她了，放了她。不要白白享受着她的照顾和温柔，然后漫不经心地寻找着别的女孩，在找到之后才说我们分手吧，又或者干脆脚踏两只船。

3、在你的朋友和她的朋友面前不要总一摆出一副大男人呼来唤去的样子。女人愿意照顾你，满足你大男人对“三从四德”的喜好，是因为她爱你她宠你，但并不表示她愿意被当做佣人和附庸。

4、你答应她的事情再小也要做到。女人都希望有个坚强的肩膀依赖，想告诉你她的一切，但是你如果连小事情都做不好，她怎么去依赖你？当她说一些你不认可的事情也不要去指责或者冷漠，这样她怎么去信任你把心里话都告诉你？

5、不要总在你们相处的时候打游戏或者上电脑。当你不亦乐乎的时候，她也许已经觉得很被冷落，而你却只注意着你的电脑。

6、女人总有几天是经期，那时候是不能用理智控制的。不管她怎么歇斯底里、不讲道理、喜怒无常，你都要哄着她包容她。绝不要表现出不快和不耐烦。

7、不要总向往地说想三妻四妾，说古代男人真幸福呀，说想三人行。她把你当作她的唯一，也希望你把她当作唯一。常这样说的你，她能放心让你出门去会姐姐妹妹、狐朋狗友吗？不要总当着她夸奖红颜知己，不要对别的女人*对她还关心。女人是敏感的动物，她并不是不信任你，她只是对你太在乎，希望你也可以一样。

8、不要总当着她的面盯着别的女人，不要总去赞叹别人的美丽。或者说你为什么不能如何如何。女人希望你爱的就是她现在的样子，希望自己是你心中最美最性感最重要最爱的人。

9、女人不管再贤惠有母性，但骨子里都是一个孩子。不要总希望她多么为你着想，多么会体贴你的感受，多么以你为中心。她也希望可以象孩子一样任性，希望有个人像宠孩子一样宠她爱她，照顾她关心她，而不只是像孩子一样向她索取关爱和宽容。

10、做错了事情、伤害了她要承认，并且以行动向她陪不是。偶尔放下所谓男人的面子，却能温暖她受伤的心。不要说了要改下次还是犯，她可以原谅你偶尔的错误，但是不能容忍一错再错。

11、在她脆弱的时候、心情不好的时候呵护她，在她慌乱无助的时候支持她指引他。爱健康自信的她，也爱疾病无助的她，而不是只要求她把最好的一面给你。没有人是完美的，分享她的缺点，包容她，而不只是指责，更不要在她最需要你的时候默不关心。做她英雄、她的王子、她的骑士。

12、绝不要背叛。不要想“家里红旗不倒，外面彩旗飘飘”，别把女人当作衣服。

13、给她真正的安全感，不一定是婚姻。而是：无论贫穷还是富有，健康还是疾病，相爱相依，不离不弃，直到死亡把我们分开。

if only..
sigh :(

2009-07-09T19:05:00.002+08:00

dun reali wanna blog this time as this marks the end of our r/s :( i know we've just patch back not long ago but on the 7th, baby left me again :( things were different.. thou we were very sweet n happ yon our first day of patch but days after that, i guess baby no longer loves me.. this break up was due to baby's feeling faded.. sigh~ something i never wanted it to happen.. i did not hold him back too cos i noe he wants his freedom back.. i granted him his wish and let go.. sigh~ i miss him so.. this 2 days i've been a living dead.. waking up to emptiness, keeping myself drunk in tears.. crying to slp and waking up crying.. seriously.. it's hell i'm goin through :( i know i have to be strong and overcome this.. i have to let him go totally.. but it's reali hard.. i felt there were so much we've not done tgt.. there's stil so much i wanna achieve with him.. i wants to walk his life with him goin through every single thing be it happy or sad.. sigh~ without me by his side, i worries for him lots.. how is he doin? did he eat well, slp well? is he safe? is he happy? sigh~ packed my room this noon and seeing all the stitchy he got for me reali is heart wrenching :( looking at everyone single one of them reminds me of the moment he gave them to me.. especially the biggest one when he caught for me at his bday chalet.. i was soundly aslp and he just stuff it in my arms.. with a kiss from him and stroke on my head he left for bowling.. i was such a happy girl.. but it's all gone now :( i dunno wat am i waiting for.. stayin at home hoping one of the keys sound were from him.. waiting for him to return to me one day where we could start all over again.. but i know the moment i agreed to the break up, i've lost him forever.. sigh~ my heart reali sours knowing he's no longer by my side.. my heart reali sours knowing i could never call him baby anymore :( tinking back on all the quarrels we had.. it was reali dumb :( i should have seen the picture clearer earlier.. things might be different now.. troy has shifted back home due to some issues as well.. now this room is only filled with memories of us playing fight.. the laughters and screams that fills this room will be gone.. now back to this empty room i'm all alone again.. i wish to see him.. badly.. i wish to hug him badly.. i wish him by my side again badly.. but i guess i have to hold myself back.. memories are wat's left.. i'll cherish them.. it's our 2nd month anni this sat.. thot we could have a good day tgt.. but i guess it's a never :( i'm not gonna celebrate my bday as well.. it's a sad birthday month.. hais~ i miss him so..

if only you'll be back..
i'll be ur gd girl n never make u angry again..

2009-07-06T10:38:00.002+08:00

on 4th july.. it was one of my happiest day recently.. finally baby's back into my life and finally things were a little better.. when im home after work, we had a little talk cos i pop the question "are we tgt or?" initially his reply were not tgt.. of cos i cried.. and try to go to slp.. guess he couldnt stand me crying thus he ask for wat thing am i crying now.. i said he already dun wan me thn expect me to be happy? and we had a little tiff over things that happened.. somehow we patched back :) when things turn out fine, i thot i could finally have a good slp by his side hugging him.. and end up lol~ we went to chalet xD with the E-NeT ppl, we opened a super last min chalet at downtown for 1 nite.. i was very very happy this 2 days at the chalet.. i finally felt i'm attached.. that kind of feeling whereby we're doin something tgt and not keep staring at computers =\ he held my hand and hugged me.. we play fight at chalet and hugged to slp.. all these.. are wat i all along yearned for.. they're back to me and with additional love from him.. goin to the theme park was so fun.. thou lots of machines werent working but it's the company that matters.. baby caught 2 bear for me.. a stitchy and a normal bear.. it was reali a memorable day for me.. i've always wanted a outing with baby.. a normal outing not those back to lan shops and rot kinda outing.. finally being tgt for nearly 2 month we did that :) this patch back meant alot to me i'm so gonna work harder to be a good gf for him.. hopefully things wil turn out fine ba.. i'm learning :) one thing i'm feeling now is there's stil a gap between me n baby.. but i believe time will pull this gap closer ba.. afterall we just had a big fight sure got gap de ba.. ont thing i have to mention here is regarding that bytch.. ok i noe it's no gd to mention her anymore but all i can say is i'm gonna let nature takes its course.. i've been tinking seriously i shouldnt get so worked up over this kinda issues.. i will leave things to nature.. honestly if baby's heart is not with me, any girl that comes along would made him leave me no matter how hard i try to keep him.. i hereby believes that baby loves me and will stay faithful to me.. am not gonna trust anything unless i see it for myself.. but still i dun like her =x lala~ this fact cant be change rite :( oh well.. lets hope things will turn out fine ba :) dun wanna let this r/s go to waste over nonsensical things.. ilu <3

2009-07-02T00:55:00.002+08:00

had some reflection and came to realise alot of things.. perhaps in the beginning i shouldn't even have tried to change anything of him.. not letting him meet his frens not letting him doin alot of stuffs which he usually does.. but of cos most of the things i wish he change is for his own good as well.. but i guess i've push him too hard.. things have come to wat it's like today, i play a big role in it too.. in a r/s there's no such thing as one sided's fault ba.. i was thinking wat if in this r/s, i just let him have his own freedom and dun voice out my unhappiness.. i just let him have things his way.. i guess things would have ended up like this as well ba.. it's hard to balance =\ learning how to give n take equally is hard ): rena mention one thing that reali makes sense.. if someone loves u, he/she will automatically change for u without u requesting.. this is natural.. and i truly believe in it.. perhaps we both were too firm on our own stand ba.. alot of misunderstanding were caused and thus creating alot of quarrels. communications through sms or msn kinda sucks as words can be misunderstood.. sigh~ i no longer noe wat to do now.. feeling kinda empty and lost rite now and was having terrible sleep lost =\ waking up every few minutes to see if he did reply.. waking up to see if it's him who came home.. waking up to emptiness knowing that i've lost him.. rena mention that losing this r/s is kinda waste as she felt that it's all misunderstanding and we're both too chong dong.. hmm i guess we both have too high ego and pride ba.. it just seem that we cannot let our ego down and try communicating properly.. i admit i'm very hot tempered too and i tend to be very chong dong saying things i dun mean as well.. it's reali kinda pity.. but oh well.. it takes two hands to clap ba.. if he chose to let go, there's basically nothing i can do as well.. guess we're both tired and drained.. i've pressured him too much and he's been trying to run away from the pressure too.. it's time to rest..

truly..
i miss u..

2009-06-25T02:22:00.000+08:00

我狠不下心。。
这是最后一次我答应我自己不会再被伤害了。

2009-06-24T22:13:00.002+08:00

i'm totally disappointed in him.. totally.. i've chose to end this r/s.. not due to a game.. but due to the insecurity that leads to a truth that's been hidden from me.. guess wat i found out today? guess ppl who've been reading on me n him will noe bout this famous person name GINA.. he told me that he never contact her already.. and YET~ she's now his main acc de cpl in audi.. and just yesterday they wedding. HA! to think he could stil tell me it's someone i dunno.. it's someone that doesnt go XG.. it's someone that he seen before but DUNNO! fking hell am i a fool? do i look so nice to be lied to? without a proper sorry, he stil tries to wriggle his way out of this quarrel making it sound like he got no fault! HA! he say is ME who cannot take it that he got a cpl in audi.. HELLO~ if i cant take it i wont fking attend the wedding and ask them to jy n grats them! wat i fking cannot take is WHY HER?! he perfectly know it that we had big fights over her and he promise me not to contact her anymore.. the word here is ANYMORE!!! end up? COUPLE! so clever.. it seem he cant forget her ba? ask her to change a identity and be his main cpl. ha! and he stil can say they're just frens.. correct just frens.. thn why lie? just how many more lies are there? in this incident there's 1) he lied they didnt contact. 2) he lied she is someone i dunno. 3) he lied she doesnt go XG. 4) he lied he dunno her just seen b4. 4 lies in a single incident.. maybe more to be unsolved.. fking put urself in my shoes la hor! brainless idiot.. totally disappoint me. to tink i stil gives him a chance.. to tink i stil believe he will change. to tink i was so happy few days back talking to my frens saying he reali did change for me.. to tink i thot this might work out.. to tink to tink to tink.. this is just rubbish! fucked up! he's nothing but lies. enuff! stop it! i'm not someone u can lie to. i've stop this insecurity feeling.. i dun wan anymore.. u hurt me enuff.. thanks.. go have fun with ur GINA! fuck

nothing but lies..
i'm a fool..

2009-06-21T12:19:00.003+08:00

feeling kinda sucky now.. just when i thot things are getting slightly better, i'm feeling down again.. this might be a rubbish post so for those who're gonna give stupid comments, pls click on the close button ont the top right corner of the screen thanks..

firstly first i'm lacking of proper slp and am stil very sicky.. mood wont be anywhere near good.. and today there's a audi event at XG.. wanted to go join in the fun and get to noe his circle of frens.. but i guess it jsut isnt fated to be ba.. he told me he gotta work and wont be goin for the event.. and he called me at like 11.30 to ask me if i wanna join the event.. it's reali nice of him to ask me.. BUT he mention that i have to be there at 12.30.. hello i stay woodlands and i haven bath i'm not the least ready to go out.. how the fk can i reach there by 12.30?? so in order not to mess things up.. i give up.. i dun go.. wanted to just go and get to noe his frens, see the comp and join if possible.. end up? i'm at home helping him lvl-ing his noob acc.. ha~ sometimes i reali tink i'm stupid.. why am i doin all these things for him? i sacrifised my slp just to be more into his life.. but i guess i'm not appreciated at all.. he was almost confirmed that he's not goin for the event.. end up?? he even joined it.. i wasnt surprise actually.. kinda expected it.. how will he not join haha~ his XR ppl lei~ oh well this is one thing that dampens my mood for the day.. another was my stupid didi who spammed the fking winner shout thingy in the room while i was trying to do the story for bf.. i repeatedly ask him to stop cos mum is complaining.. and he ignored.. ended up i'm the one getting scolded and nagged at.. oh well.. i guess my day's gonna suck big time today.. wanna bet? he'll be ending up at XG tonite (: a place i hate with the ppl i hate.. he just love doin things i hate (: somehow.. i'm a unwanted loner ba.. i'm tired.. get me out of here.. thanks. bye

2009-06-20T19:07:00.002+08:00

放炯镔-坏人

那一扇车门
关出我们的裂痕
一声就震断了回头的路程

爱无法均分
以后就留给你们
也许用伤害结束爱才更动人

容忍的人其实并不笨
只是宁可对自己残忍
既然爱不能恒温
祝福就给你下一个人

你是好人也是个坏人
对我坦承只为了朝他狂奔
不能放任所以放了
这点痛我还能忍

我是好人也是个坏人
分得够狠你才有借口转身
宁愿爱一点不剩
也不忍看恋人爱成路人

三个人从不对等
总有个人必须牺牲
那永恒就等他带你完成

你是好人也是个坏人
对我坦承只为了朝他狂奔
不能放任所以放了
这点痛我还能忍
我是好人也是个坏人
分得够狠你才有借口转身
宁愿爱一点不剩
也不忍看恋人爱成路人

宁愿爱一点不剩
也不忍看恋人爱成路人

2009-06-15T09:41:00.002+08:00

i cant help but to feel damn insecure every single seconds.. thanks to watever things that had happened this 2 days.. just this 2 days alone the trust that was built, was totally gone.. how scary can that be? sigh~ i dunno.. but this insecure feeling is dirt strong and i'm very very uneasy with it =\ i can onli say he made the wrong-est move to use someone to gek me.. reali wrong.. yes it did gek-ed me but have he thot of the after effect of it? i'm fking insecure now =\ like reali fking insecure -______- and thanks to whoever that adds oil to fire that mentioned that he's actually 2-timing me.. the insecurity is even higher thn anything on this earth.. i'm beginning to do things which i usually dun do and i'm beginning to not being myself.. i can only say.. i'm going crazy reali soon.. i've never felt so insecured before and i think.. it sucks.. argh! just fking end this life of mine la.. for wat bringing me here and make me suffer? >=( paranoid iko X(

fk everything!

2009-06-14T05:22:00.003+08:00

i doubt i'm rank no. 1 in his heart at all..
why do i say so?
he choose to go meet his friends to slack at lan at BEDOK instead of coming down to boonlay to accompany.. his excuse were no money take cab.. hmm i wont is bedok nearer to woodlands thn boonaly? ha~ he meet them almost everyday and yet on my off day he choose to find them again. wat bullshit is this? i can choose to club i can choose to pub i can choose to movie with my frens.. but i chose to acc him on my one and onli off day.. even if it's just to stay home and rot.. in the end? he stil left me alone at home.. i guess i'm not important at all.. he flares up at my mom when she did something not so nice to him.. hmm ok i understand that she can be irritating at times but still i feel he shudn't do that ba.. it's not very nice to disrespect ur bf/gf's mom isnt it? he told me he's goin to XG in the first place and changed it to 23.. after me knowing that nobody else was at 23, he said it doesnt matter where he goes.. oic.. now i noe le.. wherever ur bf/gf goes it doesnt reali matters to know.. so next time i tink there isnt a need for him to noe where i am ba.. his msn personal msg was "ABCDEFHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ <3" there's a missing G.. G stands for? G-I-N-A it's someone used to be his gan gf.. ha~ i confronted him on this and guess his reply.. "long ago this was already there i nv change nia" OH? it was there ONLY after we got tgt.. so means? he's flirting with her? HA-HA-HA! so wat if she knows i'm his gf? cant they flirt? he keeps saying i'm flirting with my audi cpl create4u.. hmm~ i guess in the room i'm playing, hans and noob was ard ba.. they can be very gd witness if we did flirt ornt :) even if i'm flirting.. wat can happen? he's like way way at australia? he's not even a singaporean so he doesnt come sg at all.. btw he's getting married soon too.. and wat about that GINA? she's right here is damn sg and they're meeting almost every single day while I AM AT WORK! woots~ how nice? who knows they might even did things behind my back? i felt that this r/s is full of lies.. nothing else but lies.. everything i'm kept in the dark til i find out myself.. seriously.. i'm tired.. i'm tired of quarrels i'm tired of lies.. i'm tired to find things out myself and i'm seriously very very drained.. why cant he put himself in my shoes? to him, i might be just throwing temper, being jealous over something that doesnt exist.. but HELLO~ i'm a girl.. i need security.. i need someone there for me.. not someone that spend more time with his frens (including that fking G) thn me.. ya ppl might say "u all stay tgt le day day see each other wont sian meh.. let him meet his frens ma" CORRECT! we're staying tgt.. but how much time we really have for one another? almost zero.. i reach home at 9am, he's aslp.. so i went to slp.. i wakes up at 6pm and have to prepare for work.. when i'm at work, he's with his frens.. and the circle goes round.. SO LET ME ASK.. HOW MUCH FKING TIME DO WE HAVE TGT?! NONE! so dun fking tink that we stay tgt and we're spending alot of time tgt.. we dun even have a proper dating day.. we dun even have time to say "iloveu" we dun even have time to play game or watch movies tgt! fk my off day! why not i just work 7days a week?! sometimes i reali tink i shud just stay single at this point of my life since i have no time for my bf.. his G might do a better job thn me.. and also my frens are spending more time with me.. why? cos they made the effort to come down to bl to acc me.. at least for 1 or 2 hours.. i'm happy and i thank them for that.. some even stayed til morning just to acc me.. so who exactly is my bf? i dunno~

failure
i failed as a gf.

2009-06-06T09:04:00.002+08:00

it's very funny! =\
i was listening to some songs in cab while on my way to work and suddenly she came across my mind.. suddenly felt the heartache to lose her as a close fren.. guess things gotten too harsh previously =\ well, still i tink i'm not in the wrong.. i'm stil angry over her poking her nose into my issues.. let it be~ have been reading her blog recently and was actually quite glad that she's doin pretty fine now while she's facing her worst nightmare.. but just read some stuff that aint very nice and felt quite a heartache again.. i wish to tell her i do love her as a fren.. but it's just.. hais i dunno wat to say =\ bf says i'm being too soft hearted but oh well.. i'm a soft shell crab =x in my lifetime onli few ppl are truly my closest fren and she happen to be one of them.. how can i not feel for her in times like this? sigh~ all i can do now is to give her my deepest blessings and hope that ppl ard her now can truly understand her and love her ba..

min..
jiayou..
i reali do love u..

2009-06-03T07:35:00.002+08:00

a cpl stays tgt but doesnt understand each other at all.. this cpl sleeps beside each other every night.. but sad to find out that they both dun understand each other at all.. even his frens says so..

"u shud try to find out things about him urself wor.. initiate to talk to him ma.."

"i know i did.. but wat i get back is 'i'm with my frens lo, u dunno de..' wat else can i say?"

"i believe i noe his things more thn u do"

"i believe too.. infact i believe everyone noes him more thn i do.. haha"

another case..

"where ur bf?"

"at home lo"

"why he nv pei u one? he got work in the morning?"

"errrr ya he's busy with his job"

(in my mind: i dunno where he is i dunno who he's with i dunno wat he's doin)

another case..

"who's iko?"

"my couple"

(in my mind: oh cpl? not gf? aww~~ *cries*)

another case..

"omg where u? how come i cant find ur rm?"

"rm 18.."

"pw?"

"other ppl invite me one"

"oh thn i go play myself ba"

(in my mind: oh i'm not even invited to play with his frens.. why? am i a hidden gf? his frens are anti social? or am i anti social??)

we were online at the same time.. but we rent even pm-ing at all.. not even in the same rm.. and wat i saw? 2 girls in the same rm as him.. i know they're his frens.. i'm not jealous over him playing with girls.. i'm just sad that i'm just a hidden gf.. do they have to lock rm? btw they're ALL at my house without me knowing.. all at same place need to lock rm? hmm i wonder.. i reali wanted to trust him.. alot.. but his actions aren't even telling me that he's transparent to me.. how can i trust someone that cant even trust me with things? sigh~ i dunno how to get the message across anymore.. i'll just keep shut and just let it be..

i'm sad..
very very very sad..
a hidden gf :..(

2009-05-26T08:43:00.002+08:00

Stitchy is love!

Wheeeeeeee xD here's the 4 stitchy bii caught for me last sat at suntec hehe~ all different sizes wor kekez~ the miniest one is clipped to my bag so day day bring him out xD the other 3 too big to bring out so just hug 1 to slp at nite while the other 2 watch me to slp xD anyway it's the first time a guy ever caught bears for me :) ty bii **loves** guess he spent a big bomb on it =\ thou many might say "isnt it better if he use the money to buy something else for u?" nope~ to me i think this is where the heart comes in ba :) the effort, patience, money, time spent.. hehe xD

happy girl i am

2009-05-25T05:29:00.002+08:00

BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK BOTAK

sorry for spamming but bf says i nv mention him in my blog.. so here it is :D
tml thn update more with the pictures of my newly caught stitchy by bf xD
nite nite

2009-05-25T04:30:00.002+08:00

it's funny how KPO singaporeans can be.. like SERIOUSLY~ issues between me n him need other ppl to come and scold n advice us? omfg~ we're no longer kids u noe =.= he mentioned that his campmate took his phone and replied the sms to me for him.. to his dearest campmate.. hello do i even noe u? do u even fking noe wat is goin on? listening to one sided stories doesnt help anything u noe? and for ur information.. it's best not to listen to a single side at all ok? stop poking ur nose into someone elses matters.. who are u to reply on his behalf? are u his gay bf? or his father? kaos~ get a life.. and also to miss chen.. stop poking ur nose into our affair also i beg of u get far far away from me.. i dun need ur lashing u noe? who are u to call me shameless? u very not shameless meh? omg~ dun force me to say things out :) and who are u to say things bout us? are u in the r/s? no? are u his gf? no? are u even his sister? no? and do u noe his THAT well? more thn me? NO~ so pls.. stfu and control ur own life. cant even handle ur life properly stil wan care bout other's life.. wat a joke.. i guess he just have very very very KPO frens ard him.. it's no wonder he always gets influence so easily.. ha~ to these frens of his.. pls la.. let him have some say in his own life can? stop trying to control it for him.. do u guys reali tink u understand him that fking well? u guys reali noe wat he wants? u guys might noe wat he need but definitely not wat he wants ok~ pls let him have some say.. if not he'll forever be this weak.. u're not helping him at all by doin all these.. my advice.. let him have a SAY.. thanks..

a note to u shin: i wont say i'm a perfect fren.. maybe i'm not even a gd fren to u.. and i have no rights to even comment on ur frens.. but still these frens are just trying to control ur life.. telling u things.. be it truth or untruth.. go ahead and listen to them if u wan to.. my advice is please get a firm stand for urself.. u're too easily influenced.. u need not care bout wat i say.. just leaving a note thou.. just wish u all the best in ur life and hopefully u can finally grow up having ur own firm stand n not being pulled ard by others.. you wanna noe ur weakness? it's not that u're soft.. it's not that u're too nice.. it's just that u always dun voice ur own opinions out.. why is it that when we're tgt, u can voice things that u dun like out so clearly? and yet now u're letting ppl controlling ur life? tink about it and hope u'll be a stronger guy that a girl can lean on ba.. tc

2009-05-24T21:28:00.002+08:00

now i noe the truth :)

to think i stil care for someone when she's being down.. to think i still wish her all the best deeply from my heart.. to think i still don't wan to confront her even if she betrayed my trust.. to think i still treat her as a fren deespite she being a hypocrite.. i was dumb~ the biggest fool to even befriend her.. to be called shameless by her? omg~ i wonder who's the shameless one that sleeps ard with guys.. oopss i didnt let that secret out did i? :) no wonder her bf dumps her :)

from now on, dun ever mention chen xuemin this name in my life.. i've totally removed her from my life and wants nothing to do with her :)

hypocrite..

heartless creature..

to think i still ask nicely if i could have my dog back.. i've got every rights to get him back dun i? when the agreement was broken, he broke everything.. i'll never be soft hearted to him.. i guess i've paid him back everything.. ya i still owe him money.. dun worry i'll pay back.. i'm not that shameless :) and dun forget he still owe me my dog :) i'll get him back too.. call me shameless call me bitch.. i wont get soft ever again towards selfish creatures like these people :)

2009-05-21T09:53:00.001+08:00

totally disappointed!
i'm not a maria~

2009-05-13T04:31:00.003+08:00

i've never felt so drained in my entire life.. giving and giving.. it's tiring.. no one understands.. no one will know.. i'll be strong and take all loads on me.. til the day i collapse.. i'll trade my dreams, my passion, my love for my survival in this world.

i've been forsaken..
i need a gd cry..
:(

2009-05-11T18:19:00.002+08:00

it's quite funny when now i'm out of the circle to look at relationships in the point of a viewer.. haven been seeing MSN nicks like "let's stop contacting one another ba.." or things like "i'm sorry i've hurt you but t's for the best.." -____________- hello?! wat is the world becoming? or is it always like this? o.O why is everyone getting oh-my-fcuking-godly so emo? does stop contacting one another helps anything? does hurting someone helps the someone? and yet knowing that you purposely hurt the someone u stil tell the peron "i hurt u" wtf?! i'm seriously beginning to not understand this world of love and hate =\

i also realise we humans love to say things we dun mean.. or maybe we TRY to pass the msg across but failed most of the times.. example? when someone says no to something, n their heart it's always a "yes pls beg me pls yes yes yes".. this is human isnt it? dun deny.. it's the fact.. we're just lowly creatures that are seriously in chinese call "fan jian" =.= i 100% agree on this ok~ we reali need to learn how to cherish somethings or someone ba.. it isnt easy for 2 person to crosss path out of the billions of ppl in the world.. there's a reason why we appear in one another's life and dun regret when it's too late for anything..

stop finding faults with ur another half and fcuking think of his/her good point.. we tend to lose our mind and onli look at the bad side of things when we get involve in a quarrel or fight.. but my advice.. stay cool, take time away from the fight and use ur brain/heart to think.. how good is the person to u? how many happy memories you both spent tgt? and wat will happen to u if he/she dies infront of u this minute? i believe when these are taken into consideration, the love wil go grow stronger ba..

just my 2cents worth thou.. sprouting abit of nonsense here in my lousy blog to pass time.. am waiting to get to work thou.. lala~ oh ya in case no one knows.. i'm currently working at a lan shop at boon lay shopping center.. visit me if u're free :D ** no free coms thou =x hehe~

cherish..
is the key to success..

2009-05-02T16:07:00.002+08:00

for those who have been ard me recently should have know that i'm currently goin through a "i-am-lost-" process now.. firstly, bf n me has ended our 6months-to-be r/s.. why? cos i'm stil playful.. i couldnt settle my heart and be a "good gf" that doesn't club, drink, game as much.. he didnt let me down.. i did.. guilt was all along within me since the beginning of the r/s.. everything seems stable and fine til i realise, maybe we weren't meant for one another.. we had very different backgrounds, very different circle of frens, very different lifestyle, different likings etc.. i know this is no excuse for the breakup as ppl always says "opposite attracts".. correct.. but not when it's TOO opposite ya? we've been trying to compromise to one another and trying reali hard to live in each other's world.. he tried reali hard i will say.. i wont deny, he's the perfect bf everyone dreams to have.. ok at least near perfect? but i couldnt give him my all.. i couldnt love him the way he needed.. the problem lies with me, not him.. ahh~ and there's lotsa ppl asking him to break with me.. including my best sister.. HA~ honestly, i'm very disappointed already.. ya i noe i'm not good, asking him to leave me might be the best and right choice :) at least he'll be free to find one that reali loves him the way he needed.. one that stop biting and slapping him.. one that suits and blends in his life more.. i do not need hypocrite frens ard me.. i do not need anyone to give me watever advices that u can tink of.. everyone knows how stubborn am i and i honestly am turning a deaf ear to them.. my lil advice, save ur troubles and saliva for nothing can affect my own decision.. have been spending a rather hopeless life these few days.. getting drunk, game whole day, just basically to rot my day off.. but i was truly happy.. it's been long since i had this kinda lifestyle.. honestly i miss it.. i know this cant carry on for life but still let me enjoy it while i can ya? i just feel both of us need time and space to adjust ourselves once again.. i couldn't breathe.. i was suffocating.. and the more anyone pushes, it'll just cross the line and i might face a terrible breakdown.. for now just let me live life the way i wan ya?

freedom..
i yearn for you..

2009-04-18T02:31:00.002+08:00

hello all :D it's been sometime since i last blog.. here's a little update of my life.. i'm currently VERY busy with work at Sony Ericsson :D as a customer service officer at Junction 8.. drop by and ask me for a smoke when free! lol~ thou this reali isnt the kinda job i'll want for life but still i feel this is where i can be more stable and learn bout working life.. everydya see different faces, different cases to handle.. very challenging job i can say.. at least i can learn to control my temper and handle different kinda ppl in different kinda situation lol~ ppl there are all very nice and helpful.. couldnt help but thank god for grantin me this job :)

ok it's late and it's time for me to hit the sack if not i'm so gonna be dead tml for work haha~
will be updating soon..

with love,
iko

2009-03-22T14:43:00.002+08:00

i do not wish this post to be all about being emo or watsoever.. but in watever case, i'm gonna write something that have been lingering around in my head these few days..

bf has been complaining that i have been gaming a lil too much.. and yes indeed i know that's wat i'm doin now.. but what else can i do?? i'm stil jobless and there's nothing much to do when my bank is left with like 200bucks til i get a job.. all the gamings started with him sleeping early at nite when he had a whole day long at work and i got nothing to do when i couldnt sleep.. of cos i'll start doin something using my com.. and he said that he sleep early because i game =.=

bf complains bout me being too close with my audi cpl (which in the first place we got tgt i've told him everything bout it and it's been clarified and assured that me n him are JUST frens). and just ytd he said that he gets jealous because i doesnt show enuff love to him and yet am being extreme sweet to my cpl.. sad to say but this is true.. one thing.. online frens are just for show? to me that is.. and in real life.. how long can a honeymoon last? some can last dirt long, bring sweet and mushy.. but i cant! it's just so not me.. ok it was but no longer..

dun expect me to be sweet and sticky when it's the current me.. no longer the same as ever.. i guess one thing is cos we've been seeing each other too much and staying tgt etc, that makes each other a kind of "xi guan" to one another.. there's always sayings that if a cpl gets too close or see each other too much, the r/s goes down the slope faster and also fades fast.. i find it very true.. we'll start to not cherish one another as much and maybe some will expect more.. something u will think that it's a OF COS thing that ur opposite half gives u certain things or do something u wan..

i just guess we need some space.. if my bf couldnt accept me for who i am i dun find it a need to continue any longer.. isnt it so? love isnt about changing someone.. it's about how you accept and adapt to one another's life.. every individual is different.. especially us.. how are we gonna adapt to one another and compromise to each other's way of life and way of love? that's the solutionf or us to find out.. different ppl has different ways of showing our love.. i'm definitely not the type that hangs it at my mouth "i love u i love you"..

after 4 months(goin 5) of being tgt he said that he dun feel love.. omfg~ i cant believe this.. i'm not someone that can still be in a r/s if i stop loving that person.. if he can i got nothing to say.. and the way he takls bout my audi cpl, makes me just thinks that he no longer trust me in this r/s.. there's basically no more muture trust.. i see him typing all the sweet things with girls i too feel bad.. even thou it's just jokingly/casually.. but hello! my audi cpl is exactly the same shit! we're just frens putting up a show on the virture world.. if he cant see the same point here i got nothing else to say anymore..

space are needed..
time will tell..
bye~

2009-03-13T04:36:00.002+08:00

2009 is a BAD BAD yr for me :(
why do i say so?
please read below..

1. i cried on CNY 2nd day cos i felt i left mummy alone.
2. my audi cpl went MIA.
3. i got fine $800 (dun ask me why).
4. my audi acc got banned for a month plus fine.
5. i lost my job.
6. christmas fail in toilet training.
7. my credit card bills cost a bomb.
8. my electricity was cut off for 3days (tink is 3days la cant remember).
9. i have to pay my internet bills which accumulated to 200bucks.
10. my dad is facing recession.

now is only like march? and i'm already getting all these.. hello~! it's approximately 3event in a month? can be more suay ma? btw, these are the more major ones.. stil got minor ones nv count ok~ i got a feeling.. it's gonne be a "GG" year =\ and wat does GG stands for? ask ur gamer frens..

and today i almost lost my HIGHLY important thumbdrive at work x.x thank god my manager picked it up =\ ok i better go koon if not tml not enuff energy to handle my suay-ness liao =\

oyasumi~

2009-03-11T00:21:00.000+08:00

i need a job :(

2009-02-06T16:58:00.002+08:00

wheeeee~ paisei ar so long nv update hehe~ anyway life has been more or less the same.. just that christmas (my doggie) have been bringing joy and laughter to my family not forgetting tears LOL~~ he's my little terror :D anyway this post is not to focus on my life updates.. it's a recruitment drive! details are as follow..

what : IT show

when : 12th - 15th march 09

working hours : 10am - 9pm

where : suntec

pay : $60/day + com

need part timer bout 10 - 20 ppl.. contact me for more detail!!

p/s: will update bout my little stupid christmas soon and all the msia trips i went and also the upcoming vday soon XD

**Where do i actually belong?**

丁噹 - 猜不透

Where do i actually belong?